Why do people get angry / seem to take it personally if I say I don’t want to date someone who watches porn?

[Sonervousimgonnathrowup]

Now, I don’t go and keep telling this to people, but sometimes people ask what I look for in a partner/ ideal type etc.
Do I say few things and one of them is that I don’t want to be someone who uses porn.
I think know the industry is abhorrent and so misogynistic and someone who wants to support that is going to have very different values and worldview, so we wouldn’t be compatible.

But people, even women and even crazier some are ”feminists”, laugh and say I’m asking tol much.

Is it really that crazy?

Of course it's not crazy. People are probably taking it as a judgement on them or their relationship.

You haven't really given an example of people getting angry or taking it personally. You said people just laugh and say you're expecting too much. I agree with them, most men use porn even if they say they don't.

I'm not angry or personally offended when I say that, I just think you're probably being naive.

It's because even extreme porn has become normalised now. Awful.

I think it's patronising and condescending to suggest that someone who disagrees with them or their partner using porn is "naive".

Perhaps they watch it too!!
A lot of women enjoy watching pork but I assume it's the more normal stuff rather than the extreme stuff that seems to be the thing now. I haven't watched it so can't really comment

*porn not pork 🤣🤣

No idea I am very open about the fact that porn and the use of sex workers of any description is abhorrent exploitation. The more women who stand up and say No, not acceptable not to any degree the better place for our daughters and Granddaughter's the world will be.

It's probably because they don't know anyone who doesn't use porn, I don't.

It’s tone and facial expressions that tend to change.
First is the laughing and good luck with that, also the condesending you’re naivi bs.

Got called a prude etc.

They ask why, what’s wrong with little porn - all men do it.
And I tell a little bit of the industry and say that values would be too incompatible and they get more defensive.
And go cold and tell me to get ready to be single all my life.
(Rather single if that the case, thanks)

But what’s strange is how straight women seem to take it personally.
All I did was answer their question.
I don’t tell anyone else what to do or mock them, unlike they do….

@XSnoe

Do most people know about other people’s porn habits?

I don’t!

Although I agree with your principles, I think you need to realise a lot of men (and women) watch porn. And how will you even know if they watch porn? Will you just trust them when they say they don't watch it or are you going to spy on them all the time? I've never even asked my DH if he uses porn, I assume he does but it doesn't bother me either way what he does in his own time.

Completely agree with everything you said.

People like to tell you you’re naïve because you hold yourself to a standard they know is right but can’t be bothered to put the effort in to uphold. If we don’t live within our own moral framework what on earth is the point? I know LOTS of people who don’t watch porn. I know lots of people in long happy monogamous marriages. It’s not seen as “cool”.

I agree with you 100%. But be prepared to be told it's something all men watch (it's not) and a silly thing to take a stand on (again it's not). Just because something is common doesn't mean everyone does it, or that it has to be something you accept.

Do most people know about other people’s porn habits?

I don’t!

I've certaintly discussed it with friends.

Why do people get angry / seem to take it personally if I say I don’t want to date someone who watches porn?

Because they watch porn?

I have absolute no interest to go and spy on anyone’s internet use.
I would never know for 100%, just as I couldn’t know for 100% certainty they wouldn’t cheat, do drugs, be abusive etc.
I’d tell my boundary and reason, hope they are honest and if I’d find out they lied or broke that boundary, I’d deal with it like I’d deal with any other deal-breaker.
I’ve no intention to change someone’s mind or values, I’d like to find someone who already has (in my opinion) good head on their shoulders and is awere and cares.

@Sonervousimgonnathrowup I am with you. There are non porn users out there...

this x100
it really is not true that all men use porn, or most women and I would also have that as a boundary if I was in the market for a male partner
A lot of defensiveness from the porn apologists I think. If they were totally OK with it they would just say 'oh, that's interesting, tell me more' like I would if someone told me they could never date a football fan or a vegan.

There are only a few certainties for humans, the need for food, water, sex.

Our bodies are designed for the majority of us to seek those things out, enjoy them and want them.

Thats why its naive to expect people not to be attracted to those things. The porn industry along with prostitution is not new, it is as old as time, it will never end, it would only end with the end of humans.

You need to be realistic about your potential partner. I think thats probably what people are pointing out to you.

Enjoying sex does not equal watching porn or using prostitutes.

1. people can live perfectly well without sex, even if they don't like it
2. porn is not sex

@XSnoe wow, sounds like you've done some extensive research. How did you get time and resources to interview most men? Seems like a mammoth task. I'm sure you're not just basing this knowledge on people you know or random heresay.
😏

Xvideos is the world’s 10th most popular website. XNXX is 12th. Both are ahead of Amazon. Pornhub is close behind in 15th, ahead of Netflix & Reddit. (Source : Wikipedia).

I’m a realist & a pragmatist about men & porn in the 21st century. They all watch it; some admit it, some hide it and some lie about it.

I think you have had the best answer already about it triggering a defensive response because they think you think you're better than them for finding it abhorrent and not normalising it, so they ridicule you or put you in your place with so-called humour.