How did you find out your husband/partner was having an affair?

[sundaysomeday2022]

NC for this...

I'm intrigued as so many discoveries seem to be linked to phones these days.

I found out when my exDH accidently sent the OW a message to our family facebook chat. This meant that the kids saw it as well !

He would check I was asleep (this woke me up) and would go out in the middle of the night on his motorbike!

I found out by finding photos of them together [ he had denied for a year that he was having an affair ]. This was pre smart phones [ 25 yrs ago ], so until I found the actual evidence he continued denying.

He picked up her payslip by accident and it was in a bag with the dogs stuff after they'd apparently been visiting his Mum.

Had a hunch, checked his phone, an archived WhatsApp message from the OW confirming my suspicions. To give him (some) credit he came clean when I confronted him.

Anonymous email

He sent a message telling his sister about his weekend plans with the OW but sent it to our DD instead! 🤦‍♀️ I also discovered that he had been telling people we had separated when we hadn’t.

He snuck off to visit her after seeing his family one night, we have find my iPhone enabled, and I recognised the address, when I was seeing if he was on his way home. After he neglected to tell me that he’d been at hers, I later found messages between them on Facebook, he admitted everything when confronted.

I overheard him in the hotel lobby on the phone to someone telling them he was missing them and he couldn't wait to get home, didn't realise I'd begun to wonder where he was and was standing behind him.

We separated because he wanted to “find” himself . I worked with OW and would drop her home. One night she insisted on getting out by my house and walking round to hers. I drove round to her house ( my car had a very distinctive engine) as I went down the street a man ran out of her house and down the alley at the side . Two minutes later his car pulled out of a side road . He initially denied it but his friend confirmed he had been seeing her for a few months and before we split up .

Phonecall a few months after our wedding telling me he had slept with someone else on his stag. The woman he slept with was at our wedding 2 weeks later. It was her cousin that rang and told me.

Had a hunch and called him out on it. When he said nothing like that I checked his phone. Nothing hits harder then seeing "I don't love my wife I love you". Even worse when they never really get their relationship of the ground and she calls to tell you she is the victim of it all 🙄

I wondered what had happened to my previously loving, happy husband and he wouldn't talk to me about it so when he was at work, I looked on his ipad that was linked to his work emails and found messages between him and OW.

When he got home form work that day, his bag was packed. I told him what I knew and he walked out like a sad dog.

The first one, he left his gmail account open on our shared pc.

Second time, I saw a photo of them together in his camera roll. At the same place we always went to together (to make matters worse). He was sitting next to me to show me some other photo, and his reaction when I scrolled to that photo said it all.....

The adult child of the OW found me on social media and sent me all the evidence of their relationship. She thought my stbexH was ghosting her mum, suspected he was lying to her mum, so sought me out to expose him.

Honestly, why are some men so stupid and shit?!

I truly believe that many of them regret their affairs /children/familiarity after the honeymoon period with the OW wears off.

I walked in on them kissing.

Mostly, lack of intelligent, rational thought. Inability to think things through to their consequences. Inability to hold more than one point of view in their head at any one time.
Sometimes, thinking they're more clever than they really are.

Pre social media. He told me he was working in London and I found a petrol receipt from a garage in Folkestone.

Overheard them on the telephone in the middle of the night. I had to keep tiptoeing back and forth between listening on the landing and my restless baby.

We were having a new kitchen fitted and I needed to clear a space in the living to sit and grab a quick bite. He had just returned from holiday with his Mum [[dealing with his late fathers estate in the Caribbean] and he was a messy sod and just dumped his passport/documents on floor. I picked up to put away safely and out dropped HIS boarding pass, his MUM`s and one for his mistress.

His Mum had the window seat and he sat between them. The aftermath was not pretty when he came home…he shut himself in the bathroom and vomited for 15 minutes straight. Bags were packed for him as no amount of pleading was going to calm me down. Over 20 years down the drain.

Foolish man.

That sounds really tough @SomeonesRealName
I know all these examples are but just imagining you with a restless baby. What a fucking shit your partner was.

Well restless baby and I moved out three days later while he was "at a conference" - taking pretty much everything but the kitchen sink, and it's a distant memory now

He was ill, phone I charge in the kitchen a text came through from 'Dave that said 'I hope you're feeling better, I'm worried about you xxx'

How many of us started of with ‘just a gut feeling’ though? Always trust the gut x

I found two cinema tickets in his study for a film I hate at a cinema in the town where he worked, on a date when he was supposed to be away on business.