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Original poster

Hired a Private Detective

200 replies

teddypicker · 26/02/2022 16:38

I just spent about 45 minutes composing a thread about my recent experience and it disappeared when I tried to post it Shock. Thought I'd ask if anyone would be interested in reading an EXTREMELY long post about my adventures before I wrote it all out again? (I do need advice as I'm all over the place about it).
BUT it was very long to avoid the dreaded drip feed.

So, thoughts?

OP posts:
OppsUpsSide · 26/02/2022 19:11

What his Facebook is, is private after 2019. Which means unless you are his "friend" you can't see any of his posts as he's changed his settings (in 2019) from public (which is why you can see everything up to that point) to private (which is why you can't from that point). Consider what prompted that.

Eh?? My FB page is private but not so I can run around cheating on people

Bentoforthehorde · 26/02/2022 19:12

My DH is a tradesman, I don't know of any tradesmen that behave like James bond. Do you not know his company name if he's self employed? When he was vague about the house why not just say, "OK but what street/ house number? Why are you being weird about telling me your address?"

perimenofertility · 26/02/2022 19:14

Why haven’t you confronted him?
This all seems like an overreaction. He’s split up with his ex, hasn’t got himself into the electoral register or updated his bills since he moved. He might well be hiding something or he might just be cautious of giving too much away after his last split? It seems suspicious, but wouldn’t it have been better to confront him rather than block him and never know exactly what’s gone on.

Original poster
teddypicker · 26/02/2022 19:16

@Walkingalot

It's highly unlikely that he's now in a relationship with the person who bought their marital home. What are the chances of that! My ex of 4/5 yrs is still registered here (for many things) but not on the electoral roll. I'm not on the open list so can't be traced. I don't think anything the PD has told you is very revealing.

Trust your gut on this one. Keep him blocked and don't think about it anymore. You'll probably never know the truth anyway.

Yes it does seem highly unlikely. He told me he had to buy out his ex wife, so it was sort of possible to me that he met someone after his divorce, needed to buy out his ex, him and the new woman pooled resources to buy the house (which he really liked and had done a lot of work on) and was near family and friends. Everybody could have been happy with that?
OP posts:
lucylucyapplejuicy · 26/02/2022 19:17

Yes please

Regularsizedrudy · 26/02/2022 19:19

…all you found out was that his phone is still registered to his old house. Surely the woman who lives there now is irrelevant

FirstTimeSecondTime · 26/02/2022 19:22

I’m disappointed that the pi didn’t find more

nettie434 · 26/02/2022 19:22

I think you did the right thing teddypicker. I got involved with a very plausible liar and had a long conversation with a friend who wanted me to hire a private detective. She even even offered to pay for them!

I decided no because I felt I could not add losing money to the loss of self esteem and worthlessness that existed already. I actually caught him out with his porky pies so that was that but reading your post I'd rather an old fashioned file containing something like 'Case proved - lying toerag'.

I admire the way you've acted so decisively after getting the information. I'm sorry it's had to end this way but better than carrying on trying to ignore the warning signs.

Escargooooooo · 26/02/2022 19:22

Right, so his story is, that he has bought the house. You are being a real pain in the ass with drip feeds. So whilst you didn't know it's exact location, he was apparently living in the ex marital home that he'd bought his ex-wife out of...after 8 years of her living there. Would this coincide with children turning 18? Otherwise, that doesn't really stack up.

And now there's an apparently unconnected woman living in that house.

One of two things. He didn't buy out the ex, he lives with his partner elsewhere, most likely since 2019.

He did buy out the ex, and he lives in that house, as he claims, with his partner.

Hawkins001 · 26/02/2022 19:23

@teddypicker

I just spent about 45 minutes composing a thread about my recent experience and it disappeared when I tried to post it Shock. Thought I'd ask if anyone would be interested in reading an EXTREMELY long post about my adventures before I wrote it all out again? (I do need advice as I'm all over the place about it). BUT it was very long to avoid the dreaded drip feed.

