Tick tock: the one where Geller discovers Polly is no longer a doormat

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

AKA Co-parenting: I do not think it means what you think it means

Here we go again my lovelies! Will this be the one where I finally get divorced?!

Previous thread here

I have clock news! Turns out, no one wants it. Quelle surprise. Could I sell it? No, sez I, it’s worth ha’penny tuppence on a good day. Plus, no time.

Ha ha.

I suggested, because I am a kind hearted soul and because it’s already in a box and I don’t know which one that they keep the clock face and I get rid of the mechanism and the case. That appears to be a reasonable compromise. Pass me an axe.

The reason for the clock conversation? My brother phoned. My mother has given away my grandfather’s WW1 medals to a museum. WTF?! We’re going to try and get them back. She can’t see what she’s done wrong.

Solicitors on the other side for the house purchase are useless. Estate agent spoke to them today. They are awaiting proof of ID and funds on account?! WTF. I lost my shit a bit. I’d just come back from having a filling so I sounded three gins down, which I’m sure added to the effect.

Oh, and I haven’t stopped laughing for the last hour. A friend has found Geller’s profile on a dating app. It contains such gems as ‘addressing climate change one word at a time in my career as a professional’ and goes on to claim he ‘always has time’

Given me the best laugh I’ve had since my solicitor said she’d call me just to be sure that I wanted to file for absolute once the finance order is made…

Anyway, buckle up loves. It’ll be a ride, as ever…glad you could join me.

OMG he’s totally Mr Collins!

Well, we’re back to school with a bang. Cue meltdowns from DD1. Other than that, it’s going ok.

My main learning from this summer is that I need to slow things down a little. I had the weekend just gone on my own and crikey I needed it. Just the headspace and the chance to breathe. I’d love to get down to my beloved Cornwall for a weekend before winter but I’m not sure if I’ll make it, also it might be a step too far, I feel like I just need to hunker down.

Anyone else just feeling absolutely shattered? I want to eat soup and clean the house and wear jumpers and go to bed early.

Geller remains being Geller. The divorce paperwork is through but his solicitors hadn’t changed the address on the pension sharing arrangement so that all needs amending.

Not much else to say at the moment really. Keep on keeping on. I need the routine back and so do the Dollies.

Currently on no speaks with Westley. Said we needed a break for September to recalibrate. I miss him terribly but hopefully I’m through the worst of it.

funnily enough, guess who has come out of the woodwork?! DI Dishy 😂 honestly, they must have a sixth sense of when things happen. Fear not, I’m not going back there!

Very much like the suggestion of making the next thread about me and the Dollies and leaving Geller out of it. He basically is now just an irritant and a sideline to my life rather than the main thing.

Hope everyone else is doing ok? Returns to school and university gone well?

Hi Polly, I hope you all settle back into normality soon. I love the idea of your next thread being just you and the Dollies, it would be a marker for the end of the Age of Geller!

We're not quite at back to uni yet, DD2 has a field trip to South Africa first so we have a packed itinerary: move stuff into new accommodation on the 15th, off to SA on the 18th, pick up from Heathrow on the 27th and straight to Plymouth for moving in, first lecture two days later! And I'm going to have to do the Netherlands route for DD1's passport as well, there are just no slots to be had in the UK and they are cracking down on expired passports. I don't want her losing her Dutch citizenship. So I've pushed my going back to work back to November. Fortunately I can afford it, though I might pick up some bank work in October just to get my eye in.

And lastly DD2 has been diagnosed with BPD and PTSD. We aren't surprised and it means she's going to get the help she deserves. If she can come this far with those things untreated, things should get a lot better once she is getting support so this is a big positive development.

Wow @pointythings that sounds incredibly exciting for DD2! I hope she copes ok. It sounds like you are dealing with her diagnosis in the same way I am dealing with DD1s, it’ll be easier going forward. How has she responded to it?

@pointythings - having Dutch citizenship may be extremely helpful for DD2 with her diagnoses. I think they expedite MH issues (especially for the young) and have MUCH more support available for people with any kind of disability. There is a lot less social stigma as well.

@Fraaahnces we live in the UK though, so we are subject to the vagaries of NHS mental health services. However, at university there tends to be additional support for students to access. This has really helped DD1 when she was struggling, and DD2 has access to a specialist support service for people with BPD. There's a waiting list, but it's shorter.

