Tick tock: the one where Geller discovers Polly is no longer a doormat

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

AKA Co-parenting: I do not think it means what you think it means

Here we go again my lovelies! Will this be the one where I finally get divorced?!

Previous thread here

I have clock news! Turns out, no one wants it. Quelle surprise. Could I sell it? No, sez I, it’s worth ha’penny tuppence on a good day. Plus, no time.

Ha ha.

I suggested, because I am a kind hearted soul and because it’s already in a box and I don’t know which one that they keep the clock face and I get rid of the mechanism and the case. That appears to be a reasonable compromise. Pass me an axe.

The reason for the clock conversation? My brother phoned. My mother has given away my grandfather’s WW1 medals to a museum. WTF?! We’re going to try and get them back. She can’t see what she’s done wrong.

Solicitors on the other side for the house purchase are useless. Estate agent spoke to them today. They are awaiting proof of ID and funds on account?! WTF. I lost my shit a bit. I’d just come back from having a filling so I sounded three gins down, which I’m sure added to the effect.

Oh, and I haven’t stopped laughing for the last hour. A friend has found Geller’s profile on a dating app. It contains such gems as ‘addressing climate change one word at a time in my career as a professional’ and goes on to claim he ‘always has time’

Given me the best laugh I’ve had since my solicitor said she’d call me just to be sure that I wanted to file for absolute once the finance order is made…

Anyway, buckle up loves. It’ll be a ride, as ever…glad you could join me.

Hi @StuckInPollyannaMode , I was just thinking about you the other day regarding how long your post has been running , have I really been following you for 2 years ? You've been amazing all this time , kept your dignity and humour. You really are an inspiration and I can't wait to see the film version . Best love and hugs 🤗

Me too two years. Look how far you have come

Dying to hear about Geller’s reaction when/if he notices @StuckInPollyannaMode wearing the freedom ring! Can see him spluttering “Where’d you get the money for THAT?”

Long time lurker here, nearly for the full journey. It is odd to cheer on a stranger but watching your progress and finding yourself again has made me smile. I definitely think there is a book here somewhere, your writing style is fantastic!

Is it time for a Geller less thread title? I am useless with witticisms etc....but I think that along with your ring and champers you should celebrate you and your Dollies with a suitable title. Xx

Oh I would definitely say that prat has big moments of regret.

3 marriages behind him and these feelings will crystallise when everything is finalised and Polly can clearly enunciate Fxxk off whenever she feels like he is being annoying.

What a golden feeling that will be.
I actually think complete disinterest, shutting ANY conversation down, displaying absolutely No interest in conversing with him, would be far more pleasurable.
He has simply ceased to matter.

He may pick up a few naive women going forward who won't immediately be aghast at THREE divorces behind him, but such is his lack of awareness and insufferability, they would want to be really lacking, to stick around.

The dollies will grow to see him more clearly and live their own lives and I hope Polly will warn them not to be guilted by him to spend time with him, that they don't feel like doing.

I have no doubt a lonely existence awaits.
He isn't capable of sustaining a long term relationship.

Polly will go from strength to strength and never look better on it.

Geller will have undoubtedly convinced himself that his failed marriages were all THEIR fault.

I have a relative in just this situation, but thank God she's beginning to wake up. The man she's involved with has had 3 divorces, 1 broken long engagement, and one failed 'living together'. That's FIVE failed long term relationships. And a number of shorter term 'dating' relationships that 'didn't work out'. But yet, none of them were his fault. He didn't 'blacken' the names of the women (ie crazy, bitches, gold diggers, etc, etc) but he did manage get his point across that it was them that caused the relationships to fail. He, of course, was puzzled and bewildered at the failure. But viewing him from the 'outside', as it were, I can see that he's needy, controlling, and manipulative.

But BOY, is he good at it! When I first met him I thought he was a prince. But eventually you begin to see little cracks in the facade. As I mentioned above, she's now starting to question things herself.

So many of them out there @AcrossthePond55

It’s been a while since I popped on here @StuckInPollyannaMode but I’m glad to see you, the dollies and your new house are all in fine fettle. I’m about 6 months ahead of you in this ‘game’ although my EXH doesn’t score quite so high on the Geller-ometer.

(He has other ‘talents’ along the anger/ coercive lines)

I got the Decree Absolute on my birthday… I should buy myself a Freedom ring too. It’s a great idea.

KOKO. Enjoy Cornwall. 😎

Not in a good place. I’m not going to lie.

it’s like it’s all hitting me. I’m absolutely overwhelmed and can’t stop crying.

Cornwall didn’t help. Geller keeps eyeing me up. I just want to hibernate. I’m so tired of being strong. So fed up of adulting alone.

even the early days weren’t like this.

I’m exercising. And eating. But I’m going through the motions.

any advice?? Is this just one monumental emotional hangover?

Fucking Geller! What a vulture!!!

