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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I messaged my ex boyfriend on his wedding day...he's gonna think I'm crazy isn't here

217 replies

pinkinmysky · 09/08/2022 16:29

My ex is a narcissist or at least he has narcissistic traits.
He mentally /emotionally abused me and made me feel worthless.
We split 1 1/2 years ago and he didn't explain why he treated me bad,blamed me and then stopped replying to me.

I got upset last Saturday after finding out he was getting married
I messaged him on messenger (he has never blocked me,just ignored all my messages but read them all)
I said how can he just move on and never give me any explanation to why he did all the things he did
It was long message
He obviously read it and ignored it
Then changed his picture to him and her after getting married.

He's gonna think I'm a total headcase now isn't he?
I'm not

OP posts:
clickychicky · 09/08/2022 17:51

pinkinmysky · 09/08/2022 16:54

We split because he totally head screwed me
Cheated on me multiple times but took delight in it.
I messaged him two days after asking for a explanation then no more till his wedding day.
He has lots of ex's he's done the same too (except those women he accused of hitting him)

He doesn't owe you an explanation so I don't think you're ever going to get one.

As for Then changed his picture to him and her after getting married. that is what people do when they are married. It's not linked in any way to you.

justmaybenot · 09/08/2022 17:52

unless your name is Adele and you're going to write a banging song about it...then yes, yes you are being unreasonable. Delete his number and move on, he sounds like a head-wrecking sociopath.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 09/08/2022 17:58

You sound obsessed and a little crazy tbh, if he was that bad why on earth would you continue to try contact him after you split? Im sorry but I don't believe a word and would love to hear his side of the story.

VioletInsolence · 09/08/2022 18:06

The thing is that you’ll never receive an adequate explanation….if he was self reflective enough to do that he wouldn’t have treated you the way he did.

swimlyn · 09/08/2022 18:13

Just wait for the separation/divorce and THEN message him again.

How long do you reckon you'll have to wait?

Macaroni46 · 09/08/2022 18:14

Why are you wasting time on him? Who instigated the split? Tho tbh if he was cheating on you, surely that's all the explanation you need!
Time to move on, OP. Pour the energy you're still wasting on him into healing yourself. You deserve better.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/08/2022 18:14

swimlyn · 09/08/2022 18:13

Just wait for the separation/divorce and THEN message him again.

How long do you reckon you'll have to wait?

Don’t give her false hope!

Johnnysgirl · 09/08/2022 18:15

He's gonna think I'm a total headcase now isn't he?
He's not the only one.

RewildingAmbridge · 09/08/2022 18:16

It's been a year and a half, you're naming all his horrendous behaviours, you're well rid. Why would you want to be with him? Why does it hurt he married someone else, sod being married to a twat like that. Lucky escape! Block on everything and move on.

Original poster
pinkinmysky · 09/08/2022 18:22

It's so easy for you to assume I'm the "crazy "
One
You haven't got a clue all the things he did to me and many others.
He was somebody who before we dated i classed as a friend.
Bit of a coincidence how me and all his ex's were "crazy" how all his ex's apparently beat him up.
He does things to get a reaction then when you react he twists it to make you look nuts.

He would stop speaking to punish me for questioning him then start speaking again
It was all on his terms.

So no I'm not crazy -I just think it's unfair how he can do what he does then move on and not think of the hurt he leaves behind.

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkinmysky · 09/08/2022 18:23

@AnneLovesGilbert I would never ever want anything to do with him...I want a explanation why he did all the things he did.

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 09/08/2022 18:24

Johnnysgirl · 09/08/2022 18:15

He's gonna think I'm a total headcase now isn't he?
He's not the only one.

Agree, why all the 'he'll love this" they split ages ago she's been messaging him, and he'd not responded he's just got married, yet op feels posting a photo of this is to get at her?

Macaroni46 · 09/08/2022 18:25

@pinkinmysky we're not doubting that he was abusive towards you. We're wanting you to move on and heal from him. You will never get him to accept his wrong doings or to apologise or explain. Sadly, you need to put the experience behind you and build your own life now. We are saying this for your own benefit; we are trying to help you.

Aokay1 · 09/08/2022 18:26

You did the wrong thing by messaging him OP. Now he's getting married with the biggest smile on his face because he knows you're feeling jealous.

You thought you were getting back at him but you've just made his day better.

Please OP for your own sake block and remove any trace of this man. The best way to get back at him is to forget about him completely.

He's never going to say sorry to you. Don't let him take any more of your headspace.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 09/08/2022 18:26

Tbf, your update makes you sound more crazy and obsessed.

Honestly when I met my dp and he told me his ex was crazy I didn't believe him, could not believe that sort of behaviour then I met her. She WAS crazy and honestly you remind me of her!

TokyoTen · 09/08/2022 18:31

You need to delete his contact details and never contact him again - both for your own sanity and for the sake of his relationship. He's moved on - accept it.

Original poster
pinkinmysky · 09/08/2022 18:32

@ZeroFuchsGiven really what part of me explaining what he did makes me crazy?
Are all his ex's crazy as well?

OP posts:
Jellybean23 · 09/08/2022 18:32

Every message you send feeds his ego. Every time you follow him on messenger, it's a stab through your heart and a little boost for him. He's never going to explain himself to you so accept that and cut him out of your life.

Johnnysgirl · 09/08/2022 18:33

He does things to get a reaction then when you react he twists it to make you look nuts.
He most assuredly didn't get married to get a reaction from you.

Original poster
pinkinmysky · 09/08/2022 18:34

@Johnnysgirl I never said that
I'm talking about things he did when we were together

OP posts:
Johnnysgirl · 09/08/2022 18:36

But it's 18 months ago. None of it is relevant any more.
He's moved on and you haven't.

Original poster
pinkinmysky · 09/08/2022 18:39

@Johnnysgirl it's relevant to me

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 09/08/2022 18:41

If a woman was on here posting that her ex from years ago send a long, angry message on her wedding day, I would tell her to consider contacting the police just to log the incident, but to at least tell close friends and family that there might be a stalker problem developing.

You are never going to get an explanation. He might owe you one, but life is unfair. Fixating on him instead of moving on is only hurting you.

silvercurls · 09/08/2022 18:42

Listen to what everyone is telling you, delete ways of seeing him/reading about him/contacting him and move forward, he does not care about you so won't be explaining anything. You might want to seek some therapy to help you, nothing to be ashamed of.Good luck

OldFan · 09/08/2022 18:42

It does seem like you're a bit of a 'headcase' (your word) when it comes to him.

Don't humiliate yourself anymore by trying to beg him to get back with you or to ask how he could move on- he dumped you.

Block him on everything and keep him blocked.