So, thoughts?

Just read your posts, very much appreciated, and I know I've used this line of reasoning on a couple of threads, but could be be , civil service, or intelligence operative, of one or another agency ect ? Yes I know theirs the option of double life, married ect. But we don't have intelligence agencies so they can just look the part so to speak, and they would presumably for some, try to have some sort of normality,
Original poster
teddypicker · 26/02/2022 19:24

Setting off for night shifts again. Might get to read but won't get to post I don't think. Seems most posters think I'm batshit anyway, so I'll probably leave it here.

Thanks to anyone who even vaguely understood my predicament x

OP posts:
ratsratsratsagain · 26/02/2022 19:25

I can understand where the OP is coming from on this. I was married for 13 years to someone who acted like the op's ex in some ways. It was always an emergency at work and I was convinced he had another woman on the side. He was a master manipulator and gas lighter and so although I did snoop once and find some worrying emails he deleted them and told me id imagined it!
I never found out what he was up to exactly and sometimes it still bothers me a bit that I was tricked for so long. (We had 3 children together so I was not wanting to leave him without evidence of some kind)
I did leave him eventually and he's still very weird about being accountable for his absences. The children are older now and have twigged he's a liar and he is always being evasive about his whereabouts.
I think you don't want to believe it can be true but finding some kind of evidence can make you feel better in a weird way.

Meadowbreeze · 26/02/2022 19:29

I don't think you're weird. My friend did this to prove her husband was cheating. They were separated and living separately. He was living with the woman he cheated with but was claiming it was his cousin and during divorce proceedings he was claiming that he never cheated and this was all my friends fault. Cited differences etc. The private detective was brilliant and even got pics of them kissing.

Lysianthus · 26/02/2022 19:29

I get it OP. But I'd have done Clare's law request, saved some £.

PandemicAtTheDisco · 26/02/2022 19:37

A male friend has had two of his mates claim to be living at his house. They have stayed there a few times after their partners kicked them out (for cheating) and have had spare keys when he's been away for work and holidays but they have never lived there. My friend has had several women turn up in the belief they are visiting their boyfriend's house. They never seem to suspect anything is wrong despite not knowing basic details about who they are dating.

I would be suspicious if I didn't get introduced to a man's family and friends after a few months into the relationship.

teddypicker · 26/02/2022 19:38

This reply has been deleted

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Cissyandflora · 26/02/2022 19:43

How much did the PD cost? Did they exhaust all leads? How many hours of work?
What does tradie do exactly and have you told him you think he’s suspicious?

Neenawneenaw76 · 26/02/2022 19:56

If you've been with someone over a year and don't know where they live there's something going don't know about x

EthelTheAardvark · 26/02/2022 20:05

Off the point, but in your shoes I think I'd have stayed at the Air BnB. No reason why at least one of you shouldn't get his money's worth out of it.

Isaidnomorecrisps · 26/02/2022 20:08

Just be careful, OP - I believe you. If he’s told that many lies - it’s good he’s gone from your life. I dated online for a while and one bloke lied about his job, his family, the entire thing was a fabrication. When I googled him properly, finally, he’d almost beaten his ex wife to death and was then masquerading on dating sites as a lawyer (he was nothing like that).
Anyway - I feel for you and am sorry but well done for all of this.

Lovemusic33 · 26/02/2022 20:10

Some people have more sense than money 😬

Why do you need to know? Just dump him and move on.

Lovemusic33 · 26/02/2022 20:11

More money then sense (I must lay off the wine)

Fairislefandango · 26/02/2022 20:11

I'm not going to rudely question your sanity, but I am baffled at why you didn't just dump him rather than hirea private detective. If you'd been with him for decades or were married, then I could understand it more. But you've been with him a year - just cut your losses!

SirVixofVixHall · 26/02/2022 20:12

How old is the new woman ?
Agree he has probably not updated his phone details and it is still registered to his married address.

nannyhelp · 26/02/2022 20:21

@teddypicker how much did it cost

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