I am having an affair and he goes quiet ish after we meet up

[AshleeJaye]

I was reading this thread www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/1849983-Lover-goes-quiet-on-me-after-sex and it made me think. I am married and have been with my husband for 18 years.

I met a chap in Feb 2019 and we hit it off, he is a mutual friend. He chased me for all these years and in March this year, I broke and slept with him. We have had sex since then, this week actually and we have regular sexting sessions.

After we meet or after phone sex, he always goes quiet. I get one liner texts that are very short and cold & I have to start them, but he always replies instantly, but if I mention anything sexual, he does not answer me. He too is in a relationship about 20 months old.

I know I should just stop it, but I can't and he did say Tuesday that we are addictive. It is really doing my head in, as I really like him, find him attractive and question if I'd leave my husband for him!!

What is wrong with me lol, I just can't give what we have up, it excites me, but is also driving me a little crazy.

Any advice.......

You’re a quick fuck and that’s it. He goes quiet/short replies because he’s gotten what he needed at that moment and isn’t really arsed to talk until the next time he wants sex.

That is the thing, my head is making no sense. I have for 18 years supported my husband. Everything he has thrown at me and even after some big lies/mistakes, I stood by him. I don't know, I am just confused and probably making no sense at all!

He isn't too blame for this. No matter what he's done, you chose to have an affair rather than leave him. Don't try to justify your behaviour.

My best friend was in the same situation but she divorced before anything happened as she fell in love with the guy she was having an affair with. The other guy finally got what he wanted(sex) and now he’s ghosting her. She fell into a severe depression and is on meds now while the other guy is living happily again with his wife and 3 kids. Take care of yourself and do not trust him.

The 'I don't know what I'm doing', ''I'm addicted so I can't help it' 'I've had my head turned' lines are just bollocks, I'm afraid.

Yes, you can help it. No it's not actually an addiction, you just enjoy it. You are perfectly capable of either ending the affair or ending your marriage. But you clearly won't, because you simply don't want to.

Ffs. Do people really still have these kind of misogynistic attitudes in 2022? 🙄

I doubt the OP actually is “easy” for all that. If there’s anything I’ve learned reading threads similar to this over the years, it’s that selfish entitled types tend have affairs with similarly selfish types. Any old person with decent morals won’t do.

He's quiet because he got what he wanted and doesn't give a shit about you beyond that.

Maybe grow up and tell your husband you're shagging his friend and have been for years so he can be checked over and get a divorce.

Also, grow a pair and tell your poor husband what you’ve been doing. He deserves to know the truth and not live the rest of his days oblivious to what you’ve done. He also deserves the facts so he can go and have an STD check.

Cant believe there’s people out there who would happily do this to the person they’re supposed to love and then just continue on like nothings happened.
Does the guilt not eat you up every second. Or are you just too much of a self absorbed asshole to give a shit about anyone else??

Men don't agonize over affairs like this. I'm not sure either man is right for you. Either the affair will wane and you have some memories or it will all blow up and you will be alone. What do you want?

Aww I feel bad for your husband . I’ve been cheated on and it’s so painful. Id love to have a husband I would never cheat on him ☹️☹️

What is wrong with me lol, I just can't give what we have up, it excites me, but is also driving me a little crazy

Lol? It's a laugh to be cheating on your husband?

Cool story bro.

I guess it's the entitlement, denial & minimising that the unfaithful do, that led you to think you would be okay announcing that you're having an affair, when you could have left that information out quite easily.

Why would anyone admit that shit on here?

Your poor husband. He deserves better

Well it doesn't take a lot of deciphering does it? He only wants you for sex. Up to you if you're fine with that or not.

@AshleeJaye

You say you cant give up what you have, but what do you actually have?

It appears to me all you have is a quick shag and silence til the next one.

If you're craving excitement, go find it, but divorce your husband if that excitement comes from other men. It's not fair on him.

Let's look at the situation with no emotions of right or wrong. The reason the other man is cold and short in between sex sessions is because you are his free sex on demand. All you cost is some flowery words to flatter you as and when he wants you to come running. Think what that makes you and decide if you are happy with it.

I'm also having an affair. We've been going strong for 2 years now and never been happier. We're halfway through setting up our home together and are sitting out partners down and telling them everything. My husband is an alcoholic and his wife is reliant on drugs. Sometimes you have to grab happiness if none is available in your home life and that's what we are doing. No regrets!

You're not the 'OW' op... you're just his wank sock, to be blunt about it.

Think about it on those terms and it might change how you feel about it all.

Meh...no judgement from me if your dh is an alcoholic

He goes quiet because once he’s blown his load he’s not interested in you.
the sexting is foreplay and then once you’ve had a shag that’s it for him. No romance, no love.
sorry but it’s the truth.

He has as much respect for you as you have for yourself. Precisely none.

@Comedycook - thank you. I've tried to get him to admit he has a problem for many years but he just won't accept it. Because he gets up and goes to work he doesn't think the term applies to him. However 6-8 cans every night of 7% lager and asleep by 8pm says different.
I can't go on with it anymore hence why I'm leaving for a chance of happiness!

I feel for your husband,your a cheater!