Tick tock: the one where Geller discovers Polly is no longer a doormat

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

AKA Co-parenting: I do not think it means what you think it means

Here we go again my lovelies! Will this be the one where I finally get divorced?!

Previous thread here

I have clock news! Turns out, no one wants it. Quelle surprise. Could I sell it? No, sez I, it’s worth ha’penny tuppence on a good day. Plus, no time.

Ha ha.

I suggested, because I am a kind hearted soul and because it’s already in a box and I don’t know which one that they keep the clock face and I get rid of the mechanism and the case. That appears to be a reasonable compromise. Pass me an axe.

The reason for the clock conversation? My brother phoned. My mother has given away my grandfather’s WW1 medals to a museum. WTF?! We’re going to try and get them back. She can’t see what she’s done wrong.

Solicitors on the other side for the house purchase are useless. Estate agent spoke to them today. They are awaiting proof of ID and funds on account?! WTF. I lost my shit a bit. I’d just come back from having a filling so I sounded three gins down, which I’m sure added to the effect.

Oh, and I haven’t stopped laughing for the last hour. A friend has found Geller’s profile on a dating app. It contains such gems as ‘addressing climate change one word at a time in my career as a professional’ and goes on to claim he ‘always has time’

Given me the best laugh I’ve had since my solicitor said she’d call me just to be sure that I wanted to file for absolute once the finance order is made…

Anyway, buckle up loves. It’ll be a ride, as ever…glad you could join me.

Not defending him at all, but many men seem to compartmentalize their sexual behaviors. So if you do decide to speak to him about this, expect him to be a bit surprised since he 'was just looking' and 'didn't actually do anything'. 🙄 Then he'll either get defensive or act all ignorant of the upset he's caused you. Oh and of course he'll bring up that you were 'snooping'. It's not snooping if it's in plain sight.

I think I'd probably just go with the old 'this is t working for me anymore' rather than get into a debate about it.

Well I managed 4 hours sleep. Curled up with the Dollies last night and watched Bake Off - it’s officially autumn now.

Honestly, this is worse than the break up. Rightly or wrongly I feel like I’ve been cheated on. And it’s so public.

She’s got 4.5k followers and an Amazon wish list on Instagram. A friend has said she’s probably on Only Fans too. Her TikTok (blimey, I’ve learned a lot in a short space of time) if full of pouting and cleavage shots.

Anyway, she isn’t the issue, it’s her choice to do what she wants. It’s his response I have an issue with. It’s totally inappropriate. That’s a hard line for me and we’ve talked about porn and the damage of overly sexualised imagery etc. I don’t care even if he says I think of her like a sister. My brother, if he saw me behaving like that, would tell me to cover myself up and stop making a fool out of myself.

I’m categorically not here weeping thinking I need to look like her or start doing this shit, just in case any of you were worried that it’s impacting my self esteem. It may sound arrogant but it’s not. I just feel sorry for her, her mental health is clearly on the floor.

Anyway, in a really horrid and nasty way, it gives me closure. So I can stop holding out hope for him to come back and say this has all been a massive mistake and he can’t live without me. He can face me like a man and deal with it in person - and take his stuff out of my house at the same time. He’s got several boxes of stuff here that he left when he went overseas.

Nothing horrid or nasty about that, it really does give you closure. Once you know he’s back, I’d be boxing his things up and giving him a time that you’ll leave them on the drive. I wouldn’t be seeing him face to face

Hold your head high, you’ve got this 💪 💐 onwards and upwards

Aw shit! It's a pity that he left boxes of stuff in your house.

I would have to agree with @TeapotCollection and send him a message saying that you and the Dollies will be out on X day (when you know he's due home) and you will leave his belongings for his collection on your driveway. He is not to contact you again as you need to move on with yours. There is no possibility of reconciliation and you need to make a clean break of things. You wish him the best for the future but that it is better to not see each other.

You've done brilliantly to get where you are now. You're a strong intependent woman and mother. You're doing a blinding job with your Dollies. They will be wonderful young women (as opposed to girls) in no time at all. Keep doing what you're doing!

So he is colder than he seemed and always keeping his options open.
The on-off behaviour makes more sense.
You do deserve better.

Sorry you are going through this now

I guess that you did have some good times with him ('a joy that flies' and one to be kissed but not held for long). He has been part of the healing process and self-understanding you have now. Anything that added to that is worth some pain.

It is a pity that he isn't more what he appeared.

He's let you down. You don't deserve that. And he doesn't deserve you.

Time for a clean break and to put the what ifs to behind you. It was fun while it lasted but we now know he's not man enough for you.

Be kind to yourself xx

@StuckInPollyannaMode I would take those boxes to a small storage unit and pay just for the minimum length of time until October. You often get some promotional deal for the first month. Then sent him a message that he needs to pay for the any further time storing them or pick the stuff up from there in October. You can put a lock on with a code rather than key, so do not need to see him at all again for any handover.

