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Original poster

How did you find out your husband/partner was having an affair?

246 replies

sundaysomeday2022 · 24/07/2022 08:35

NC for this...

I'm intrigued as so many discoveries seem to be linked to phones these days.

I found out when my exDH accidently sent the OW a message to our family facebook chat. This meant that the kids saw it as well !

OP posts:
ShippingNews · 27/07/2022 01:01

Pre iPhones , she'd written him a love letter and he'd used it as a book mark in a novel he was reading. I picked up the book when I was tidying up, and found the letter. By the end of the day he'd confessed to a three year affair.

heartbroken22 · 27/07/2022 01:26

Omg especially the ones where their mother knew. What sort of women were these women...knowing they raised sons who cheated on their partners in front of them. If my son was cheating on his partner I'd give him a piece of my mind. I wouldn't be holidaying with them etc. how shameful.

Discwriter · 27/07/2022 01:33

I found one message on a shared tablet. It was just a few lines of text but every sentence was like a bomb going off. He hates his life, I make him so miserable, she's so gorgeous etc. I asked to see all the messages when he came grovelling back and he conveniently deleted all. When he asked her for a copy, she thought it unfair to get involved in the drama as a single person (quote unquote) and he agreed with her.

TheGetaway · 27/07/2022 01:43

WhatsApp.
I was off work one day and sent him a message. It took him hours to reply but I noticed he was ‘online’ on and off most of the day. That evening I sat next to him watching TV and kept checking - he was offline. I then get making excuses to leave the room and every time he would then appear ‘online’

I then began digging

Christinatheastonishing · 27/07/2022 01:49

With mine it was dating sites and cam girls rather than an affair (AFAIK) but like so many others, the stupid twat left his gmail open on the shared computer. I didn't even have to go looking, it was just there when I sat down and unlocked.

MissedItByThisMuch · 27/07/2022 02:04

Had a gut feeling as things had seemed off for a while - he was distant, angling phone away, “working” longer hours - so when he was at a conference I went through his briefcase. Found flight itinerary and hotel room confirmation printouts for him and a woman he works with.

MissedItByThisMuch · 27/07/2022 02:05

Oh and then I went through his suit jacket pockets and found a nearly empty pack of viagra that he sure as hell wasn’t using with me.

alexdgr8 · 27/07/2022 02:18

someone whom i knew said she found long red hairs on her husbands jacket and shirt.
she had short fair hair.

ChiTorpedo · 27/07/2022 02:21

Mine was due to iCloud not syncing properly which resulted in messages that were previously deleted reappearing on the iPad we would search for Apple TV shows on. To make matters worse, this was also how I discovered that said ex was in contact with 2 of my (now ex) closest friends who knew yet agreed to keep the affair from me as they 'didn't want to cause drama' and that it was 'none of their business anyway'!!

SirenSays · 27/07/2022 03:12

He came back from a trip and started guilt buying me gifts, really going overboard and I just knew. I pressed him and he confessed immediately.

KalvinPhillipsBoots · 27/07/2022 03:14

Mine had a baby with 2 different woman st the same time, then fled after their partners found out!

anonymoooose · 27/07/2022 03:25

@Rogue1001MNer so true.
I've been single for almost 10 years and reading this thread is making me extend that time 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

@RomilyH - that mother in law cannot be that dense to not know more was going on. So sorry you had to go through that. I told my sons ex girlfriend he was cheating on her. I got stick by other people for getting involved but she was a nice girl and she done so much for him. I couldn't see her hurt. You can raise them not to cheat but unfortunately some will. I hope you and your children are doing well.

@Dweetfidilove - LOVE your name 👏🏽👏🏽 🎶

CthulhuInDisguise · 27/07/2022 03:45

I got a phonecall to our land-line from the daughter of his Sunday league football team's manager to say her horse was loose and could I send DP to help her out? I asked why on earth she was asking DP, she said he is her boyfriend. I then realised who she was - we had been at school together. His reluctance for me to watch him play football when he joined the new team suddenly made sense. He left me for her and did me a favour, even 23 years later I shudder when I think of the abusive cunt.

supersop60 · 27/07/2022 03:53

Mentionitis was the first thing. Second thing was the extra time he spent at her house having given her son a music lesson. I posted on here about it at the time.
Then I did more digging and found emails. It was an EA and it's taken a long time to work through it to a happier place. Until I am triggered by threads like this

chilliax · 27/07/2022 03:57

The glasses in my cupboards were upside down to the way I normally stored them. This was a couple of weeks after he said he just didn't love me anymore and I was moving my things out. Oh and then a letter turned up for her at the house while I was still moving things 😂 he still denied it ! They are married now tossers 🤣

savethatkitty · 27/07/2022 04:08

Hubby had the "nearby friends" feature activated on Facebook, so I could literally see every time he was at hers.

figgyputty · 27/07/2022 04:23

He was in an accident, rushed to hospital and OW was there. She got there before I did!

Souquet · 27/07/2022 04:34

Gut feeling. He was grumpy, shouted at me and DCs, started wearing aftershave to work, and got new clothes (which he got me to order).

