Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

DH not inside work when I call?

294 replies

msscarlettwith · 05/04/2022 11:39

It would be useful to know what other think of this, if this is paranoia or not.
Me and DH work separately but will sometimes need to call one another about work. We are both self-employed. This has been for years. In the past year I started to notice that when I call his unit his employee would say DH is out (always at the same place) and will get DH to call me back.
The reason it started me to wonder what was going on was that the employee ( who is male) was starting to sound robotic. They'd always say exactly the same thing, almost with a sigh. Then DH would call me back usually fairly soon afterwards. It got to the stage where it was decided I'd call his mobile rather than the land-line. I can't remember how this was decided or what reason was given at the time.
There have been a few other things since I've been calling his mobile which made me wonder if DH is not actually inside the unit when I call.
He has an 'indoor' job, so not like he's outside working on cars for example. He's not a smoker so doesn't need to go outside.
It sometimes sounds like he's outside, but then is inside the building as our conversation progresses.
I once got what sounded like a divert signal when calling him.
He answered once sounding out of breath, I said that he sounded out of breath and he said he was running to the unit then quickly corrected himself, laughed and said, ' to the unit?! I mean, across the unit, der '.
His employee answered his mobile once inside and said DH was outside talking to someone. DH must have pre-asked employee to do that as they would never normally answer each others phones.
There are a couple of other more specific examples too which suggest DH is often outside the unit, but close enough to return in minutes.
I can't think what he's doing that he's outside but close to the unit but that he needs to effectively lie to me.

OP posts:
honeyytoast · 05/04/2022 12:35

Is there a chance he has started smoking and is hiding it?

Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 05/04/2022 12:41

I don't mean to be a harbinger of doom here, OP, but when this scenario played out with my exH he was actually off-site.
He used to take days off work (unbeknown to me) and take OW out for the day or bring her back to our house (or her mothers house) for sex.
All the other members of the team knew and covered for him saying he was doing an inspection at XYZ.

Keep your eyes open OP

GeneLovesJezebel · 05/04/2022 12:43

I’d be going down unexpectedly to find out what he’s up to.

SPL2022 · 05/04/2022 12:43

Turn up in person

SpacePotato · 05/04/2022 12:49

Does he work near houses?
I mean close to residential property rather that a unit on an industrial estate.

Imaysnapandfart · 05/04/2022 12:50

Definitely turn up unexpectedly. Do you have Find a Friend or similar so you can check his whereabouts?

bumpermom · 05/04/2022 12:53

Yes sounds dodgy. Secret smoker? OW?

Hugasauras · 05/04/2022 12:58

My old boss used to go meet his OW at lunchtimes and his wife would always call and we would have to say he was out at X. I was only 17 then and it was my first job so just went along with it. Poor woman. But obviously there are other explanations too!

Is it always the same time you call? Out smoking?

msscarlettwith · 05/04/2022 13:09

He's not smoking. He's never smoked, hates the smell, he never smells of smoke.
I don't think he's going out with an OW nor far from his work because he will usually call me back within minutes, ok he's calling on mobile but usually our conversations are work-related and he's in the unit to answer those questions.
The unit is very near both business and residential.
I can't ever turn up unexpectedly as I have my own work-related responsibilities.
I don't yet feel confident enough to ask someone to spy on him.
I haven't noticed if it's always the same time.

It kind of has the feel that he's chatting to someone regularly outside, but I don't understand why he wouldn't just say if that's the case. I'm not the sort of person to police what he does at work and he knows that.
If he was regularly chatting to a woman he might not want to tell me, but then I think what woman would want to hang about outside chatting? They'd want to go indoors, right? (I would).

OP posts:
SailingNotSurfing · 05/04/2022 13:13

He's either a secret smoker with a foolproof method of disguising the smell, or he's playing away with someone else, and her co-workers are covering for him.

Silverclocks · 05/04/2022 13:15

I think the fact that you don't just ask him, shows you've already got a fairly good idea of what's going on.

I can't imagine not just saying "you never seem to be in when I call, why's that?"

msscarlettwith · 05/04/2022 13:15

@Imaysnapandfart

Definitely turn up unexpectedly. Do you have Find a Friend or similar so you can check his whereabouts?
We don't do Find a Friend/iphone. It's possible he might be signed in to ipad or another old phone. That might show where his main phone is?
OP posts:
TheNameOfTheRoses · 05/04/2022 13:19

I’d turn up to his work too.

NinjaQueen · 05/04/2022 13:21

Sounds very odd, are there other business units next to his?

stripeyflowers · 05/04/2022 13:22

Don't bother asking. Just turn up and see what happens. Your instinct is telling you something.

HangingRock25 · 05/04/2022 13:24

Oh OP this is not good, something is most definitely going on, and I think you know that. You need to either get a friend or hire a PI (you know, like that American tv show Cheaters) that will show camera/audio proof, or take a sneaky day or 2 off without him knowing on go there, parking away from the area. He is up to something. Something is definitely going on. You have the right to know. You need to find out. For your own peace of mind, and even health.

AntarcticTern · 05/04/2022 13:26

This does seem weird OP. I don't think you are being paranoid.

msscarlettwith · 05/04/2022 13:27

@Silverclocks

I think the fact that you don't just ask him, shows you've already got a fairly good idea of what's going on.

I can't imagine not just saying "you never seem to be in when I call, why's that?"

But I think that he is there, just not immediately indoors when I call.
OP posts:
msscarlettwith · 05/04/2022 13:29

@NinjaQueen

Sounds very odd, are there other business units next to his?
There are a few units, some shops, a couple of cafes and residential houses within short walking distance.
OP posts:
AntarcticTern · 05/04/2022 13:32

Now you've started calling his mobile rather than the unit's landline, does he always answer immediately?

girlmom21 · 05/04/2022 13:34

The big boss at my last company would never take any call. When I covered reception in my earlier days at the company, when the receptionist was on lunch or whatever, we had to take a message and email him with it.

Is it not just something similar - that he doesn't want to be disturbed and will call back when he can?

HollowTalk · 05/04/2022 13:35

I wonder what would happen if someone else called the office number with an unrecognised phone? What would that guy say then? Do you have anyone who could do that?

msscarlettwith · 05/04/2022 13:38

@AntarcticTern

Now you've started calling his mobile rather than the unit's landline, does he always answer immediately?
I hadn't really been paying too much attention to be honest. If we miss calls from one another, we call back. I rarely leave voicemail unless urgent.
OP posts:
LuluBlakey1 · 05/04/2022 13:39

Take a morning off and go and check up on him.

LuluBlakey1 · 05/04/2022 13:39

Or take an early lunch or an early finish.