Polly you are and have been amazing through your break up and for your girls but on this one I think that you may be confusing your grief at the relationship drifting through distance with an infidelity. Westley, whom you put on a pedestal a bit) has either provided reassurance to a woman who judges her own worth on her sexual attractiveness, or 'upticked a page 3 girl wannabe'. Either way there is no evidence of any actual wrongdoing. Like the topless calendar in the mechanics' workshop, it's unseemly and a bit tasteless, but still very common. He's more old fashioned than you thought he was, and a bit of an arse. But most people are, on occasion.

Is this your subconscious telling you that LDR is never going to work and you need to irrevocably end it rather than just letting it drift?

@ODFOx does it matter? If her subconscious tells her it won’t work or her conscious tells her she’s so disappointed/had boundaries crossed/just a rather pathetic man - so it won’t work. All in all, @StuckInPollyannaMode really deserves better, and she’s smart enough to know it.

I think the fact that you’re even entertaining still seeing him ‘as a friend’ means you still have some work to do on your boundaries.

People whose secretive behaviour, when discovered, makes you feel betrayed and humiliated, aren’t friends.

I'm a really big fan of your threads but that last update is really offensive. People who post sexualising images of themselves online don't necessarily have self esteem issues or mental health that's on the floor. It's ignorant to say that. Be annoyed with your ex by all means but you don't need to be so judgemental.

Unless they're Britney?!

I’m really sorry if I’ve upset anyone, that wasn’t my intention at all.

Polly, here I am again. Freedom Programme. I am evangelical I know but I think you said your counsellor/therapist suggested it too?

No point in getting one man out of your head simply to have another one replace him imo! Concentrate on you. I would feel like you about W. Except you want to hear him out and be “ friends”. Why? He’s crossed a boundary (for you). I agree, store his stuff, arrange a pick up when you are not there and block. He’s not worth you spending any more time on. Neither is G. As I said FP!

You haven't upset me Polly and I hope you are ok.

I hope you are ok too Polly . You have been through a lot.

How are you and the Dollies this week, @Polly?

I’m here. Been feeling a bit bruised for various reasons. And I’m poorly again - this back to school cough / cold thing just won’t go. Shame as I’ve joined the local leisure centre and was much enjoying swimming and gymming - even tried my first spin class last week (liked it once I realised I wasn’t going to die)

I’m ok. I haven’t done anything about Westley and I won’t til I’m ready. Thanks for reminding me about the Freedom Program again, it’s on the list! Got asked out on a date twice last week, very flattering each time but no thanks

the Dollies are fine thank you, just DD1 taking some time to settle down into the new school year. Geller and I having interesting debates about secondary schools. The man is an idiot. Still no news on the divorce. Refuse to waste £25 emailing my solicitor to ask about progress.

October is all about saving money and retrenchment for me - it’s been an expensive month and I’ve some big DIY bits coming up. Laid my new bathroom floor at the weekend and I’ve got to have some boiler work done, what Joy.

Things that are making me happy:

. The Dollies
. My house
. Baked my first cake and did my first roast in this house at the weekend
. Started using the library again. I read three books last weekend!
. Looking at bulbs for my pots for the spring
. Finding a shoe storage solution which works
. Planning my DIY
. Borrowed a friend’s Karcher and now have clean windows!
. The coming of autumn. Love it. Candles on, fire lit, everything snuggly.

Glad to hear things are pootling along Polly, even if it's the same old with Gellar at least nothing dramatic has happened for a couple of weeks.
I envy you being able to plant bulbs. We back onto a park and so the b**tard squirrels always dig mine up! Haven't lit our fire yet.......oh good tip from another thread if you use a tumble drier, was to put the lint inside loo roll centres and use them as fire lighters!

I'm glad things are settling down for you even if you're feeling a bit bruised. I hear you about the back to school cough and am thinking it must apply to uni students too!

I'm waiting for DD2 to get back from field work in South Africa, the field work itself has been fine but we've had travel hell at both ends with last night's bird strike just making things worse - she's still stranded out there, flying back tonight.

I have the back to school cough - without going back to school :(

The asthma nurse suggested Beconase and it does seem to have helped, although it took a while. Might be worth a try? You can get it over the counter.

Good to hear you are koko! Good you are planning FP. The sooner you do it the better for you. What sort of coke did you make ( just being nosy).

I have many vices but drugs ain’t one of them!

Double chocolate. My grandmother’s recipe. Had to ration the Dollies (and myself!)

The antihistamine seems to have helped, and I’ve had three a medicinal Old Fashioned. Whilst watching Bake Off.

I’ve had a message from Geller tonight. He wants to give me a ‘heads up’ that he wants to book some social engagements in Q1 and Q2 next year, so to expect an email re dates.

Lucky me. I look forward to the Board report that will arrive.

Hope the South Africa return trip has happened @pointythings and that the hurricane hasn’t got in the way. Sounds like we’ll all be battening down the hatches.