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DH not inside work when I call?

294 replies

msscarlettwith · 05/04/2022 11:39

It would be useful to know what other think of this, if this is paranoia or not.
Me and DH work separately but will sometimes need to call one another about work. We are both self-employed. This has been for years. In the past year I started to notice that when I call his unit his employee would say DH is out (always at the same place) and will get DH to call me back.
The reason it started me to wonder what was going on was that the employee ( who is male) was starting to sound robotic. They'd always say exactly the same thing, almost with a sigh. Then DH would call me back usually fairly soon afterwards. It got to the stage where it was decided I'd call his mobile rather than the land-line. I can't remember how this was decided or what reason was given at the time.
There have been a few other things since I've been calling his mobile which made me wonder if DH is not actually inside the unit when I call.
He has an 'indoor' job, so not like he's outside working on cars for example. He's not a smoker so doesn't need to go outside.
It sometimes sounds like he's outside, but then is inside the building as our conversation progresses.
I once got what sounded like a divert signal when calling him.
He answered once sounding out of breath, I said that he sounded out of breath and he said he was running to the unit then quickly corrected himself, laughed and said, ' to the unit?! I mean, across the unit, der '.
His employee answered his mobile once inside and said DH was outside talking to someone. DH must have pre-asked employee to do that as they would never normally answer each others phones.
There are a couple of other more specific examples too which suggest DH is often outside the unit, but close enough to return in minutes.
I can't think what he's doing that he's outside but close to the unit but that he needs to effectively lie to me.

OP posts:
forevertired12 · 05/04/2022 14:36

F

BornBlonde · 05/04/2022 14:37

Could he have changed jobs and have the man covering for him? Ie could he have been made redundant/sacked and be scarred to tell you? Do you have sight of his salary?

BornBlonde · 05/04/2022 14:38

Could you "surprise" him for lunch?

JanBabiesBrummyMummy · 05/04/2022 14:43

Could he be in the bookies?

Minatrina · 05/04/2022 14:43

People get a lot of stick for saying this on mumsnet but I'd honestly just go down the PI route if it were me

marqueses · 05/04/2022 14:45

@forevertired12

F
So rude, the OP is clearly worried and all you want to do is rubberneck.
msscarlettwith · 05/04/2022 14:46

@JanBabiesBrummyMummy

Could he be in the bookies?
No. One, there aren't any. Two, he'll gamble now and again online. Three, he's not really into gambling. Nor would he be into anything which might lead to criminal activity, like drug dealing, because he'd be too scared.
OP posts:
marqueses · 05/04/2022 14:47

@Cakeandcardio

Could he be dealing drugs outside the unit?
Would that be an all day outside activity? It sounds like for some reason he isn't where he says he is all the time. I have no personal experience but wouldn't drug dealing just involve occasional quick trips outside?
1forAll74 · 05/04/2022 14:48

Why can't you ask your Husband why this same scenario plays out all the time, or perhaps leave him in peace to do his work, instead of all the phoning.. He has probably got a co-worker to say that he is out, as he doesn't want to immediately jump up and chat to you. It must be very annoying to be phoned whilst at work, unless it's an absolute emergency.

msscarlettwith · 05/04/2022 14:50

DW I'll post update if I find anything. I don't care if some posters follow out of curiosity. Posting here helps me focus my thoughts. @HangingRock25 you've been very helpful in pointing out something I hadn't thought of.

OP posts:
OvOvO · 05/04/2022 14:51

You say your DH is S/E, if it's not too outing what exactly does his job entail?

ColdSeptember · 05/04/2022 14:52

A lot of great stalking tips here. Well done everyone.
Just talk to him like a grownup. He's probably not dealing drugs or using prostitutes (WTF). Very controlling to show up at his place of work demanding to know why he isn't available to speak to you every minute of the working day.

midsomermurderess · 05/04/2022 14:59

@forevertired12

F
Not cool, not cool at all. There is a watch this thread button. Use that. Much less crass.
HangingRock25 · 05/04/2022 15:08

@msscarlettwith

DW I'll post update if I find anything. I don't care if some posters follow out of curiosity. Posting here helps me focus my thoughts. *@HangingRock25* you've been very helpful in pointing out something I hadn't thought of.
Thank you. And I sincerely hope none of what I said comes to pass. Flowers
GlitteryGreen · 05/04/2022 15:11

Is there no chance his work could be taking him outside during the day OP?

If not, I guess my first thought would be that he doesn't work there anymore but has asked his former colleague to cover for him. Can you see his bank statements or anything like that, to see if income is coming from somewhere different now?

girlmom21 · 05/04/2022 15:12

@Minatrina

People get a lot of stick for saying this on mumsnet but I'd honestly just go down the PI route if it were me
Instead of just asking him or going there or, you know, ending the relationship if it's clearly not great anyway?
WTF475878237NC · 05/04/2022 15:16

Hopefully there is a totally innocent explanation but if not and you need advice there are so many women here you've been through some kind of betrayal whether gambling, escorts, OW you'll have lots of support.

midsomermurderess · 05/04/2022 15:17

If someone goes to the length of hiring a PI, surely the relationship is over. If I found out my partner had done that instead of asking me what was going on, I doubt I'd be hanging around.

WTF475878237NC · 05/04/2022 15:19

asking me what was going on

^ trawl through the relationship boards. You will not find many where the OP didn't ask then get gaslight and lied to before eventually finding out the truth (in some form) months or years later. Liars lie. Very well!

Silverclocks · 05/04/2022 15:20

Yes, agree if you're hiring a PI the marriage is over regardless of what you find

midsomermurderess · 05/04/2022 15:22

But hiring a PI, using a tracker? If you are so lacking in trust, think your being lied to, gaslit, your relationship is over. Where do you go from there? Back to business as usual? It's pretty extreme behaviour.

Canyouanswermyquestion · 05/04/2022 15:22

This is the weirdest thread ever,

Man is not immediatley available to answer wifes call whilest at work and the mumsnet brigade automatically assume hes having an affair wtaf??

FalafelAddict · 05/04/2022 15:25

@Silverclocks

Yes, agree if you're hiring a PI the marriage is over regardless of what you find
I don't know, you know. Sometimes you just need to know. I have hired a PI in the past and it was very useful. The fact that he's not where he should be when she calls all the time is suspicious and she doesn't want to alert him in case he changes his behaviour and buries whatever it is he is doing even further. But a PI can confirm where he is (for example) without him getting suspicious and without the need for her to alert him to her suspicions.

I'm not saying it's the right thing to do and it is expensive. It's probably easier for the OP to go and look.

His work mates must know something is up if he is forever not where he is supposed to be too.

It might be something innocent like they've turfed some employees out of the unit to a less desirable location and he doesn't want to say anything!

Meklk · 05/04/2022 15:26

Oh... reminds me my ex boss... We had to deal with his wife all the time as she was feeling that something is not ok and was calling every single hour. And yes, boss was out for a dates with other women.

Dixiechickonhols · 05/04/2022 15:27

Have you checked companies house and seen any changes to accounts or do you have access to his accounts. Is money coming in to your account the same. Any applications for loan etc - look at credit.
I think if he was stood chatting to a smoker for hours he'd smell of smoke plus why wouldn't he just answer mobile (even if ow he could say i'm just with a customer i'll call you back)
Is the sighing male assistant someone you know - I'm just wondering if he could be using a virtual PA service to cover.
I think look to see what type of business are there it doesn't sound like you go there - is his business there. Could be done in evening so you aren't seen.
Then a pop in and suprise him type visit. Look at his reaction and his employees - can they meet your eye.
Hope you find out for your own peace of mind.

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