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DH not inside work when I call?

294 replies

msscarlettwith · 05/04/2022 11:39

It would be useful to know what other think of this, if this is paranoia or not.
Me and DH work separately but will sometimes need to call one another about work. We are both self-employed. This has been for years. In the past year I started to notice that when I call his unit his employee would say DH is out (always at the same place) and will get DH to call me back.
The reason it started me to wonder what was going on was that the employee ( who is male) was starting to sound robotic. They'd always say exactly the same thing, almost with a sigh. Then DH would call me back usually fairly soon afterwards. It got to the stage where it was decided I'd call his mobile rather than the land-line. I can't remember how this was decided or what reason was given at the time.
There have been a few other things since I've been calling his mobile which made me wonder if DH is not actually inside the unit when I call.
He has an 'indoor' job, so not like he's outside working on cars for example. He's not a smoker so doesn't need to go outside.
It sometimes sounds like he's outside, but then is inside the building as our conversation progresses.
I once got what sounded like a divert signal when calling him.
He answered once sounding out of breath, I said that he sounded out of breath and he said he was running to the unit then quickly corrected himself, laughed and said, ' to the unit?! I mean, across the unit, der '.
His employee answered his mobile once inside and said DH was outside talking to someone. DH must have pre-asked employee to do that as they would never normally answer each others phones.
There are a couple of other more specific examples too which suggest DH is often outside the unit, but close enough to return in minutes.
I can't think what he's doing that he's outside but close to the unit but that he needs to effectively lie to me.

OP posts:
Sswhinesthebest · 05/04/2022 16:27

I’d definitely have to do some detective work. The suspicion would eat away at me else.
Do you have a friend who could help? I asked my dad to help investigate a friends similar situation for me as the ex wouldn’t recognise him.

SoItWas · 05/04/2022 16:27

Is there a Starbucks or similar nearby that he could be going to? Does he think you'd moan about the cost if you knew, or it just hasn't occurred to him to mention it?

Or could he be going to the bookies (and afraid you'd get at him about it?) or similar?

I hope it's something fairly innocuous, and not an OW or drugs (I know a guy that used to "nip out" during work, for his coke fix).

TellingBone · 05/04/2022 16:32

Skiving/fed up of wife interrupting the day with phone calls

FelicityPike · 05/04/2022 16:32

I wish you well with this @msscarlettwith

incompetentcervix · 05/04/2022 16:32

Has he got an iPhone? Can you use the find my ..... app on it to check? Enable it one evening when he's not around?

justasking111 · 05/04/2022 16:33

Could he be running a second business in another unit that he hasn't told you about?

Jellybean23 · 05/04/2022 16:35

Is it his birthday soon? Maybe take cakes to his work as a surprise for everyone?

Or, perhaps go the the place where you are always told he's at, check if he's there and if not, phone him. If they say he's where you are, you'll know it's untrue.

KosherDill · 05/04/2022 16:37

Could the business be in trouble?

I had the thought that perhaps he is doing other paid work as well and somehow managing with his employee to cover that up. But why?

Are you privy to the financial statements of his business?

You are both self-employed -- is it a profession like law or accounting? If so, I'd wonder why you don't share office premises. Or is it a location-dependent business like a shop or cafe?

Very odd.

HisHX · 05/04/2022 16:40

Not the sort of person to police what he does at work?
Hmm

Cakecakecheese · 05/04/2022 16:48

The OP clearly states in her first post that she often needs to phone him about work, it's not like she's badgering him about what he wants for tea!

The fact that he was shifty about talking to 'someone' isn't great, is there anyone you wouldn't be thrilled about him talking to, a relative you fell out with etc?

Nicolarer · 05/04/2022 16:48

How are his finances OP? Perhaps consider the possibility of a second job? It sounds weird. I agree with those who have said you need to go there. I hope you get it sorted out. It seems it has been bothering you for a while?

OhSoStranger · 05/04/2022 16:49

I'm not surprised you are questioning things OP. Hope there is a reasonable explanation.

