I messaged my ex boyfriend on his wedding day...he's gonna think I'm crazy isn't here

[pinkinmysky]

My ex is a narcissist or at least he has narcissistic traits.
He mentally /emotionally abused me and made me feel worthless.
We split 1 1/2 years ago and he didn't explain why he treated me bad,blamed me and then stopped replying to me.

I got upset last Saturday after finding out he was getting married
I messaged him on messenger (he has never blocked me,just ignored all my messages but read them all)
I said how can he just move on and never give me any explanation to why he did all the things he did
It was long message
He obviously read it and ignored it
Then changed his picture to him and her after getting married.

He's gonna think I'm a total headcase now isn't he?
I'm not

I personally don't think sending my ex 1 text in 18 months really requires therapy /seeing a doctor tbh
I was hurt /upset and sent the text on a unclear head
It's not like I'm knocking at his door or sending carrier pigeons with love notes.
I haven't in 18 months had the urge to message him
I was angry that he got to treat me how he did then just move on without an apology or explanation
I realise I'm not going to get the closure from him..it's from me.

It's more the assumption that his actions are to get at you OP.

Gently, everyone active on social media changes their profile picture to a wedding picture when they've recently got married.

He won't have done it with you in mind / to get at you.

You aren't 'crazy' but you're processing the trauma of how he treated you in an unhealthy way that is harming your mental health.

It's not a bad idea to chat to a counsellor about it even just to help you get the closure that you're quite right needs to come from you.

Ok, you seem anti- counselling. Do you feel you've moved on? Do you feel you're (most of the time) indifferent to him? How do you feel about unfriending him on social media?

It's not really that I'm anti counselling
I have had counselling after my family died ..I just know the nhs wait times for therapy is very long and it's not something I can fund privately

How many messages did you send him?

If you’d got on the waitlist 18 months ago, you’d have counselling by now. So, do it now.

Is there a reason you haven’t completely blocked this person on everything? Do so. Delete his number. Move on. He certainly has.

@MarthaMayWhovier 1 message

The best closure you can get for yourself is by realising that you really have dodged a bullet. Then by blocking him on all SM and deleting all his messages and number. Get over him by getting under someone else. Life is too short to let anyone ruin it for you.

Here's the thing. If you messaged him thinking you'd get some rational response about what he did, you never will. I don't know if you were hoping a tiny bit that there is some goodness or rationality in him.

You have to trust that he sucks. That is the only answer to it and the only closure you'll get.
He did the things he did because he is a bad man. It really is that simple. HIs new bride didn't get any prize. She got the same bad man.

Unfriend him and block him everywhere. Tell your friends to never mention him to you again. Set your boundary. You don't friend, associate, or want to hear from bad men.

Closure is bullshit. Most people who say they want it are talking nonsense...what they really want is the person back. Sorry op, but I reckon if he called you up today and said he wanted to give it another go, you'd jump at the chance.

I’m sorry. You are expecting closure from someone who has never respected you before. You know this and yet messaged him anyway, on his wedding day! You are probably the last person he is thinking about so you do look a bit like head case I am sorry to say

Why have you revived this thread from august?

I'm guessing it's one of those in similar category

Why were you asking him why he treated you that way then?

You know he's done the sane to numerous women.

Why would you be any different or better than them.

Do you really think he's not going to do the sane to his now wife (?) Cause I wouldn't be getting much money on him not.

You need counselling and to remove all means of contacting him.

You need to move on.

You know he's a narc, cheater and abuser. That all you need to know. He's not going to tell you anything new or special.

Think you're crazy? He'll bloody love it. It's his raison d'etre.

If he is a narc, the person you thought he was and fell in love with doesn't exist. Once you really take that in, you will be free of him. His wife won't be until she leaves. Poor thing.

This. Don’t give this w*** any more of your attention.

I can tell you why he did it, if he is a narcissist: because he is incapable of holding any shame or negative feeling in his own self,
so he has to parasitically attach on to good people (the kind of good person who would expect reasons and culpability and explanation, like you) to make them holders or containers for his own bad feelings, so they don’t have to be part of him. This will also explain why his new wife might be a good person, and why none of it makes sense. He probably left because you were beginning to smell a rat.

You are still taking on that role by bearing pain for all his actions, and it will please him. It will fill him up on his honeymoon, because men like that feast on the wounded souls of the good.

That is, if he is a narcissist and not just a stone cold common or garden bastard.

Buy a bottle of champagne and rejoice that he is legally now prevented from laying claim to your life, which is a different flavour entirely. You’re a good person! You will meet other good people, and live an emotionally real and present life. Congratulations on not marrying him. Now, onwards.