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DH not inside work when I call?

294 replies

msscarlettwith · 05/04/2022 11:39

It would be useful to know what other think of this, if this is paranoia or not.
Me and DH work separately but will sometimes need to call one another about work. We are both self-employed. This has been for years. In the past year I started to notice that when I call his unit his employee would say DH is out (always at the same place) and will get DH to call me back.
The reason it started me to wonder what was going on was that the employee ( who is male) was starting to sound robotic. They'd always say exactly the same thing, almost with a sigh. Then DH would call me back usually fairly soon afterwards. It got to the stage where it was decided I'd call his mobile rather than the land-line. I can't remember how this was decided or what reason was given at the time.
There have been a few other things since I've been calling his mobile which made me wonder if DH is not actually inside the unit when I call.
He has an 'indoor' job, so not like he's outside working on cars for example. He's not a smoker so doesn't need to go outside.
It sometimes sounds like he's outside, but then is inside the building as our conversation progresses.
I once got what sounded like a divert signal when calling him.
He answered once sounding out of breath, I said that he sounded out of breath and he said he was running to the unit then quickly corrected himself, laughed and said, ' to the unit?! I mean, across the unit, der '.
His employee answered his mobile once inside and said DH was outside talking to someone. DH must have pre-asked employee to do that as they would never normally answer each others phones.
There are a couple of other more specific examples too which suggest DH is often outside the unit, but close enough to return in minutes.
I can't think what he's doing that he's outside but close to the unit but that he needs to effectively lie to me.

OP posts:
Fireflygal · 05/04/2022 13:42

@HollowTalk, agreed, just suggest she calls first, gets the brush off and then calls from a different number

msscarlettwith · 05/04/2022 13:43

@HollowTalk

I wonder what would happen if someone else called the office number with an unrecognised phone? What would that guy say then? Do you have anyone who could do that?
I don't feel confident enough to ask anyone in case they think I'm paranoid. But I suppose if someone were to ask for him, the guy would ask what is in connection with. Then if DH was out, the guy would ask to take their number and get DH to call them back (if DH wasn't there).
OP posts:
GodspeedJune · 05/04/2022 13:45

That’s really odd and I’d be suspicious too. What does your instinct tell you?

Alicetheowl · 05/04/2022 13:48

How is the business going? Has he hit hard times, only has enough work for his assistant to do, and is working at another unit, but doesn't want to worry you? It's a very strange arrangement with OW if he can always ring back immediately.

Dixiechickonhols · 05/04/2022 13:50

I think you are right something feels off. I think the pop in for lunch as you were passing or to drop something off. See how he reacts.
I’d call work not mobile now on and maybe keep a log. If every time you call he’s not there then you’ll have to ask him.

chocmuffin82 · 05/04/2022 13:53

Can you put a tracker on him? - Only half joking.

msscarlettwith · 05/04/2022 13:53

@GodspeedJune

That’s really odd and I’d be suspicious too. What does your instinct tell you?
My instinct says that he's chatting regularly to someone, but outside the unit, but close enough to run back in if I call. My instinct would say that whoever he's chatting to, he thinks I would disapprove, which is why he hasn't mentioned it. To be chatting to someone outside regularly, my instinct would say a smoker (not him, the other person).
OP posts:
Dixiechickonhols · 05/04/2022 13:57

Are there any businesses nearby like cafe or gyms?
If assistant phones him and says wife looking for you does he phone from mobile or unit landline - just wondering if you know he’s definitely run back into unit so is close by or could be calling from anywhere.

marqueses · 05/04/2022 13:59

If it happens every time you ring that would suggest he's never where you think he is which assuming you ring randomly with no pattern would mean he's changed his workplace and hasn't told you for some reason

It seems super unlikely that by chance every time you ring he just happens to be out chatting unless he never does any work

msscarlettwith · 05/04/2022 14:02

He told me one time of a minor car accident he saw at the back of the unit, he sort of absentmindedly was telling me about the bad driving, then said he saw it 'as I was talking to ... (pause) someone'. I asked him 'who?' and he said he couldn't remember who he had been talking to.
At the time I didn't think much of it.
Now I'm starting to question it.

OP posts:
HangingRock25 · 05/04/2022 14:02

My instinct says that he's chatting regularly to someone, but outside the unit, but close enough to run back in if I call.
My instinct would say that whoever he's chatting to, he thinks I would disapprove, which is why he hasn't mentioned it.

