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Original poster

Hired a Private Detective

200 replies

teddypicker · 26/02/2022 16:38

I just spent about 45 minutes composing a thread about my recent experience and it disappeared when I tried to post it Shock. Thought I'd ask if anyone would be interested in reading an EXTREMELY long post about my adventures before I wrote it all out again? (I do need advice as I'm all over the place about it).
BUT it was very long to avoid the dreaded drip feed.

So, thoughts?

OP posts:
BigupPemberleyMassive · 26/02/2022 20:22

I saw a statistic somewhere that when it is women hiring a private detective for relationship issues, 90% of the time their suspicious are justified.

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 26/02/2022 20:23

@teddypicker I got up, drove over and picked up all my things, tidied the place up and drove back home.

I want to know why you tidied up?! Misses point of thread but my usename indicates where I'm coming from GrinGrin

BloomingTrees · 26/02/2022 20:30

What I don't understand is why he booked an airbnb for you both then left, and as you suspected he didn't come back in the morning ?
Have you found out anything more on him ?

knittingaddict · 26/02/2022 20:35

@IsThisIt2021

OP I’m not sure they’d sell the family home and then he’d live there with the lady who is currently there. That seems very unlikely. More likely his phone is still registered at that address. Which judging by some of these replies isn’t that unusual. So basically you’ve paid for a PI that hasn’t really been useful
I have to say that if op is trying to encourage the use of a PD I'm not convinced.
knittingaddict · 26/02/2022 20:36

This is an odd little thread.

Hawkins001 · 26/02/2022 20:37

@Bentoforthehorde

My DH is a tradesman, I don't know of any tradesmen that behave like James bond. Do you not know his company name if he's self employed? When he was vague about the house why not just say, "OK but what street/ house number? Why are you being weird about telling me your address?"
I pre sume some will have to have an official cover for operating in the field, e.g. covert affairs, art museum, Sidney bristo, credit daphine, ect,

Of course I could be mistaken.

Cissyandflora · 26/02/2022 20:38

@Isaidnomorecrisps

Just be careful, OP - I believe you. If he’s told that many lies - it’s good he’s gone from your life. I dated online for a while and one bloke lied about his job, his family, the entire thing was a fabrication. When I googled him properly, finally, he’d almost beaten his ex wife to death and was then masquerading on dating sites as a lawyer (he was nothing like that). Anyway - I feel for you and am sorry but well done for all of this.
Gosh that’s a scary story. I’m glad you’re ok.
usinon · 26/02/2022 20:39

It sounds to me like you had decided you wanted out but you wanted some concrete info to back up your decision to help you get closure quickly.

Which I think is actually quite sensible!

When you say tradie, you mean trader or tradesman? I am guessing latter as a trader will have a presence online. If tradesman you mean sole trader? As otherwise he'd have a presence online?

usinon · 26/02/2022 20:41

[quote nannyhelp]@teddypicker how much did it cost[/quote]
good question!

Faaather · 26/02/2022 20:43

why would a successful professional woman with no young children (her age) choose to live in a massive 4 bedroom house?

I don’t get your reasoning here at all. My husband and I (both professionals, so fit the profile you’re talking about) don’t have children and we live in a 7-bedroom house.

There are families of 6 living in two-bed flats.

I don’t understand how the size of someone’s house equates to their fidelity?

BluebellsGreenbells · 26/02/2022 20:47

Well when you have suspicions you tend to question everything!

But if you have to hire a detective it’s only going to go one way! You still actually know nothing! He must have another name.

Get a friend to knock?

WouldIwasShookspeared · 26/02/2022 20:48

What matters is you weren't happy and he was evasive. Blocking him and moving on is absolutely the right decision

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 26/02/2022 20:51

The problem is with PD's is there will be no one complaning to consumer watchdogs as people are embarrased by using them.

I know people who use them but more so within a buisness capacity.

@Onthedunes

Not sure I ageee.

I have used a private investigator in a personal capacity . Very impressed - and if there were issues, I would have had no hesitation referring to their regulatory body

EmmaH2022 · 26/02/2022 20:51

I am puzzled by a lot of this
But I am also wondering if you are based in North London. I had a friend who was involved with this sort of guy...also a trade...has conned a few women, we found out. Can't recall if wife or girlfriend was in local government but one was...and earning great money and living in a nice house.

Things that puzzle me - why wouldn't a woman earning that live in a big house?!

The PD saying they couldn't find him on the electoral roll...they can only check that online, surely?

anotherbloodyyearofcovid · 26/02/2022 20:52

@girlmom21

But why would you instantly hire a private detective to follow someone you have dated for a year? That's batshit.
Because you want to find out quickly whether anything they've told you is true 😕
Hollywolly1 · 26/02/2022 21:01

A lot of people do tidy up airbnbs before they leave

Pegasushaswings · 26/02/2022 21:04

So, was the cottage actually an Air bnb? Why spend all that money booking it for you to sleep and him to work then for him to dash off? I’d be checking out that address again, maybe he was meant to be working ON it rather than in it and it isn’t an Air bnb at all.

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 26/02/2022 21:06

@Hollywolly1

A lot of people do tidy up airbnbs before they leave
I do too, when I've booked them - but this is a bit different, OP was abandoned by the person who booked the Airbnb, so absolutely not her responsibility to do anything about it, let him worry about the deposit. In this case I would have collected my things and then left.
Flickflak · 26/02/2022 21:31

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 26/02/2022 21:34

Um...

Why are you wasting your time, energy and money on this ratbag?

You don't trust him.

So no point in the relationship.

You don't believe him.

There is no point in this relationship!

nitsandwormsdodger · 26/02/2022 21:43

I would have knocked on the door at least
I would have gone with him to his job emergency help make tea
I would have asked him for his specific address

EmmaH2022 · 26/02/2022 21:46

@Flickflak

This thread is all kinds of strange, and the PD sounds useless. Surely a “tradie” can be tracked through his business. Do you even know the name of his business, or his employer? I don’t get why you didn’t just dump him.
The reason I wondered if it's the same man is that, although he said he was a tradie, he did very little work, all by word of mouth.

He used to get money from his family, we think now. He had a few well off women on the go at the same time. I think he targeted women working long hours so he didn't have to pay for too many nights out.

When my friend initially uncovered the whole sorry tale, he turned out to have very little money but he's now actually moved in with a lady who has bought him a car etc and he doesn't work at all now.

whynotwhatknot · 26/02/2022 21:52

if he bought out s ex then its still his house

or have i missed somehting

Lurking9to5 · 26/02/2022 22:16

I hope you get the answers you deserve OP.

He sounds like a chancer, taking you away on a weekend but still going home (?) to sleep for a few hours so as not to alert a long term gf. The deviousness of it.

I don't blamed you for just needing to know. You've blocked him but you deserve to know .

Cissyandflora · 26/02/2022 22:23

I feel like some of us might be able to do even better than your pd. give us more info pls!