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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I messaged my ex boyfriend on his wedding day...he's gonna think I'm crazy isn't here

217 replies

pinkinmysky · 09/08/2022 16:29

My ex is a narcissist or at least he has narcissistic traits.
He mentally /emotionally abused me and made me feel worthless.
We split 1 1/2 years ago and he didn't explain why he treated me bad,blamed me and then stopped replying to me.

I got upset last Saturday after finding out he was getting married
I messaged him on messenger (he has never blocked me,just ignored all my messages but read them all)
I said how can he just move on and never give me any explanation to why he did all the things he did
It was long message
He obviously read it and ignored it
Then changed his picture to him and her after getting married.

He's gonna think I'm a total headcase now isn't he?
I'm not

OP posts:
AllyCatTown · 09/08/2022 21:27

You need to accept he’s not going to admit to being wrong or give you the explanation you want no matter how many messages you send.

You don’t sound well. Sending repeat messages where he doesn’t respond, messages on his wedding day, thinking he changed his photo to a wedding photo because of you. It’s not healthy.

LuluBlakey1 · 09/08/2022 21:34

Oh FFS get a grip! Leave him alone. Block him on everything and make a life for yourself. Stop being pathetic.

orangeisthenewpuce · 09/08/2022 21:35

OP do you think he's got married to get at you? Serious question.

Wheresthebeach · 09/08/2022 21:37

GP counselling NOW
You seriously need help

Jewel7 · 09/08/2022 21:41

I think you are hurting. It does t matter what he thinks. Block him on everything. You may realise in time that you are just as annoyed with yourself for letting him in. Maybe look at it this way he probably hasn’t changed. You had a lucky escape. Get counselling. Block him on everything and get on with your life.

Fushiadreams · 09/08/2022 21:46

You posted about this last week didn’t you, saying you wanted to be the bride.

look you need to get some help to move on op. This isn’t right. At all.

jazzybelle · 09/08/2022 21:47

Your ex sounds awful. From what you've said any woman with him will be treated badly. His wife just might find herself in a similar position to you and his previous girlfriends and she will be in far worse position than you ever were because she married him. Just consider yourself very, very lucky and relieved that you are no longer with him and go and enjoy yourself.

codeshutyourmouth · 09/08/2022 21:50

Fushiadreams · 09/08/2022 21:46

You posted about this last week didn’t you, saying you wanted to be the bride.

look you need to get some help to move on op. This isn’t right. At all.

Really? Eek.

WhimsicalGubbins · 09/08/2022 21:51

pinkinmysky · 09/08/2022 18:54

@ZeroFuchsGiven I know he was getting married because we are still Facebook "friends" /Instagram "friends "

This has made you lose all credibility to be honest.
you don’t remain friends on social media with someone you claim emotionally abused you for the time you were together. Yes, you do look like the crazy one. You need to let go and move on. He has. He’s married. Leave him and his wife alone

Ihatemyroad · 09/08/2022 21:52

No he won’t think you’re mad.

He will be flattered you’re still thinking about him and it will inflate his ego, make him think he’s a great catch and you’re not over him.

Remove all means of contacting him and move on with your life. He brought nothing to your life when you were together. He’s in your past now, leave him there.

Original poster
pinkinmysky · 09/08/2022 21:53
  1. I didn't post last week
2.no I think he's got married because he's found someone else he can benefit from/just another fool to use

Im under no illusion that he still thinks of me
He wasn't thinking of his ex when he was with me
Me and all of his ex's are disposable to him

I said he does things to attempt to make people he is saying jealous -which is true

OP posts:
Fushiadreams · 09/08/2022 21:53

codeshutyourmouth · 09/08/2022 21:50

Really? Eek.

Show quote history

Sadly yes, she wanted to know why he hadn’t treated her as well, how him and the wife looked so happy. Wanted to know why it wasn’t her.

AverageJoan · 09/08/2022 21:54

OP you need to get help moving on.

Fancydancer1934 · 09/08/2022 21:54

Who cares what he thinks of you? What YOU think of YOU is more important. He's married - and best of luck to her. You can do better and you will. Just give it time.

Fushiadreams · 09/08/2022 21:55

pinkinmysky · 09/08/2022 21:53

  1. I didn't post last week
2.no I think he's got married because he's found someone else he can benefit from/just another fool to use

Im under no illusion that he still thinks of me
He wasn't thinking of his ex when he was with me
Me and all of his ex's are disposable to him

I said he does things to attempt to make people he is saying jealous -which is true

Yes you did, the situation is exactly the same as is your writing. You may as well own it. You posted last week on his wedding day about how gutted you were.