Sorry honey but I don't think it is anything even remotely as innocent as that! And if he didn't like the smell of smoke, he wouldn't be outside chatting to them so often. He'd chat to them inside, or via text. He either has second job on the side as his main job has fallen on hard times, or another woman. Does anyone know if any of the 'units' are escort agencies or similar that he could be splitting his day doing the two jobs? What sort of businesses, exactly, are in that vicinity? If not prostitution, perhaps gambling.

But I truly doubt he isn't answering your calls simply because he is chatting to a smoker outside on his work time. That doesn't make sense on first glance, doubly so when you add he can't stand the smell of cigarette smoke.

Silverclocks · 05/04/2022 14:06

What does he do that he can spend all of his working day outside "chatting"?

Do you know how the business is doing? Really, not what he tells you?

marqueses · 05/04/2022 14:08

He either has second job on the side as his main job has fallen on hard times, or another woman. Does anyone know if any of the 'units' are escort agencies or similar that he could be splitting his day doing the two jobs? What sort of businesses, exactly, are in that vicinity? If not prostitution, perhaps gambling

Oh my! That's quite the leap there Shock Grin

HangingRock25 · 05/04/2022 14:11

@marqueses

He either has second job on the side as his main job has fallen on hard times, or another woman. Does anyone know if any of the 'units' are escort agencies or similar that he could be splitting his day doing the two jobs? What sort of businesses, exactly, are in that vicinity? If not prostitution, perhaps gambling

Oh my! That's quite the leap there Shock Grin

Maybe but I've heard of similar, at least 2 different times over the years. The wife/girlfriend had no idea and never suspected anything.
msscarlettwith · 05/04/2022 14:12

@HangingRock25

*My instinct says that he's chatting regularly to someone, but outside the unit, but close enough to run back in if I call. My instinct would say that whoever he's chatting to, he thinks I would disapprove, which is why he hasn't mentioned it.*

Sorry honey but I don't think it is anything even remotely as innocent as that! And if he didn't like the smell of smoke, he wouldn't be outside chatting to them so often. He'd chat to them inside, or via text. He either has second job on the side as his main job has fallen on hard times, or another woman. Does anyone know if any of the 'units' are escort agencies or similar that he could be splitting his day doing the two jobs? What sort of businesses, exactly, are in that vicinity? If not prostitution, perhaps gambling.

But I truly doubt he isn't answering your calls simply because he is chatting to a smoker outside on his work time. That doesn't make sense on first glance, doubly so when you add he can't stand the smell of cigarette smoke.

Thanks for being direct.

I'll try to go to the vicinity in person by myself and see what the units are. I haven't been in a while, I know one unit changed hands last summer to some eastern european tenants (male). DH said they seemed friendly. There's also been some building work around the area so maybe something has changed which might shed light on it for me.

OP posts:
WTF475878237NC · 05/04/2022 14:13

Do you think this someone is another woman?

ladydimitrescu · 05/04/2022 14:15

You're going to have to go down there.

msscarlettwith · 05/04/2022 14:15

@Silverclocks

What does he do that he can spend all of his working day outside "chatting"?

Do you know how the business is doing? Really, not what he tells you?

He definitely does what he says he does.

How much time he spends doing that is less certain though. The other poster who suggested he might be splitting his time, that's not something I could rule out now, thinking about it. I'd never know. He has reliable employees who could be doing most of the work for him while he does something else.

OP posts:
Vapeyvapevape · 05/04/2022 14:16

When you call the land line next and he's not there , I would innocently mention that he's always out and ask where does he go ? You might get an inkling whether he's up to no good by the way they answer.

msscarlettwith · 05/04/2022 14:17

@ladydimitrescu

You're going to have to go down there.
I agree that's my only solution unfortunately. It's a bit difficult to go there and not been seen though.
OP posts:
Vapeyvapevape · 05/04/2022 14:19

Can you send a friend?

girlmom21 · 05/04/2022 14:20

Why not just ask him why he's never available when you call?

msscarlettwith · 05/04/2022 14:21

This thread has helped me focus my thoughts. TY all. Feeling a bit shaky now as this could potentially be something much bigger than just chatting to a woman at back of unit.

OP posts:
Cakeandcardio · 05/04/2022 14:27

Could he be dealing drugs outside the unit?

marqueses · 05/04/2022 14:28

@msscarlettwith

This thread has helped me focus my thoughts. TY all. Feeling a bit shaky now as this could potentially be something much bigger than just chatting to a woman at back of unit.
Is there any believable reason that you might be passing - work or visiting a friend or picking something up?
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