Tick tock: the one where Geller discovers Polly is no longer a doormat

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

AKA Co-parenting: I do not think it means what you think it means

Here we go again my lovelies! Will this be the one where I finally get divorced?!

Previous thread here

I have clock news! Turns out, no one wants it. Quelle surprise. Could I sell it? No, sez I, it’s worth ha’penny tuppence on a good day. Plus, no time.

Ha ha.

I suggested, because I am a kind hearted soul and because it’s already in a box and I don’t know which one that they keep the clock face and I get rid of the mechanism and the case. That appears to be a reasonable compromise. Pass me an axe.

The reason for the clock conversation? My brother phoned. My mother has given away my grandfather’s WW1 medals to a museum. WTF?! We’re going to try and get them back. She can’t see what she’s done wrong.

Solicitors on the other side for the house purchase are useless. Estate agent spoke to them today. They are awaiting proof of ID and funds on account?! WTF. I lost my shit a bit. I’d just come back from having a filling so I sounded three gins down, which I’m sure added to the effect.

Oh, and I haven’t stopped laughing for the last hour. A friend has found Geller’s profile on a dating app. It contains such gems as ‘addressing climate change one word at a time in my career as a professional’ and goes on to claim he ‘always has time’

Given me the best laugh I’ve had since my solicitor said she’d call me just to be sure that I wanted to file for absolute once the finance order is made…

Anyway, buckle up loves. It’ll be a ride, as ever…glad you could join me.

I think it's time to give your girls a bit of independence an have Gellar to stay away from your front door. The girls can walk from the gate/car if it's safe to and from the house/car. So you don't have to see him at drop off/pick up.

This too shall pass, Polly.

I found that healing from my ex was quite cyclic. I would deal with whatever fuckery he was playing at, sort out everything for my girls, keep the rest of the plates spinning, and deal with the anger and frustration at intervals. I would get better at it all, it would affect me less.

Then, after I'd been feeling more settled, more productive for a while, suddenly I would bit hit by a wall of emotion. Grief, resentment, anger, and everything would feel overwhelming again. Seeing him would feel almost triggering.

My theory is that we process our trauma when we're strong enough to do so. You heal from the last wave before hitting the next. Which is why it hits you when you're think you're on the mend. I try to deal with these waves by being very kind to myself. Extra self care, early nights, little to no alcohol, making sure I get time to myself everyday, even just 20 minutes curled up on the sofa with a good book and a nice blanket. I do everything I can to increase my sense of peace and safety, and avoid over stretching myself in anyway. This helps massively with feeling overwhelmed. Then I can sit with my feelings for a bit, allow myself to feel them, and try to pick through them and figure out what's actually bothering me.

It's not fun, and after feeling like I was doing so well, it always feels like such a kick in the teeth to crash again. But the more waves I get through, the better I get at processing them, and the sweeter it feels when I get out the other side. So this too shall pass.

I also think you need to write a list of all the fucking fabulous things you have achieved without him. All by your fucking fabulous self.

Beautiful home. Tick.
Decorated the way you bloody want. No unsolicited opinions. Tick. (Give it take mother dearest.)
You have helped heal your fragile dollies despite his best efforts to break them. Tick.
You have had mind-blowing sex. About time. You will never again settle for anything less. Tick.

Survived heartbreak. Tick.

Stopped undervaluing yourself and prioritizing undeserving men. Tick.

Discovered that you need a bona fide PARTNER in all senses of the word. One who makes you laugh and gives you the fanny gallops. Tick.

Discovered who your genuine friends are. Tick.

Discovered a herd of online friends from around the world. Tick.

You have chieved higher qualifications and professional success than that snivelling toad you walked down the aisle with in a previous life when you were young, naive and conditioned by your mother to think that you would never get better because you didn’t deserve better. You Tick. You have learned that your mummy dearest has her own issyoos that really have nothing to do with your reality.