Told me he wasn’t in love with me, basically the whole script. Denied everything,for months and months. I felt so unhappy and that I was going mad. I saw a bill for a fancy hotel and the toll M6 on the credit card bill, and knew then as he was too mean to let us go on it! Still he denied.

Eventually I got an anonymous message just before Christmas one year, and he admitted it. I was so ground down I gave him loads of chances, and caught him numerous times because of his phone. It was truly terrible and still crushes me to this day, although life is better now. I was amazed how he followed the entire pattern as seen so many times on here!

Turnthatoff · 27/07/2022 05:51

supersop60 · 27/07/2022 03:53

Mentionitis was the first thing. Second thing was the extra time he spent at her house having given her son a music lesson. I posted on here about it at the time.
Then I did more digging and found emails. It was an EA and it's taken a long time to work through it to a happier place. Until I am triggered by threads like this

I remember you. Hope you are doing ok. X

bofski14 · 27/07/2022 05:54

I found his POF profile under "New Users". I had my suspicions as he was working away but deciding not to bother coming home on weekends even though he was only two hours away and we had a new baby. At one point, I hadn't seen him for 16 weeks in a row. The profile had no photo but carried his trademark spelling errors. I confronted him and he said it was an old profile and he had only downloaded the app to show one of the boys at work how to set it up and this must have somehow triggered his profile being back up. I emailed POF and they said that was impossible. "New users" are exactly that. What hurt me the most was he listed himself as a single Dad raising our baby all by himself for sympathy points. Reading that while holding our baby in my arms while he was trying to shag around made me feel completely disposable and invisible. When I confronted him, he swore on our babys life that it was not him. Twelve hours later, he broke down and admitted it was. That was the end. I now have a new life and am happily engaged to a wonderful man while he is single and sad.

MargotChateau · 27/07/2022 06:05

Very boring and similar to others. I’d split up with up with him and started dating again as he wasn’t committing and I wanted to move on. He convinced me he wanted to be with me and so stupid me went back to him thinking he was ready for a serious relationship.

A few months later he was on his phone a lot and smiling, which was unlike him, he hated texting. We then went on a holiday with a shared best friend, and while on this holiday another friend called me and while we were catching up she mentioned my then partner was now dating another of friends from the group. I said that’s news to me, we are back together. She was like are you sure, I said yes, and also that this shared friend also knew we were back together.

I packed my bags and left that night with my best guy friend. My best friend immediately cut my ex from his life but some of our friends took his and her side. Jokes on her because he cheated on the girl he’d cheated on me with, within months. (He gave one girl in our circle a std so I dodged a massive bullet there)

The people who’d originally tried to take his side tried crawling back to be friends with me, but I ghosted them, who needs that crap in their life.

He’s now a failed artist living off his mothers dime and I’m a successful artist shown in museums around the world with a very handsome younger partner whose kind, loving and supportive. The best revenge is living well.

Stillfunny · 27/07/2022 06:32

I caught him sitting on the couch texting. I immediately recognised that it was a second phone I did not know about. I demanded he hand it over , thinking it would be porn , which I hate and felt really strongly about.
He had been working away and had an online EA . It took me a while to piece together and turned out that he was on multiple sites , including gay ones . Shocking thing is that we are married over 30 years. I have no idea who this man is but I am glad that he is no longer in this house.

maiafawnly · 27/07/2022 06:35

I got up to go the bathroom and saw his phone screen as I walked past and the name he was messaging was "XXX <3 <3 <3" I confronted it and he claimed she was a friend and she set the nickname.

The next day there was an incident and I had to call his work to get him to come home, his boss I answered and said he wasn't there, he had been sacked. I questioned this, and the boss told me everything, he and the "XXX <3 <3 <3" had both been sacked 2 weeks prior due to their affair as the woman (well girl, she was 19, we were mid 30s) was in a relationship with someone else in their work place when it started, and their affair caused so many issues they sacked both of them. She also told me many other things I didn't know about.

Looking back though, I knew before I saw the phone, or his boss filled me in. I was just in denial and tried to justify things I knew were lies for a long time.

Pinkandpurplehairedlady · 27/07/2022 06:50

I had some suspicions about a girl he worked with who would call him out of hours and hang up if I answered her phone. I found her Instagram and there was a picture of him asleep in her bed….. we were at church at the time (the service had finished so everyone was sitting around drinking coffee). I turned the air blue then went home and packed his things. I served him with divorce papers a week later.

Pikafuckingwho · 27/07/2022 06:59

He woke me up one night, told me he didn’t love me anymore and left me with 3 kids under the age of 8. Swore blind there was no one else he just couldn’t go on. I told him I knew there was, swore on everything going there wasn’t.

Two months later I bumped into a colleague of his and the guy said I’m so sorry I was shocked when he bought xxx to the Christmas party I didn’t know you split up last year. This was in July. He left me in May.

He had taken her to the party the Christmas before was introducing her to everyone when I was at home raising the kids.