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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I messaged my ex boyfriend on his wedding day...he's gonna think I'm crazy isn't here

217 replies

pinkinmysky · 09/08/2022 16:29

My ex is a narcissist or at least he has narcissistic traits.
He mentally /emotionally abused me and made me feel worthless.
We split 1 1/2 years ago and he didn't explain why he treated me bad,blamed me and then stopped replying to me.

I got upset last Saturday after finding out he was getting married
I messaged him on messenger (he has never blocked me,just ignored all my messages but read them all)
I said how can he just move on and never give me any explanation to why he did all the things he did
It was long message
He obviously read it and ignored it
Then changed his picture to him and her after getting married.

He's gonna think I'm a total headcase now isn't he?
I'm not

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkinmysky · 09/08/2022 18:43

It's been 18 months -hardly years
I was angry and had a few drinks and he had did awful things to me
And I'm not just talking cheating
He betrayed my trust in so many ways
And yes a few drinks and the fact he was getting married made me feel worse

OP posts:
Whatsonmymindgrapes · 09/08/2022 18:44

What answer do you need? He was cheating on you, he must never have been that in the relationship and probably decided he couldn’t be bothered anymore? That’s your answer. You need to move on

Original poster
pinkinmysky · 09/08/2022 18:44

And to add i have no interest in messaging him again
I hadn't messaged him in 18 months so hardly a "stalker"

OP posts:
prisscalledwanda · 09/08/2022 18:47

What responses are you looking for here OP?

waterbotherer · 09/08/2022 18:48

pinkinmysky · 09/08/2022 18:32

@ZeroFuchsGiven really what part of me explaining what he did makes me crazy?
Are all his ex's crazy as well?

how would we know? We can only go by your behaviour which, yes, is bizarre and ‘crazy’. Can you really not see that?

Johnnysgirl · 09/08/2022 18:49

I think op is looking for people to justify what she did, to make her feel better about it.
With respect op, not going to happen.

Johnnysgirl · 09/08/2022 18:50

pinkinmysky · 09/08/2022 18:32

@ZeroFuchsGiven really what part of me explaining what he did makes me crazy?
Are all his ex's crazy as well?

How do you know all his ex's? Confused

Original poster
pinkinmysky · 09/08/2022 18:51

I don't know any of his ex's
He told me about them when we met
He told me I had to prove I wasn't like them and I wouldn't turn "crazy" like them
All I know are the stories he told me

OP posts:
Georgyporky · 09/08/2022 18:52

"He's gonna think I'm a total headcase now isn't he?"

Erm, yes. And some MNers.

Let it go.

diamondpony80 · 09/08/2022 18:53

Don't send him messages or make any contact with him at all. You are just giving him satisfaction by making him think you're suffering without him. He will LOVE that, and he will be telling everyone you're crazy and still chasing after him.

Don't be upset that he's getting married to someone else - just be glad it isn't you!

No matter what you say to a narcissist, he will NEVER apologise or even think that he did anything wrong. In his head, it's all your fault. You will never get any explanation.

If you're still struggling with this after all this time you should really think about getting therapy. I was married to a narcissist for a long time so I know what I'm talking about. Your description of this guy could literally be describing mine - the crazy exes, silent treatment, abusive behaviour etc.

There's nothing you could've done - he is what he is. You're one of the lucky ones because you got away.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 09/08/2022 18:53

pinkinmysky · 09/08/2022 18:32

@ZeroFuchsGiven really what part of me explaining what he did makes me crazy?
Are all his ex's crazy as well?

Its not what he did, its what you did.

You have obviously been stalking him for the last 18 months, how on earth would you just know he was getting married that day then send a message.

You sound scary.

Original poster
pinkinmysky · 09/08/2022 18:54

@ZeroFuchsGiven I know he was getting married because we are still Facebook "friends" /Instagram "friends "

OP posts:
ShahRukhKhan · 09/08/2022 18:54

Oh who cares what he thinks. Who cares if you messaged, you had your reasons. Sometimes these things pop up in our heads now and then. Don't worry about it and forget that loser.

Original poster
pinkinmysky · 09/08/2022 18:54

Also my close friend is on his Facebook friends so actively tells me things even when I don't want to know
I hid his Facebook profile so I wouldn't have to see things

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 09/08/2022 18:55

How long were you with him for? Who told you he got married?

Original poster
pinkinmysky · 09/08/2022 18:56

@MichelleScarn on and off when he wanted for nearly 2 years
"Friends "for 3 years before
We are still on each other's social media and also my close friend is on his Facebook too and told me
I hid his page to stop myself looking at things
I also blocked his girlfriend (no wife ) because I didn't want to see things

OP posts:
ZeroFuchsGiven · 09/08/2022 18:57

MichelleScarn · 09/08/2022 18:55

How long were you with him for? Who told you he got married?

Im wondering this too, I mean were you living together? just seeing each other once a week? Booty call maybe?

OldFan · 09/08/2022 18:59

'He does things to get a reaction then when you react you look nuts.'

-He'd done nothing recently to prompt your message OP.

You made yourself look this way all by yourself.

bobbythevet · 09/08/2022 19:01

Regardless of who did what to whom, you need to moved on from this. It's a dark chapter in your life. Block and move on.

MichelleScarn · 09/08/2022 19:01

Don't just hide him, block him!

lickenchugget · 09/08/2022 19:03

He told me I had to prove I wasn't like them and I wouldn't turn "crazy" like them

Failed this test then.

pepsirolla · 09/08/2022 19:03

How will getting an explanation help? If he says it was because you said or did something he is just blaming you and you will just beat yourself up about something that is just his opinion. If he says it's because someone was "better" than you that would only be to hurt you too. The real reason he did all those things is because he is an arrogant bastard who knew he could be dreadful to you and get away with it. You need to block anyway of contacting him or checking what he is doing. Then concentrate on yourself, work on your confidence so you can move on and not let anyone else treat you like that again.
You will find the strength to do this and will eventually look back and realise you better off without such a pathetic excuse for a man. Best of luck

Isthatyourname · 09/08/2022 19:06

Yes but he probably already painted you as that anyway if he is the narc type. Doesn’t sound like he was a nice person. You will never get an answer from him for causing you hurt. Just block him so you can’t message him again. He is married now, karma may reach him for the way he treated you and others but for your own peace you must forget ever expecting an apology or explanation and avoid seeing anything about his life x

Scepticalwotsits · 09/08/2022 19:08

Is he was that awful why are you still clinging on a year and half later.

get help to move on and delete all contact with him. With that one message alone you will forever be the crazy ex. Get a grip have some self respect

Idontknowwhattothink · 09/08/2022 19:08

Block him OP and ignore the nasty posters on this thread. I understand. I've had that narc ex who mentally tortured me. The thing is though - you are now voluntarily sticking your hand in the fire. As a pp said you might deserve an explanation but you won't get one. Walk away, physically, emotionally. He doesn't matter.