Page 8 | Hired a Private Detective

teddypicker · 2022-02-26T16:38:21+00:00

I just spent about 45 minutes composing a thread about my recent experience and it disappeared when I tried to post it [shock]. Thought I'd ask if anyone would be interested in reading an EXTREMELY long post about my adventures before I wrote it all out again? (I do need advice as I'm all over the place about it). BUT it was very long to avoid the dreaded drip feed. So, thoughts?

NorthSouthcatlady · 27/02/2022 01:21

Good for you. I can see why you had suspicions. To be fair l would have ended things after he abandoned you at the cottage. What kind of gift is that if he’s AWOL for most of it?!

BOOTS52 · 27/02/2022 01:29

Well done to you for blocking and deleting all contact with him. What kind of a man invites you away and then has to leave, you did the right thing by leaving yourself and collecting your things. That said it all really and blocking also. I worked for a detective agency in London 20 years ago and anyone who hired a detective if they suspected their partner was cheating, well they usually were. Also detectives have their means of finding out information and contacts that we would not have. Don't let him live in your head for free as you are well rid of him as he did not treat you the way you deserve. What happens if you bump into him in the street etc..That would be in interesting conversation. Mind yourself and take time out for just you as being single is not so bad at all, less grief and stress.

Mamanyt · 27/02/2022 02:45

My only question is...IF the PD had said, "No, he's definitely single, and doesn't appear to be seeing anyone but you," would you have even considered taking him back, given all of the red flags? They mean SOMETHING, even if it isn't "not single." They mean he is hiding his life from you for some damn reason. PD or no PD, you're better off without a lying man, even if it is lies of omission.

Bilboard · 27/02/2022 03:36

I don't think you are being too suspicious OP. It looks odd, after a year, in my books, people get to know a bit more about each other, by meeting friends, family, coworkers, hanging out at each others places, maybe cooking sthg/ getting a take out from his home, watching a movie ... or something from the above.
The fact he's being secretive doesn't look good, sorry.

1forAll74 · 27/02/2022 04:37

I would just knock this whole thing on the head,, non of it is worth bothering with. I can't believe anyone would wan't to try and track someone down like this, knowing that he seems dodgy anyway.,

butterpuffed · 27/02/2022 07:58

Leave him to it...presumably he left the keys with you as he was supposed to be returning the following morning, so he won't be able to pick up his stuff !

LetHimHaveIt · 27/02/2022 08:17

'I would have gone with him to his job emergency help make tea'

Er - what? I needed an emergency plumber a few months ago. If he'd turned up with his Stanley Fatmax bag and said 'I've brought my missus in case you couldn't remember how to boil a kettle . . . ' I'd shut the door in his face and get back on Check-A-Trade.

Needdoughnuts · 27/02/2022 09:18

So when he left the cottage did he take all his clothes etc with him? As in, he had no intention of returning? I feel I need to know the details. And another one here wanting to know the cost of the PI!

Journeynotdestination · 27/02/2022 09:20

@Needdoughnuts

So when he left the cottage did he take all his clothes etc with him? As in, he had no intention of returning? I feel I need to know the details. And another one here wanting to know the cost of the PI!

Come back OP and explain the weird details! If it’s real I hope you are ok. He sounds like a tool.

Whydoesthecatalwaysdothat · 27/02/2022 09:40

So he didn't buy you a Christmas present, you've never been to his house and he ended up having to work the majority of your three day break?

The private detective tells you his phone is registered to an address he previously lived at and a woman lives there?

Is that it?

You didn't need a private detective to tell you he's a lying cheat.

IrishKatie1971 · 27/02/2022 16:39

[quote kittensinthekitchen]www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a4277142-kindest-way-to-end-this?msgid=108414800[/quote]
How bizarre. Same teddypicker or a different one with a capital T? The plot is truly thickening. Beginning to wonder if some of the stories on this board are made up to pad it out a bit...

Needdoughnuts · 27/02/2022 16:57

Well the previous relationship was over by the sound of it in the linked thread. There's a bit of an overlap but I wouldn't have though there was anything for people to get excited over.

Original poster

teddypicker · 27/02/2022 21:33

The other Teddypicker wasn't my thread. We're just probably both Arctic Monkey fans
To answer some questions the PD cost me 200, I realise this is a lot of money but I thought it was worth it at the time. I was very pissed off and didn't know how to deal with my suspicions and emotions. I also didn't know about 192 and land registry and all the other routes you could go down.

Maybe I did the wrong thing I don't know. I just wanted an answer either way. The PD has txted me today (yes weird on a Sunday) to say he's not comfortable with it and 'something is off'. He's going to contact me in the week (I hope).

Can't remember the poster sorry, but no, the professional lady is not a prostitute - she seems to be a lovely person involved in a local council. I can't picture them together, but you don't know people until you live with them as the saying goes.

Thanks for all your replies, I'll post updates if any (don't think there will be, I think and hope it's over now) don't need the drama.

OP posts:

Original poster

teddypicker · 27/02/2022 21:44

@LetHimHaveIt

'I would have gone with him to his job emergency help make tea'

Er - what? I needed an emergency plumber a few months ago. If he'd turned up with his Stanley Fatmax bag and said 'I've brought my missus in case you couldn't remember how to boil a kettle . . . ' I'd shut the door in his face and get back on Check-A-Trade.

Love this

OP posts:

Original poster

teddypicker · 27/02/2022 21:53

@Whydoesthecatalwaysdothat

So he didn't buy you a Christmas present, you've never been to his house and he ended up having to work the majority of your three day break?