Any form in telling lies?

girlmom21 · 05/04/2022 16:52

@Cakecakecheese

The OP clearly states in her first post that she often needs to phone him about work, it's not like she's badgering him about what he wants for tea!

The fact that he was shifty about talking to 'someone' isn't great, is there anyone you wouldn't be thrilled about him talking to, a relative you fell out with etc?

She actually said they have to call each other sometimes.

I'm obviously just guessing but the OP and thread suggest she's calling him a lot more than she needs to, otherwise why would the guy answering the phone be sighing?

Either she's calling regularly and he's avoiding her, or she's calling occasionally and the employee has to put off everyone calling for her husband.

midsomermurderess · 05/04/2022 16:52

This has turned into a mad 20 questions: is he going to Greggs? buying birthday cakes? selling coke? using prostitutes? doing a second job? at Starbucks? at the bookies? secretly smoking? It's almost comical, but not for the OP.

pompei8309 · 05/04/2022 16:57

Is very possible that your husband might be entertained by another person working in the shop/units next to his ?? maybe just hanging outside talking? most possibly a female friend in my opinion

Nothappyatwork · 05/04/2022 16:57

Just turn up at his office, your gut instincts are never ever wrong. I knew my ex was having an affair I barked up the wrong tree with whom he was having an affair with but I was not wrong that he was most definitely having an affair when I knew he was having an affair so just go and catch him.

WTF475878237NC · 05/04/2022 17:00

otherwise why would the guy answering the phone be sighing?

^ hates his job?
Knows this guy is up to no good?

silversequin · 05/04/2022 17:03

@1forAll74

Why can't you ask your Husband why this same scenario plays out all the time, or perhaps leave him in peace to do his work, instead of all the phoning.. He has probably got a co-worker to say that he is out, as he doesn't want to immediately jump up and chat to you. It must be very annoying to be phoned whilst at work, unless it's an absolute emergency.
This.

I’m a bit confused by the scenario. If you need to call him for work purposes then wouldn’t people in your unit know what’s going on? Where I’ve worked people have known what’s going on in other departments, especially when they need to communicate about work. Why do you always need to call him in particular if it is for work purposes? Does anyone else where you work need to call him?

loverofpants · 05/04/2022 17:05

Is there a pub near by? On the edge of the units by the residential area? Is it possible that he's drinking?

WTF475878237NC · 05/04/2022 17:06

I’m a bit confused by the scenario.

^ that's irrelevant and of no concern to the OP. She has bigger problems than whether you understand her work set up.

Sunnytwobridges · 05/04/2022 17:07

If you ask him he will lie then change things up or come up with another way to deal with whatever he's doing. Don't ask him. Before I hire a PI I would go to his job on my lunch hour, or whatever time of day he usually is not taking the calls.

girlmom21 · 05/04/2022 17:11

I suppose you could turn up at the unit and do a dramatic "oh thank god you're ok, i thought something must be wrong as nobody answered the phone"

But if he's not shagging Sandra from the escort agency in the next unit when you arrive you'll be none the wiser.

This is the issue with you, or anyone else, checking up on him. If he's not actually doing anything wrong you still won't believe it. You'll just think you haven't caught him yet.

Dixiechickonhols · 05/04/2022 17:12

Op says calls are work related and always done it for but it’s changed in last year. Unless Op has suddenly upped call ratio it’s odd there’s such a noticeable change which points to something happening. How did his business fare with covid? Can you see if tax, vat up to date etc.

Bournetilly · 05/04/2022 17:18

Sounds to me like he could be working in a different unit/ taking on extra work. If you are calling at different times of the day and he is always outside I doubt he would always be talking to someone else.

HollowTalk · 05/04/2022 17:23

My son used to work in a place split into units - there were lots of different types of small businesses there. He used to go to talk to different people in their offices sometimes - it was quite sociable at times. If he was talking to a smoker outside you'd know because the smell would linger. That, together with the fact he hates cigarettes means that's not what's happening.

If he is chatting regularly to someone then it'll just be someone with her own office, maybe, and it sounds as though it's pissing off his colleagues. I don't know how a visit would help you, really.