Hired a Private Detective

[teddypicker]

I just spent about 45 minutes composing a thread about my recent experience and it disappeared when I tried to post it . Thought I'd ask if anyone would be interested in reading an EXTREMELY long post about my adventures before I wrote it all out again? (I do need advice as I'm all over the place about it).
BUT it was very long to avoid the dreaded drip feed.

So, thoughts?

Just ask him his bloody address?? Tell him you've just realised you've never been to his place for a year now, and you'd like to see it!

When he gives you a bullshit excuse, dump him there and then.

None of this makes sense, doesn’t sound like he lives there anymore. Is he self employed? Where is his business registered?

Op - I’m sure the PD could find out more than re his phone being registered to his former address (though that is weird), no?
I mean there’s his business/job etc as leads..
But I think either way he does seem unreliable at best and playing you at worst

This is a weird thread. "I hired a Private Detective!! He didn't tell me anything".

@IsThisIt2021

OP I’m not sure they’d sell the family home and then he’d live there with the lady who is currently there. That seems very unlikely. More likely his phone is still registered at that address. Which judging by some of these replies isn’t that unusual. So basically you’ve paid for a PI that hasn’t really been useful

Yes, that's what I'm thinking too. That's why I'm so confused. I can understand now that a phone being registered to an address doesn't mean that the person lives there. But I don't understand how someone can not be registered on any official lists etc, especially if they own a house.

@Canyouhearmehello

Prescriptionwine Yes OP do this you can do it now it takes minutes then come back to us. Sorry I am also nosey. Sorry OP he has treated you like rubbish you did the right thing blocking him

I might try that, although I don't really want to throw more money away on him. I think I know the answers unfortunately.

You have absolutely no concrete evidence of anything.

His phone still registered at his old address, why do you think the next buyer of the home has housed him.
Seems improbable.

I don't mind people hiring PD's, it's a buisness and they need to survive but I would be interested in how much you paid and the fact you have recieved very lttle information for your buck.

The problem is with PD's is there will be no one complaning to consumer watchdogs as people are embarrased by using them.

I know people who use them but more so within a buisness capacity.

Out of curiosity, how much money are we talking for the services of a PD?

@Escargooooooo

He was active until 2019? You mean he's got a current FB but changed it to completely private in 2019.

Are you even friends on FB?

I'm not on FB myself but ashamed to say I created a fake account to do some stalking and found him. Not active after late 2019, but status as single. Looks like people don't really use Facebook so much now. And the professional lady isn't on any SM.

You can look up when the house was last sold. Then it would be more obvious if he'd continued ownership (unless it is rented out).
If he's in a trade where is the business registered? Is he self employed?

I don't understand - what does he say when you ask where he lives and why you haven't been there?? If someone wouldn't tell me where they lived I wouldn't get a PD I'd just end the relationship. I relationship that's only 12 months and only really just got going in the last couple of months isn't worth wasting my time or money on.

I’d have done the same, OP. I once hired a PD because we were buying a flat with a supposedly absentee freeholder, which was causing problems with the mortgage.

The Fholder was thought to have returned to his own country but was actually living only about 3 miles away - under another name, because of debts attached to the FH.

They took less than a week to find him- I was v impressed. I did ask how they could be sure it was him (it def was) - ‘We have our methods.’

It's highly unlikely that he's now in a relationship with the person who bought their marital home. What are the chances of that!
My ex of 4/5 yrs is still registered here (for many things) but not on the electoral roll. I'm not on the open list so can't be traced.
I don't think anything the PD has told you is very revealing.

Trust your gut on this one. Keep him blocked and don't think about it anymore. You'll probably never know the truth anyway.

@MrsTerryPratchett

The problem with this is either he's guilty, in which case dump and block, or he isn't, in which case you've done something so terrible he wouldn't want to date you if he knew. Which means you either tell him and get dumped, or you don't, in which case you're the liar who is having a deceitful relationship.

TL:DR; you've wasted your money.

I've already blocked and deleted him as I realised I couldn't continue the relationship in a state of not knowing one way or another. He wasn't being forthcoming which I took as another red flag, the weird behaviour with the cottage thing kind of confirmed my suspicions although not 100%. Ive finished it because I wasn't prepared to take the chance that he was a lying cheat. If he wasn't he would surely have let me know,clearly and unequivocally- but that didn't happen. I've got nothing apologise for, in my opinion.

@Febrier

This is a weird thread. "I hired a Private Detective!! He didn't tell me anything".

No, he did tell me a few things I didn't know.

Ok, so his Facebook isn't "not active" since 2019. If he's a tradesman, he'll most likely get business via SM recommendations.

What his Facebook is, is private after 2019. Which means unless you are his "friend" you can't see any of his posts as he's changed his settings (in 2019) from public (which is why you can see everything up to that point) to private (which is why you can't from that point). Consider what prompted that.

He's got his other woman on there, "hidden" from people like you, so he can lead a double life. I doubt you are the first he's cheated with, as he was hiding his activity a year before he met you. You won't be the last either.

I did once years ago. It confirmed what I thought - like this case it was someone who what they said did not match up with what they did - although I was only about 3 or 4 weeks in . I also did what should have been done here - spent £3 online with the land registry buying the deeds to one address -you can do it online in about 2 minutes. I also found his marriage cert details and also an earlier married too! The detective went to the flat where I thought he lived (rather than the huge house - never given me the address for that where he supposedly lived - as I only went to his work address -) and confirmed he lived there with a wife and small child. It was one of the best £100 I have ever spent.

If you don't trust your boyfriend of a year you dump them. You don't hire a private detective.

I completely agree.

OP it’s not normal to do this especially after such a short amount of time.
In the kindest way I think you need some therapy as this is extremely worrying.

The thought of a man hiring a private detective on me makes me feel physically sick.

If someone’s not acting right you call them out in it and if they don’t change their ways then you end the relationship.

This is awfully strange and quite frankly if you don’t trust him you shouldn’t be together, how go to all this trouble

Ive finished it because I wasn't prepared to take the chance that he was a lying cheat.

So you wasted your money as well.

Definitely put this up to experience.
If your guys telling you something then listen to it for free instead of wasting money.

Genuine question - what would have happened if the PD found nothing and he was where he said he was and there was no ex wife or anything?

The thought of a man hiring a private detective on me makes me feel physically sick.

This.

What happened next?!???

Yeah tell me more

Have you planned who is going to be in the film?