@StuckInPollyannaMode DD feels relieved and validated. It was pretty clear what the problem was, and much of the cause (late husband's alcoholism and associated abusive behaviour) was obvious too. If you met DD, you wouldn't think anything was wrong, though you might (correctly) get autism vibes. It just goes to show that with insight and hard work you can come a long way - DD2 has really benefited from supportive online communities and already has an arsenal of healthy coping strategies. So now we can build on that.

My loves.

Been bumbling along ok. Rocked by the news on Thursday which is terribly sad and I feel for all the Royal family.

I couldn’t sleep last night. Gave up at 4am and was pottering about and then I did some work which involved some social media stuff.

Thought, and I don’t know why, but I’ll check Westley’s Twitter. Not something I’ve ever done before, but was feeling a bit nostalgic and lonely and shit.

Only to discover all the way through our relationship he was commenting with 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🤯🤯🤯 on (supposedly sexy) pics of one woman, who posts pouty selfies and pics of her chest and ones of her lounging sexily with tiny shorts on and the smallest tops in existence.

I feel sick. Absolutely heartbroken. Was what we had not enough for him?

if he ever had a second chance he’s blown it.

Oh Polly, so sorry to hear this. This is his inadequacy, nothing to do with what you shared, social media makes it all too easy for people to be thoughtless and grim. Gutting. Some hugs for you this morning.

Men are twats, you were always enough for him but men like an ego boost so they comment on 'sexy' photos and hope to get a comment back....

Honestly most men need to sort their egos out.

Are you going to ask him about it?

I am sorry, Polly. That must be a shock. Xx

I am so sorry, Polly. Why are so many men such inadequate assholes?

Give yourself time and then move on knowing you deserve better.

I’m not going to contact him. If he contacts me the only thing I’m going to say is ‘Who is X?’

there is no come back from this as far as I’m concerned. It’s totally disrespectful to me.

I feel utterly betrayed. I have no fear he cheated on me, she lives hundreds of miles away, but this is just grim. And it’s in public too. It was hiding in plain sight and I just blindly trusted him.

I’m glad I know now. Because he’s coming back in October and wants to see me. He can see me as a friend, but nothing else. He’s absolutely blown it.

The tears have stopped now thank god, and the anger has arrived.

@pointythings can I PM you with a question about Dutch citizenship?

Oh Polly. What a stupid thing for him to do :-( I'm so sorry

@Starlin of course, feel free.

@StuckInPollyannaMode anger is good and he's earned it. What an utter sleazebag. I don't understand how men are able to compartmentalise like this.

Oh Polly !

Smile ! Onwards and upwards!

I am so sorry Polly but I really suggest that you make a clean break from him rather than meeting up as friends. I think that will blur the lines for both of you.

If he asks to see you why not just say no & suggests he asks whateverher name is instead?

Or just block him now?

I agree - short term pain for long term gain

Oh no Polly! I would be utterly livid too! No wonder he was so reticent about using the “L” word! It really isn’t that complicated is it? What an utter cliche he is! You are far too intelligent and talented to put up with that kind of disregard from anyone!!! Men seem to feel that if they don’t get caught doing that kind of crap (or don’t actually have PIV sex) then they’re not cheating. The ability to justify behaviour that they would neither tolerate from their partner or respect in a friend is utterly kind-blowing. Bellend.

Sorry this is happening to you, Polly. Sadly I think that trying to stay friends may be harder than you think - and at what cost to you? 🌹

Sorry to hear that Polly, it's shit! I'd agree with PP, don't meet a friends, it'll make things harder.

Right now I never want to see him again.

God he is such a cliche and a twat. I worry that meeting him wouldn't be good for your emotional well-being. Sometimes it's best just to go cold turkey.

Oh Polly that really is a slap in the face.
What a deception.
Personally I would tell him that you don't want anything more to do with him & why. That the disrespect he has shown you & your children is unforgivable.
Benny Hill makes me shudder with revulsion

As you say, apart from the slap in the face to you, it's so blithely public. I do wonder whether these men realise that their actions are open to all to see. I once knew a retired copper as an acquaintance. He had an unusual name and idly one day I looked him up on twitter. He had 'liked' a really disturbing series of images of a woman who looked alarmingly pre-pubescent posing in very icky ways. I simply cannot believe he had any notion that others were aware he had done so.

Thoroughly depressing that Westley should have behaved in that way. I'd give him a wide berth. Why bother seeing him? To what end?