The private detective tells you his phone is registered to an address he previously lived at and a woman lives there?

Is that it?

You didn't need a private detective to tell you he's a lying cheat.

Yes agree, it's easy to see things from the outside. But when you're involved with someone and falling in love them it's different. I wanted to believe, so i believed. And to realise you've had the piss taken out of you is a difficult and embarrassing place to be. The Christmas present not appearing was probably the last straw for me as it was 'promised' and I was brought up to believe you never break a promise. (Naive yes I know)

OP posts:

RedFlagsAllOver · 27/02/2022 23:13

Hmm op my phone was still connected to my old address from 5 years ago. I just got round to changing it.
I get your fears though. I have been chatting with a guy for way to long now. He has no Facebook apparently just twitter and has never given me his address but knows mine. I suspect he's not telling me the whole truth.

user1471504747 · 27/02/2022 23:47

You’ve not just hired a detective you’ve wasted £200 on one. I hope that was money you had to lose.

I don’t think anything the PD has told you gives any confirmation he’s in a relationship already. But any relationship where you feel you need to hire a PD in the first place is already dead.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 28/02/2022 13:18

Interesting about the Crimbo pressie. Many moons ago, my old landlady got involved with a dodgy as f&ck bloke. At Crimbo, he appeared with a lovely fur coat for her (acceptable in the late 70's). She was truly thrilled. He decided she may have suited the other colour better, so took it to change it.... Guess what, the coat was never seen again. Sorry, just an only vaguely related memory that came up when I was pondering this

NigellaAwesome · 28/02/2022 17:13

I was once given a Christmas present by a beau of a greyhound clock made out of crafting foam. It was hideous. I have no affinity to dogs, let alone greyhounds.

I was gutted as I was really into the guy, and it looked like something he had picked up at a charity shop as an afterthought. I knew then that he just wasn't that into me, and it ended very painfully a few weeks after that.

I think those telling the OP that she has wasted her money are being a bit harsh, although I agree that if you are at the stage of hiring a private investigator, that in itself tells you the answer you need to know.

CognitiveDissolver · 28/02/2022 19:55

OP, I turned into my own private detective (with the help of a good friend) when my ex dumped my out of the blue and behaved very strangely. I don't think your PD has done all that a good job, but I support your use of one and in general I think its best to do due diligence on any man you get involved with, in whatever legal way you can.

Are the marriage registers in England and Wales public? I found out my ex was married on the public register of marriages in Scotland.

It was actually really difficult to even find out that the reason I had been dumped was because he was getting married. I had no idea; it was a ldr and I thought a committed 2 year relationship, I had just found a job in the city he lived. I had confided in a friend who knew my ex through a mutual hobby and she was friends on Facebook with another woman who also did the hobby. That other woman posted photos of his wedding, along with the first name of his new wife.

Because his bride had an unusual, foreign first name, we tried to find her on FB. It turned out that she has no social media presence whatsoever (I actually suspect he has married someone without social media deliberately). So we became even more intrigued. It was only a matter of waiting for the public register of marriages to be published and there was his wedding listed. We think his new wife didn't have an internet presence because she was pre-FB generation; he is 41 and she is nearly 60...

Nothing surprises me now about the lies men will tell in order to get sex or lead a double life. I actually knew my ex through a completely different hobby and I had no idea that he had a secret life going on. I also found out that he had cheated with me with another woman I vaguely knew in the run up to his wedding, and with a former good friend a few years earlier when we had gone out for a few months, who had then dropped me.

I'm sure theres lots more still that I don't know, but my point is that you shouldn't feel ashamed or embarrassed that you sought out the truth about this man. Its the person leading the double life who should be ashamed, and it is a really good idea to find out who someone really is.

CognitiveDissolver · 28/02/2022 19:58

Oh, and his FB profile is very secure and hasn't changed to reflect his martial status, and very few friends know he is married. He is actually doing his utmost to keep it secret, and if the mutual friend hadn't told me, I would have just assumed he is still single when he did the inevitable crawling back with some lame excuse.

(he did actually text me what turned out to be a few weeks before his wedding, apologising for "not being able to see me at this time" but I told him to do one).

ChickenStripper · 28/02/2022 21:06

@teddypicker

The other Teddypicker wasn't my thread. We're just probably both Arctic Monkey fans

To answer some questions the PD cost me 200, I realise this is a lot of money but I thought it was worth it at the time. I was very pissed off and didn't know how to deal with my suspicions and emotions. I also didn't know about 192 and land registry and all the other routes you could go down.

Maybe I did the wrong thing I don't know. I just wanted an answer either way. The PD has txted me today (yes weird on a Sunday) to say he's not comfortable with it and 'something is off'. He's going to contact me in the week (I hope).

Can't remember the poster sorry, but no, the professional lady is not a prostitute - she seems to be a lovely person involved in a local council. I can't picture them together, but you don't know people until you live with them as the saying goes.

Thanks for all your replies, I'll post updates if any (don't think there will be, I think and hope it's over now) don't need the drama.

192 only gives you certain info. It certainly does not give you access to electoral rolls in recent years since they changed to open and closed register. A PI will have access to this as you know. I don't blame you as I would use one too if I felt necessary and I a a pretty good stalker .😂

pixelatedlunchbox · 28/02/2022 21:53

Testing to see if uppercase makes a new username

PixelatedLunchbox · 28/02/2022 21:54

Nope!

BornBlonde · 02/03/2022 00:20

The detective sounds poor. Surely they could have tracked him/checked where his car is registered to