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DH not inside work when I call?

294 replies

msscarlettwith · 05/04/2022 11:39

It would be useful to know what other think of this, if this is paranoia or not.
Me and DH work separately but will sometimes need to call one another about work. We are both self-employed. This has been for years. In the past year I started to notice that when I call his unit his employee would say DH is out (always at the same place) and will get DH to call me back.
The reason it started me to wonder what was going on was that the employee ( who is male) was starting to sound robotic. They'd always say exactly the same thing, almost with a sigh. Then DH would call me back usually fairly soon afterwards. It got to the stage where it was decided I'd call his mobile rather than the land-line. I can't remember how this was decided or what reason was given at the time.
There have been a few other things since I've been calling his mobile which made me wonder if DH is not actually inside the unit when I call.
He has an 'indoor' job, so not like he's outside working on cars for example. He's not a smoker so doesn't need to go outside.
It sometimes sounds like he's outside, but then is inside the building as our conversation progresses.
I once got what sounded like a divert signal when calling him.
He answered once sounding out of breath, I said that he sounded out of breath and he said he was running to the unit then quickly corrected himself, laughed and said, ' to the unit?! I mean, across the unit, der '.
His employee answered his mobile once inside and said DH was outside talking to someone. DH must have pre-asked employee to do that as they would never normally answer each others phones.
There are a couple of other more specific examples too which suggest DH is often outside the unit, but close enough to return in minutes.
I can't think what he's doing that he's outside but close to the unit but that he needs to effectively lie to me.

OP posts:
CockSpadget · 06/04/2022 12:39

[quote midsomermurderess]@CockSpadget, things have, ahem, moved on.[/quote]
Yeah, just saw 🤦‍♀️

ouch12345 · 06/04/2022 12:45

I don't mean to sound naive but he could be doing absolutely anything. It doesn't necessarily point to another woman. He might be vaping, he might be skiving, there could be a bloke he's friendly with, he could be playing Pokémon go. There are endless things he could be doing that don't point to an Ow.

midsomermurderess · 06/04/2022 12:51

As it turns out, he is doing nowt at all, seeing as he was a figment of the OP's imagination.

Crikeyalmighty · 06/04/2022 12:57

THere seriously are some absolutely batshit crazy folks out there

DFOD · 06/04/2022 13:01

She drives up slowly to the industrial park to be met with a hive of activity - loads of blokes rushing about in tool belts with pot plants and soft furnishings.

Flood lights and camera crews and her DH is in deep conversation with Nick Knowles … only for her to discover that he has been working morning noon and night to convert 50 units into safe peaceful homes for Ukrainian women and children feeling war.

Samarie123 · 06/04/2022 13:09

She found out DH had been lying all along
He didn’t actually work IN the unit but worked outside as the window cleaner.
And the guy answering his phone was sitting in the car sorting the water hoses.

debwong · 06/04/2022 13:30

Plot twist: the OP drives to the unit, only to find out that DH actually works at UNIT from Doctor Who, and it is being attacked by Daleks.

girlmom21 · 06/04/2022 13:35

He's actually an alien and teleports back to the unit when he receives the signal that his human wife is calling - but there's a delay because the WiFi isn't great in space.

OP is actually the OW - but does it count as an affair if your other wife is a other-worldly being?

Staffy1 · 06/04/2022 13:56

I am interested to know what makes the mods think the OP is not genuine. I mean, I know it’s a weird one, but no weirder than many other posts on here.
My guess is that the DH has found a leprechaun community living in the bushes outside the unit and spends most of his time chatting with them.

Stillafatknacker · 06/04/2022 14:03

Grin Grin Grin

SecretPineapple · 06/04/2022 14:08

Oh @HebeMumsnet that is MUCH more fun than just deleting the thread! Grin

JulesRimetStillGleaming · 06/04/2022 14:09

I think DH is moonlighting as a crystal healer and every time she calls he's outside cleansing his crystals. The telephone guy thinks it's all pointless woo hence the sighing.

FairWindClearSailing · 06/04/2022 14:10

He's batman. Constantly away fighting local crime

ItsLisaLou · 06/04/2022 14:24

Wait why is this one fake? Could have been way juicier in that case! For example what if the telephone guy was ALSO out of breath whenever he answered…

etherealbeauty · 06/04/2022 14:26

Mumsnet can we please do this in future instead of deletion....

girlmom21 · 06/04/2022 14:29

@ItsLisaLou

Wait why is this one fake? Could have been way juicier in that case! For example what if the telephone guy was ALSO out of breath whenever he answered…
Well what are the husband and his employee doing so they're both regularly out of breath, wink wink nudge nudge
CuddlyCactus · 06/04/2022 14:45

I think they know it's fake because the unit the DH works in is actually Mumsnet

Ponderingwindow · 06/04/2022 14:56

She drives up and discovers an elaborate parkour setup surrounding the building. He is out of breath because he has been alternating between arranging his practice field and practicing runs and jumps.

Blondeshavemorefun · 06/04/2022 15:07

@HebeMumsnet far better idea

I hate it when threads get deleted

So op drove to the unit. There was no one there. it was empty apart from a pair of shoes and a phone

There was a puddle on the floor around the shoes and phone

CarrieMoonbeams · 06/04/2022 15:09

I think he's actually set up a goat sanctuary.

There's only 3 goats in residence at the moment, a wee one, a medium one and a biggy, but that's fine because he can't get a chance to deal with many more because his pesky wife keeps phoning.

He's currently building a bridge between the unit where his work is and a meadow, across a stream so they can get to some nice fresh grass.

He doesn't want to tell the OP because she has severe capraphobia (thank you Google!) from the time when a goat bit her on the arse on holiday in Switzerland, so even mentioning "the G word" brings her out in hives.

HebeMumsnet · 06/04/2022 15:14

@CuddlyCactus

I think they know it's fake because the unit the DH works in is actually Mumsnet
MichaelMumsnet, sitting on a BMX outside the door to the MumsnetUnit with some suspicious-looking goats.

"Phone for you, Michael. It's a woman..."

NeverDropYourMooncup · 06/04/2022 15:15

@Ponderingwindow

She drives up and discovers an elaborate parkour setup surrounding the building. He is out of breath because he has been alternating between arranging his practice field and practicing runs and jumps.
She sits there in her car and slowly the pieces begin to fall into place.

The breathlessness and running to/from the Unit.
The sudden liking for blue and red clothes.
The times she had walked after him into the bathroom with a tiny window he couldn't possibly climb through, but he wasn't there.
The strange, sticky white residue on his trousers.

All about the time when he mentioned that he'd been bitten by a spider that had come out of the fruit import warehouse next door to the unit.

He'd started getting a bit more muscular around that time. And definitely better at anticipating unexpected road hazards when driving.

But shifty, so shifty.

butterpuffed · 06/04/2022 15:24

DH has applied as a runner for a film producer in a remake of Chariots of Fire . He doesn't realise a runner for films is basically a dogsbody looking after everyone . He thinks he's going to be one of the lead actors
and has been practising his running outside the unit.

CuddlyCactus · 06/04/2022 15:26

suspicious-looking goats.

GrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrin @HebeMumsnet

whoturnedthesunoff · 06/04/2022 16:29

I think she drove to the unit and sigh guy gazed longingly at Fred outside , who has taken up smoking to avoid his unwanted sexual advances and thought there's that biatch that keeps calling .. runs over and then realises ... is that you Gladys .. didn't we do home economics together ? How are youuuuuuuuuuu? Long time no see , let's go for a coffee ... fuck him he stinks of fags