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DH not inside work when I call?

294 replies

msscarlettwith · 05/04/2022 11:39

It would be useful to know what other think of this, if this is paranoia or not.
Me and DH work separately but will sometimes need to call one another about work. We are both self-employed. This has been for years. In the past year I started to notice that when I call his unit his employee would say DH is out (always at the same place) and will get DH to call me back.
The reason it started me to wonder what was going on was that the employee ( who is male) was starting to sound robotic. They'd always say exactly the same thing, almost with a sigh. Then DH would call me back usually fairly soon afterwards. It got to the stage where it was decided I'd call his mobile rather than the land-line. I can't remember how this was decided or what reason was given at the time.
There have been a few other things since I've been calling his mobile which made me wonder if DH is not actually inside the unit when I call.
He has an 'indoor' job, so not like he's outside working on cars for example. He's not a smoker so doesn't need to go outside.
It sometimes sounds like he's outside, but then is inside the building as our conversation progresses.
I once got what sounded like a divert signal when calling him.
He answered once sounding out of breath, I said that he sounded out of breath and he said he was running to the unit then quickly corrected himself, laughed and said, ' to the unit?! I mean, across the unit, der '.
His employee answered his mobile once inside and said DH was outside talking to someone. DH must have pre-asked employee to do that as they would never normally answer each others phones.
There are a couple of other more specific examples too which suggest DH is often outside the unit, but close enough to return in minutes.
I can't think what he's doing that he's outside but close to the unit but that he needs to effectively lie to me.

OP posts:
midsomermurderess · 05/04/2022 15:28

A PI might be able to confirm where someone is but it doesn't change the fact that fundamentally you don't trust them.

Regularsizedrudy · 05/04/2022 15:29

Why don’t you ask him?

DameHelena · 05/04/2022 15:31

Can you just say lightly, 'You always seem to be outside when I call. Are you smoking in secret?' like it's a joke.
His reaction might shed light.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/04/2022 15:33

I hope all is well. It does sound really odd. On the one hand, yes, it could be an ow. On the other, he might just not want you to know he goes to the office to slack off.

Grasping · 05/04/2022 15:34

I’m amazed the posters say ‘why don’t you ask him?’

Strangely, because if it’s anything dodgy he will lie, and then also know you’re aware and be extra careful.

Bluetrews25 · 05/04/2022 15:34

Can you 'accidentally' video call him via whatsapp if you normally voicecall him through it? Just hit the wrong button, oops.

SuspiciousScully · 05/04/2022 15:34

@1forAll74

Why can't you ask your Husband why this same scenario plays out all the time, or perhaps leave him in peace to do his work, instead of all the phoning.. He has probably got a co-worker to say that he is out, as he doesn't want to immediately jump up and chat to you. It must be very annoying to be phoned whilst at work, unless it's an absolute emergency.
Shock Who pissed on your chips!?
Silverclocks · 05/04/2022 15:37

@Grasping

I’m amazed the posters say ‘why don’t you ask him?’

Strangely, because if it’s anything dodgy he will lie, and then also know you’re aware and be extra careful.

I didn't suggest OP should ask, only that her reluctance to do so demonstrates that she already knows what the answer is .
2DogsOnMySofa · 05/04/2022 15:41

If he's constantly outside or 'away' how is he managing that, surely his employers would be questioning why he's away from his duties all the time?

Puffalicious · 05/04/2022 15:41

Don't you think it's jumping the gun a bit to start thinking he's involved with prostitution/ gambling/ illegal activity?Confused

gogohm · 05/04/2022 15:43

I can't help thinking there's bound to be a far more normal explanation, I have a desk bound job yet today I went to the post office, went to lidl and was outside fiddling with the notice board. We have something called trust so I wouldn't expect dp to call to check up on me, and he wouldn't be concerned that last week I had coffee with a male colleague, I know dodgy Grin

HangingRock25 · 05/04/2022 15:44

I personally think a PI is more the way to go. They have ways to get info that the wife doesn't. Also, speaking generally, if something is really wrong and a spouse (male or female) is up to something either illegal or that could cause the other spouse hardship or debt, getting proof is very important, and part of 'getting your ducks in a row'.

If OP, or indeed any woman or any man can afford a PI, they should do it. It's not about 'trust', it's about protecting yourself and your assets/debt/credit rating/against legal trouble or claims in a dispute or split. It's a very prudent thing.