WhimsicalGubbins · 09/08/2022 21:58

Fushiadreams · 09/08/2022 21:55

Yes you did, the situation is exactly the same as is your writing. You may as well own it. You posted last week on his wedding day about how gutted you were.

Show quote history

Yup, here it is, copied and pasted (name cillahack)

Narcissistic ex getting married...why am I upset? 76
cillahack · 25/06/2022 18:49
I know the word "narcissist " is thrown around a lot but he had a lot of narcissistic traits.
When I say he treated me awful,I mean it was bad.
He was cruel /gaslighted me,made me feel like I was to blame for it all.
Spoke to other women/slept with them/made me jealous ,spoke to me awful.
Made me feel like I wasn't worth anything /not good enough ...when at the beginning he told me he couldn't believe his luck.

He "discarded" me cruelly in September 2020.
It was a awful time,my mum just died and he didn't give a damn.
Fast forward 2 months he met someone and within 4 months she was living with him.
5 months later he proposed and 6 months later they are getting married (today )
It's his wedding day today.
I know this because I have his best friend on my Snapchat.
After everything I'm gutted
I don't understand how he has changed from that cruel person to this.
I wish it was me still
I know that's pathetic but I don't know what I did wrong.

Comedycook · 09/08/2022 21:58

Ok so he's was a git to you...what on earth do you want him to say though? You are massively attention seeking. What magic answer do you want him to give you as to why he treated you like that? Why do you even care anyway. You're not with him. Move on.

Comedycook · 09/08/2022 22:01

Oh and I think the scenario you're secretly hoping for is this... you message him. He realises the error of his ways, feels awful and begs for your forgiveness. He realises he really loved you and dumps his partner and you live happily ever after.

Ain't gonna happen

Fushiadreams · 09/08/2022 22:01

WhimsicalGubbins · 09/08/2022 21:58

Yup, here it is, copied and pasted (name cillahack)

Narcissistic ex getting married...why am I upset? 76
cillahack · 25/06/2022 18:49
I know the word "narcissist " is thrown around a lot but he had a lot of narcissistic traits.
When I say he treated me awful,I mean it was bad.
He was cruel /gaslighted me,made me feel like I was to blame for it all.
Spoke to other women/slept with them/made me jealous ,spoke to me awful.
Made me feel like I wasn't worth anything /not good enough ...when at the beginning he told me he couldn't believe his luck.

He "discarded" me cruelly in September 2020.
It was a awful time,my mum just died and he didn't give a damn.
Fast forward 2 months he met someone and within 4 months she was living with him.
5 months later he proposed and 6 months later they are getting married (today )
It's his wedding day today.
I know this because I have his best friend on my Snapchat.
After everything I'm gutted
I don't understand how he has changed from that cruel person to this.
I wish it was me still
I know that's pathetic but I don't know what I did wrong.

Show quote history

Thank you!

LabRat90 · 09/08/2022 22:02

This can't be real right? Surely noone can be this delusional.

Think yourself lucky, if my ex had text me on my wedding day asking why I broke up with them I'd be ripping them a new one for trying to get involved in my life after over a year and a half. Especially since all you've done is berate him for the time he was in a relationship with you

Delete him and lose his number!

Scuttlingherbert · 09/08/2022 22:04

I haven't read the whole thread so someone may have already said similar.

I'm sorry you were treated this way.

He will never give you an explanation for the way he treated you because he doesn't have one. He has probably convinced himself he hasn't done anything wrong or at least lacks the insight to know why he has treated people the way he has. Focus how much better off you are out of it.

A great piece of advice I heard once is that closure is not when you have all the answers to your questions or have said everything you wanted to etc, it's when you no longer care about the unanswered questions, unsaid things.

Embarras83 · 09/08/2022 22:10

Hi OP different for me my old boss was a narc and I know what it’s like when they have that hold over you. I’m 18 months on since our last contact and I still have to stop myself reaching out to him to touch base. He had some good sides to him but the controlling, gaslighting behaviour (as one colleague said he had some demonic hold on us).

Ive just had to remove him from my LinkedIn so I don’t get his updates/posts.

I intend to talk about him in therapy soon.

OooohAhhhh · 09/08/2022 22:12

You can un send the message on Facebook messenger, i'd do that then never contact him again.

whynotwhatknot · 09/08/2022 22:18

hes a narc and youve given him exaclty what he wants attention

they never ever admit what theyve done is wrong you will never get an explanation

Johnnysgirl · 09/08/2022 22:20

Fushiadreams · 09/08/2022 22:01

Thank you!

Show quote history

Oh dear, op. You're keeping tabs on him via his best friend on your snapchat, not hearing odd snippets via one of your friends on his Facebook.
You really need to move on.