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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My ex is an "Every other weekend dad"

215 replies

CM82 · 25/02/2022 10:10

My ex, who left about 6 years ago, used to take our two around four/five times a week, pay me £500 a month, bought me a car, let me keep the family allowance and even when I had my new boyfriend move in a few months after he left, he was OK with it until 3 years ago when the company he owned went into liquidation. He also started seeing a girl around this time. I noticed he was more stressed than ever, had to downsize his car and move into a smaller flat. Now he works full time and lives with his girlfriend. He only takes our two every other weekend and thinks £300 is enough in child support. He told me that with bills and back debt after his company went burst, he is struggling a lot. I think its his girlfriend - but our children adore her so what can I do? She works from home and when I've asked him if she can take the children after school a few times a week (he works long hours), he told me it is not her responsibility to watch our children. I work 3 days a week but I need some time to myself aswell.

He also gave the children mobile phones at Christmas (even though I said no because I think they are too young) so they can contact him anytime. I always let them call or text their dad on my phone.

Has anyone got any advice on what to do about this?

OP posts:

Purplepenny69 · 25/02/2022 10:13

this is hoing to hurt..

RedToothBrush · 25/02/2022 10:15

She works from home and when I've asked him if she can take the children after school a few times a week (he works long hours), he told me it is not her responsibility to watch our children.

Well its not her responsibility. You should be asking him to do it regardless of his hours.

FairyCakeWings · 25/02/2022 10:15

Do about what exactly?

Nothing you have described is a real problem.

3peassuit · 25/02/2022 10:16

It’s really not his girlfriend’s responsibility to look after his children. Have you used the cms calculator to check the amount he should pay?

UghFletcher · 25/02/2022 10:16

Put your hard hat on OP 😬

Fuuuuuckit · 25/02/2022 10:18

Is he self employed? Check the CMS calculator if not, to see if he's contributing the right amount.

It is NOT his gf's responsibility to look after your kids on either your time or his.

TuscanApothecary · 25/02/2022 10:18

Wow - you are so unreasonable, is this a real post OP?

sunlovingcriminal · 25/02/2022 10:18

Work out what he owes you on child maintenance using the tool on gov.uk. This will calculate what he gives you dependent on the number of nights he has the kids.

And no, the girlfriend isn't expected to have your children.

If he hasn't got extra money to give you, then he hasn't got the money to give you. He is only required to give you the prescribed maintenance.

If you were married and not yet divorced you could consult a solicitor to see if you're entitled to more. But I doubt it given that he has already downsized, and bought you a car.

Original poster

CM82 · 25/02/2022 10:18

He doesn't get home from work until 7pm so can't collect them from school.

OP posts:

DoubleChinWoes2 · 25/02/2022 10:19

I'm calling reverse - you're the girlfriend, yeah?

Wnikat · 25/02/2022 10:20

I called reverse

SGChome20 · 25/02/2022 10:20

What is it that you are looking for?

RatherBeRiding · 25/02/2022 10:21

Do you still live with your boyfriend? I'd say looking after your children is as much his responsibility as your ex's girlfriend - i.e., not at all.

If you don't think you are receiving enough child maintenance then use the CMS calculator.

If your ex doesn't want to see the children any more than he does, not sure what you can do about that!

WouldIwasShookspeared · 25/02/2022 10:21

Is this a reverse?

His girlfriend is not responsible for taking care of your children. You need to forget about that. She's not his childcare and she certainly isn't yours.

Make a claim via CMS or whatever it's called these days and they'll decide what your children are entitled to based on his current income.

You are presenting as so 'entitled' that I really think you're the girlfriend actively trying to present the ex in as bad a light as possible in order to get people saying how revolting she is.

MoiraNotRuby · 25/02/2022 10:22

I assume you are actually the girlfriend?

Original poster

CM82 · 25/02/2022 10:23

I just checked the child maintenance online. I shows he only needs to pay me £277 which is a joke! I have the children nearly all the time.

OP posts:

GeraldinesVicarage · 25/02/2022 10:23

She works from home and when I've asked him if she can take the children after school a few times a week (he works long hours), he told me it is not her responsibility to watch our children. I work 3 days a week but I need some time to myself aswell.

🤣 God OP, I hope this is a reverse or just a troll post! You want your ex's girlfriend to look after your kids for you so you can have time to yourself?

Come on now.

ThatsGoingToHurt · 25/02/2022 10:23

If the girlfriend is working from home she is working. She could get in trouble if she logged off to pick up your kids as she wouldn’t be working. Even if she did pick the kids up and plonk them in front the tv she wouldn’t be supervising the kids as she would be working. Therefore, depending on the ages of the kids if there could be an accident because they are not being supervised.

WouldIwasShookspeared · 25/02/2022 10:23

@CM82

I just checked the child maintenance online. I shows he only needs to pay me £277 which is a joke! I have the children nearly all the time.

In that case accept the £300 and don't make a claim.

Vallmo47 · 25/02/2022 10:24

Sorry OP but I obviously agree with everyone else - it’s unreasonable to expect his girlfriend to parent your children so you get a break. Financial breakdowns are ask so seek help with this from someone in the know.

Guiltypleasures001 · 25/02/2022 10:24

He gave you a good run op and you did well
Now it's back to reality and cutting cloth accordingly

Iamkmackered1979 · 25/02/2022 10:25

You need time to yourself? That’s up to your kids dad. Childminder after school clubs? Speak to him about doing more. It certainly is not up to some random woman to look after them for you. I’m sure she wants tiMe to herself too without someone else’s kids to look after. They are your husband’s responsibility and it should be her choice to get as involved as she wants or not at all.

£300 isn’t bad for maintenance I get a lot less. Go to csa if you haven’t but you may get less. Your ex sounds like he’s been fair to you in the past and has had a struggle. You moved a bloke in 3 months after you split so gave you asked him to babysit too? You need to communicate with your ex, and remember this is not about YOU it’s about your kids and what’s best for them. Both of you need to work out what is in the best interest of your kids re seeing both of you and partners, they’ve gone though a break up and 2 new people in their lives in a few years they need to feel safe and secure not shunted to dads so mum can spend time with her new man or dad spending time with his new female it’s quite unsettling for kids

milkysmum · 25/02/2022 10:25

You've got to be taking the piss?

Original poster

CM82 · 25/02/2022 10:25

I struggle a lot with depression. I just need some advice on how I can get some relief from my children. They are hard work and my parents are too old to look after them.

OP posts:

WouldIwasShookspeared · 25/02/2022 10:26

Oh. Are you the poster who wanted to have the girlfriends income taken into consideration when calculating child support because you feel she should contribute to your children because she's got lots of money?

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