It's so easy to claim 'oh well the relationship is dead if you don't trust him/her', but legalities and details can really mess up your life.

marqueses · 05/04/2022 15:45

@gogohm

I can't help thinking there's bound to be a far more normal explanation, I have a desk bound job yet today I went to the post office, went to lidl and was outside fiddling with the notice board. We have something called trust so I wouldn't expect dp to call to check up on me, and he wouldn't be concerned that last week I had coffee with a male colleague, I know dodgy Grin
Are you replying to a different thread? That's not what this one is about.
girlmom21 · 05/04/2022 15:45

@Grasping

I’m amazed the posters say ‘why don’t you ask him?’

Strangely, because if it’s anything dodgy he will lie, and then also know you’re aware and be extra careful.

Yes but he's her husband. She'll know whether he's bullshitting her if she asks him outright.

There's a good chance there's a perfectly sensible reason - like, you know, he's actually working and too busy to talk.

If you think a private investigator or stalking him is a more sensible solution that's your issue.

Dixiechickonhols · 05/04/2022 15:45

Could you find letting agent details for units and maybe see if you can find anything re when let and who to.
Not sure what business he runs but i'm wondering if he's running a second business in adjacent unit you don't know about. If business one runs itself with decent employees so he's at business two.

midsomermurderess · 05/04/2022 15:47

@Puffalicious

Don't you think it's jumping the gun a bit to start thinking he's involved with prostitution/ gambling/ illegal activity?Confused
Well, you'd think, but on here, not so much. Some is doubtless projection from users' experience, but in some cases I think people have watched too many mid-afternoon Sony movies.
BoredZelda · 05/04/2022 15:48

Man is not immediatley available to answer wifes call whilest at work and the mumsnet brigade automatically assume hes having an affair wtaf??

And, hire a PI 🤦🏻‍♀️

My husband rarely answers the phone when I call. He calls me back. Same if he calls me at work. Neither of us are having an affair, we’re just working. The standard response is “they’re not here at the moment”. If that equates to “they are outside chatting someone up” then our receptionist had better change her lines.

MoiraNotRuby · 05/04/2022 15:48

So he works indoors as e.g. IT Repair and you think he's mainly outside, is he chatting up (or just passing time chatting shit with) the unit next door e.g. Car Dealership? Is business really slow and he doesn't want to tell you?

Lovemusic33 · 05/04/2022 15:48

Is there a coffee shop near by, maybe he’s got a costa coffee addiction and runs off to get a coffee several times a day?

I would drop in one day and see what’s he’s up too.

Or you could just ask him?

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 05/04/2022 15:50

@alicetheowl
@bornblonde

This is along the lines of what I was thinking.

Reduced work, lesser job etc. Embarrassed to admit it.

Dixiechickonhols · 05/04/2022 15:51

2Dogs He's self employed - it's his business.

HangingRock25 · 05/04/2022 15:51

@girlmom21 Yes but he's her husband. She'll know whether he's bullshitting her if she asks him outright.

The literally thousands of women on this site alone that were gaslit into believing their husband proves the exact opposite. If women 'knew whether he's bullshitting', this site wouldn't have a need to even exist. Bar parenting advice, of course.

Puffalicious · 05/04/2022 15:52

Yes midsommermurderess exactly!

OverByYer · 05/04/2022 15:54

Is there a Greggs nearby? Maybe he is sneaking out for a sneaky sausage roll.

I know a few guys at work whose wives snd them in with healthy packed lunches and they sneak out for a naughty pasty.

5128gap · 05/04/2022 15:54

@HangingRock25

*My instinct says that he's chatting regularly to someone, but outside the unit, but close enough to run back in if I call. My instinct would say that whoever he's chatting to, he thinks I would disapprove, which is why he hasn't mentioned it.*

Sorry honey but I don't think it is anything even remotely as innocent as that! And if he didn't like the smell of smoke, he wouldn't be outside chatting to them so often. He'd chat to them inside, or via text. He either has second job on the side as his main job has fallen on hard times, or another woman. Does anyone know if any of the 'units' are escort agencies or similar that he could be splitting his day doing the two jobs? What sort of businesses, exactly, are in that vicinity? If not prostitution, perhaps gambling.

But I truly doubt he isn't answering your calls simply because he is chatting to a smoker outside on his work time. That doesn't make sense on first glance, doubly so when you add he can't stand the smell of cigarette smoke.

Men can often overcome their aversion to the smell of smoke if the woman smoking is sufficiently attractive.
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