*I really, really need you to think about all of these things. Then remind yourself that you evolved through all of this drama and achieved so much fabulousness WHILE in the middle of negotiating a divorce with said snivelling toad. How fucking marvellous are you??? GOLD STAR, Marvel Hero Style!!!

You are not diminished Love, you are in the eye of the storm and about to go Supernova! Now go and call your gin friend.

@Fraaahnces
What a lovely post 💝

Sorry about the typos. I am in and out of hospital on day five of migraine from hell. To quote Schwarzenegger, I can tell you unequivocally that it’s NOTTA TUMOH! (Had a scan today.) Poor Polly deserves nothing but sunshine and happiness and the ability to cause stray meteors to land on dickhead exes before they change their will.

I’m lucky in that my DC were in their 20s when I divorced, but @StuckInPollyannaMode I agree with a poster up thread in suggesting that you create a bit of distance on the drop offs and pick ups of the Dollies.

You have blossomed my lovely. We can all see that. You will too. KOKO.

Excellent suggestion and also good for the girls.

Home stretch... you're feeling cooked. You've been through a lot. Two years is a long time to be working at it. You've dug and dug to get to this point. Almost there. Perhaps it's because you're very tired, and he's given you one more emotional worm to defend against, and so you're running very low on resources. That doesn't mean you're in trouble, but it is important to recognise, which you have. It is absolutely temporary. Probably a defense mechanism against him pulling out one last pathetic stop. He's a stone in your shoe that has been doing its small job of causing pain for a long time, is it any wonder you just want to stop walking for a bit? Not long now til you can take them off and shake him out onto the road, and carry on without.

Oh Polly, you've been powering through for so long it's OK to need to take a breath. Get your friends around you and take some time to yourself.

As for Gellar, what an utter sleaze and creep. I agree about sending the girls out to cut down on your contact with him.

You've done so well and have so much to be proud of yourself for, let your friends pick you up and drive home how much you've achieved

@Fraaahnces is very wise - you have achieved so much - we are so proud of you.

I do wonder whether the way you are feeling at the moment is that horrid bounce-back you get when something stressful or tiring is over, and you can relax, but instead you get hit with all the pent up feelings and pain from what went before - if that makes any sense. Like when term or work finishes for the holidays, and instead of skipping energetically into the break, you immediately come down with some nasty virus and feel like crap.

I am sorry I haven’t commented for so long - this year has been a mix of good things - ds1 getting married (on the day of Storm Eunice, with the venue under the red weather warning), and him and my lovely DIL having their first baby - and stress - the baby was born a week early and had jaundice, and my DIL was ill for some weeks and needed surgery, so dh went and stayed with them, to help with the baby. Plus I still have long covid, and can’t even walk round the house without getting breathless and exhausted, so I was no use whatsoever to ds1, DIL or the baby. And our first dog died recently - she had had cancer and came through chemo, but was elderly, and picked up a gastric infection, and died very suddenly at the vet’s, but we have been asked to rehome a friend’s dog.

Hope you and the dollies enjoyed Halloween Polly. Did your manage to whip up a few potions, cast a few spells and stick pins in your wax doll of Gellar. Hopefully by now he has been turned into a big fat green toad.

How are you Polly?

I hope you and the Dollies are OK Polly? And that you are just taking some time for yourself.

Another one wondering how you are. I hope you're ok 💐

I’m ok guys! So are the Dollies. In spite of Geller’s best efforts. It’s just been insane of late and I’ve been very up and down. Tried being off social media / mn for a little bit to see if it helped. It didn’t so I’m back 😁

I’ll start a new thread later today. Xxxx

No mention of G in the title remember!

@StuckInPollyannaMode so glad you're back. I've been cheering you on from the sidelines for so long and I was really worried by your obvious change of mood. Geller must hate that you are getting your life together without him; his kind hate that and will want to feed, vampire like, on your new found strength. There will be highs and lows but do not let him undermine you now. Keep on doing what we all know you can do so well. Will be watching for the new thread title! You've got this, honestly.

You have to mention your new "I love Me" ring in the title.

New thread here

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