Polly I know you’re not going to be reeled back in. I imagine you were young and trés naive when you met him. (And he lied a lot about who he was and what happened with his previous exes). One thing an old fart like me can say is that heartbreak is fucking horrible, but it won’t bloody kill you. You know this. You will come out of this. Each time you go through it will be shorter, and each time you will emerge more resilient and with stronger, clearer boundaries. Sucks balls that there has to be other times. BUT, you will know to listen to your little voice telling you that you are anxious or questioning yourself or him. That won’t be good enough for you next time because you WILL trust the little alarm fairies (And us) and value YOU. You are totally worth it my darling. This is the chrysalis stage and you will emerge beautiful and victorious, I promise. You will be loved and adored, because… LOGIC!

Keeping going. These feelings will pass. Just breathe, keeping going and give yourself some grace for what a wonderful job you are doing.

You're feeling vulnerable because that other guy turned out to be a creep. It knocked you for 6. It will pass. 💐

You will get through. KOkO
This time of year doesbt help (personally, I find late October/November utterly depressing).

Not long now until the legalities are done and dusted. But it has been such a long battle for you, and emotionally exhausting.

It has taken me a year to really get over the absolute awfulness of divorce/financial order. I ended up on anti-depressants. A year on I am finally beginning to feel "normal". My ex is awful, he is a bully and a horrible person, but he has nothing on Geller.

I don't know what to advise apart from keep plodding on, it is shit but there will be an end to it xxx

Rally your RL friends around.

Gellar 🤮 tell them he's being a sleeze toward you.

Remember when you moved out the old FMH and he said ""I can't believe this won't be mine anymore" he probably did include you and the Dollies in that. You all ticked little boxes.

KOKO but slow yourself to grieve, you need to be kind to yourself.

Sorry to hear you're feeling crap @StuckInPollyannaMode, keep exercising and eating well to keep yourself physically healthy while your mental health recovers. You've done so well and kept everything together for so long, this is just a blip. Take care 💐

I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling crap, @StuckInPollyannaMode . I think part of it is that you have been so flat out with firefighting that you haven't had time to grieve the relationship you thought you had. Geller being a creep and Westley having feet of clay doesn't help.

You will get through this - keep it up with the self care, and maybe read back your previous threads to remind yourself just how far you've come. It's easy to feel low this time of year.

Dear @StuckInPollyannaMode I'm sorry you're going through such an emotionally difficult time. Please please keep going forwards - not just for your daughters but for your own self. I agree with the other PP's, including

You will get through this - keep it up with the self care, and maybe read back your previous threads to remind yourself just how far you've come. It's easy to feel low this time of year.

Sending you strength and best wishes for a calmer future. 🌹

I think blips like this are entirely to be expected, but that’s all it is - a blip.
You have come such a long way, been through so much and have successfully kept everything going. Remind yourself of this and all your achievements. Keep going through those motions and one morning you wake up and it won’t feel like shit any more, won’t feel like you are only going through the motions. It will feel real …. And good!

Remember that 'this too shall pass'. Life is all ups and downs and right now you're in a 'down'. It doesn't last forever, it just seems that way right now. But the sun will come up and break through those clouds. All you have to do is hang in there and KOKO.

As far as Geller 'eying you up', I think part of the problem is that there is still a little bit in you that believes that, because he did in the past, he still has some sort of power over you. Some vestige of fear that you'll simply fall in with his plans because you always did in the past to keep the peace. But you know his power is gone, completely and utterly gone.

Maybe it's time to 'tighten your boundaries' with him. Not because he can still influence you, but because it will make you feel better to do so. Look at things and see if you've allowed yourself to let your guard down a bit with him. If so, put those walls firmly back in place.

Hang in there!

@StuckInPollyannaMode give yourself a break, you have dealt with so much and still are. You must be frazzled! Proper exhausted! You've achieved so much and are still achieving. You are still dealing with stuff that would be hard going in ones but you have multiple things! Be kind to yourself and take a breather

Your feelings are absolutely real but this is a blip! It will pass.
Hang on to that sure knowledge.

Your task is to be very very kind to yourself once again.

Taking care of your body is an (impressive) step. 🏆

Taking care of your mental health is also a proirity. It is a practical matter. You have done it before - you do know how.

What do I know? Not much ...but as a fully-fledged amateur at life I suggest:

• cut contact with those who bring you further down. (Deal with them at a later date if you have to.)

-See those of good cheer and lean on them.

• If you also need anti-depressants for a while - that is fine too.

-Read/watch whatever is uplifting. (I don't know if you've noticed, but there are quite a few reasons to avoid the news at the moment :) ) -Imagine better times that will be ahead and better feelings you can enjoy. (It is like laughter - imagine it and it materialses.)

Souls can have dark nights even if you don't believe in them ... but day always comes :)

Feel it, let it come... let it out... breathe it in.. don't fight it. just know, you will be ok.
You will.

He's an entitled arse, boasting about his mini breaks, then drooling at the new You.
New hair, new qualifications, new mojo...
Leaving him has given you your new persona... he doesnt want to believe you dont want him back.
He can jog on, the creep.You are so much better than he will ever know without him, & its You who has created this diva !!!
Sod him & the horse he rode in on.