Dating thread 228: ribbons round a maypole

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

Develop a thick skin.

Do not invest emotionally too soon.

It's all BS until it actually happens.

Trust your gut instinct.

People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.

Know your worth.

If it's not fun, stop.

Loo update is mandatory.

No dating the thread.

Treat others as you'd like to be treated

Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Thisisworsethananticpated Recentky you said during your week (?) apart recently Balkan had worked on his issues and everything was good.

What has fired off this latest tjing?
Has he gone out with friends?

I said it before but I'll say it again - you must be emotionally,mentally and physically drained with all this toing and froing. Its not good for your health.

Do you feel able to draw a line under the whole 'relationship '?

New thread as just realised we're on page 40, a few posts to go still on here

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4554270-dating-thread-229-traversing-the-world-of-dating

@Thisisworsethananticpated agree with the others but know it's so much easier said than done... but it must be next to impossible for you to ever feel any equilibrium with the other stresses you're having to deal with. From @SortingItOut 's point re Balkan taking a week to sort his issues out, really we all know it takes way longer than a week to make any changes to ourselves. Are the two of you, in cod therapy speak, triggering some sort of childhood pattern with this fiery set up?

@WeWantTheFinestWines bah to the lack of fancying. There really is no way round that most of the time. Mr Ginger was also very skinny and I don't like it either, mostly because as a tall size 14 non-skinny person it always makes me feel absolutely enormous by comparison.

@Eesha what a day for a walking date! Weather is glorious.

@hotnakedgelato glad MrS got in touch. Those feelings are horrendous - I have them too. And once they start you feel like you absolutely can't be the one to initiate contact, and if you do you feel really anxious about it. Have you thought about having some counselling as a 'hand hold' through these early months with MrS? I have found the perspective really useful. Re. introducing him as a friend, I really wouldn't worry about that - it is COMPLETELY different to introducing him as a boyfriend or 'person of influence' into your DC's life. IME the issue can be more that once you've done this, it's a bit of a gateway to introducing them more and more because you've got over the initial hurdle, so there's never a proper period of getting to know someone without the child starting to get to know them too. But you've done absolutely nothing wrong here, don't beat yourself up!

SortingItOut
I agree
I feel much better today and I don’t even want to give it headspace or discuss

I don’t even feel like dating right now , I’m so stressed I’m not feeling horny , sexy , attractive

ive got two months to try and get some plan for son , then maybe I’ll revisit this summer

let’s just hope my libido keeps her head down

@hotnakedgelato …please do not put yourself down. Mr S seeing your child was flirting and an accident. He’s a friend of mummy like your child has many friends at school. End of story. You have done nothing wrong and have been super patient with Mr S DE. Nothing wrong whatsoever. You may have doubts about the relationship. That’s ok but you are guilty of absolutely nothing. Enjoy Sunday 😊

@Thisisworsethananticpated If you're thinking with your libido and not your head can't you scratch the itch by using vibrators or having a buying session at lovehoney?

Toys don't induce such drama as in your thing with Balkan and might keep your head straighter.

Trying to keep busy and not think about my iron (Mr Cherry), being love bombed by Mr M, a guy I dated several years ago, last night he was telling me how he was willing to move as he lives 200+ miles away, promising me he will treat me well etc..etc.. (heard it all before), he reminds me of a ex who was a controlling narc. Going to keep busy in the garden today, weathers looking amazing and my gardens got a bit overgrown as I have been too busy doing other things and spending too much time stressing over dating.