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Original poster

My ex is an "Every other weekend dad"

215 replies

CM82 · 25/02/2022 10:10

My ex, who left about 6 years ago, used to take our two around four/five times a week, pay me £500 a month, bought me a car, let me keep the family allowance and even when I had my new boyfriend move in a few months after he left, he was OK with it until 3 years ago when the company he owned went into liquidation. He also started seeing a girl around this time. I noticed he was more stressed than ever, had to downsize his car and move into a smaller flat. Now he works full time and lives with his girlfriend. He only takes our two every other weekend and thinks £300 is enough in child support. He told me that with bills and back debt after his company went burst, he is struggling a lot. I think its his girlfriend - but our children adore her so what can I do? She works from home and when I've asked him if she can take the children after school a few times a week (he works long hours), he told me it is not her responsibility to watch our children. I work 3 days a week but I need some time to myself aswell.

He also gave the children mobile phones at Christmas (even though I said no because I think they are too young) so they can contact him anytime. I always let them call or text their dad on my phone.

Has anyone got any advice on what to do about this?

OP posts:
clpsmum · 25/02/2022 11:13

You don't realise how good you e got it tbh. You sound selfish

clpsmum · 25/02/2022 11:14

@DoubleChinWoes2

I'm calling reverse - you're the girlfriend, yeah?
I'm with you on that!
TooMuchPaper · 25/02/2022 11:14

He also gave the children mobile phones at Christmas (even though I said no because I think they are too young) so they can contact him anytime. I always let them call or text their dad on my phone.

You're on a wind up here really aren't you? You think your 14 year old is too young for a phone?

username1293948 · 25/02/2022 11:16

@CM82

I'm not looking for sympathy and I know I probably come across as selfish but he knew I struggled with the children and depression before he left and now he is got this new life and doesn't care about me. My partner is great and helps me as much as he can but he struggles with depression and anxiety too so I cannot burden him constantly. I don't expect his girlfriend to pay for our children, I just expect her to help as much as my partner does. Watching them after school for a couple of hours shouldn't be an issue!
You are unhinged
Original poster
CM82 · 25/02/2022 11:16

For all those commenting on my days off during the week, I still get up and take the children to school, do all my housework, go and help out my elderly parents (shopping, cleaning, bathing, etc), come home, start dinner, collect the children. I'm not sitting at home all day watching TV!

OP posts:
Itsalmostanaccessory · 25/02/2022 11:16

@girlmom21

He is working on days that used to be his contact days. He needs to pay for the afterschool club for the 10 year old on those days.

He is paying the CMS amount. That is the MINIMIM amount set by the government. If he worked fewer hours, his maintenance payment would be less.

You really cant praise him for paying maintenance. That is the minimum thing he needs to do. His debts are his problem. He still needs to pay for the kids.

Instead of finding a childcare solution during his working hours, he just handed them off to the OP. He needs to split that fairly.

clpsmum · 25/02/2022 11:17

@Itsalmostanaccessory

You were newly single. Your kids had just had a massive change in their life with their dad moving out. You were suffering depression.

An within a few months you'd moved a new man in, who also suffers from depression.

And you think you've made good choices?

This
ohhooh · 25/02/2022 11:17

So one week you have four days child free, the next week two days. So out of fourteen days you have 6 without children (weekend at dads, part time working) in general? Genuinely I'm not sure how much more childfree time you need!

Your Exs new partner is already helping out by doing Friday pick ups, there's absolutely no place for her to be expected to provide further after school care to give you a break.

If I'm honest I'm totally flabbergasted by your viewpoint!

Original poster
CM82 · 25/02/2022 11:18

He just turned 14. I said both of them have to be 14 before they got a mobile phone but he just decided to do it. That extra £60 on the two phones a month, could be going to help with after school groups.

OP posts:
username1293948 · 25/02/2022 11:18

@CM82

He said his work won't give him days away early during the week and needs a weekend free, so the best I can hope for is every other weekend and see if he'll pay for after school group. Oh and the gf works for herself and collects them from school on the Friday afternoon when its their weekend so I don't know what the issue is on why she can't take them for a few hours 1 or 2 days a week. She tells the kids she loves them. What a joke!
No, YOU are the joke. How are you complaining about £300 a month child maintenance when you only work 3 days a week?! Work more hours if you need more money for the kids. And complaining that you need “time for yourself” ?! Your kids go to school, you work 3 days a week…. How much time do you need? This has got to be a joke
Itsalmostanaccessory · 25/02/2022 11:19

@CM82

Yeah. That's called life. If you want a day off, tell your parents that you cant help.

His gf is not there to give you a day off.

Arrange after school club for the 10 year old and then you can work more. If you dont need the after school care to allow you to work, then you dont need it. You can chill out with the kids in the house. If you need to work but cant, then get the childcare.

username1293948 · 25/02/2022 11:19

@CM82

For all those commenting on my days off during the week, I still get up and take the children to school, do all my housework, go and help out my elderly parents (shopping, cleaning, bathing, etc), come home, start dinner, collect the children. I'm not sitting at home all day watching TV!
That’s something we all have to do!
Steelesauce · 25/02/2022 11:20

Hahahahahahahaha. You really need to grow up. You get 300 a month for 2 children, your children are of an age where they are pretty self sufficient and you have a partner at home. You get EOW free, 2 days off a week while they are at school. You have it better then most. Pull yourself together. His girlfriend does not need to look after your kids. You moved a partner in a few months after your ex left, you put yourself in this position clearly.

Mistressiggi · 25/02/2022 11:20

Seeing your dc for two days a fortnight is not very much though, is it?
The finances might be fine but it's a low bar to only want to see your own dc once a fortnight.

ParisLondonTokyoSlough · 25/02/2022 11:20

Another one convinced this must be a reverse. Even in the previous arrangement with her ex OP was unreasonable. I can’t see why her ex needed to pay OP maintenance when he had the kids more than she did each week (OP worked part time yet only had the kids 2/3 days a week).

So If this isn’t a reverse, OP has had it easy due to the previous arrangement and now for the first time is experiencing the joys of motherhood when you actually do your fair share (if OP worked full time then she might have a point about asking for 50-50 but she doesn’t, so I don’t understand).

BobLemon · 25/02/2022 11:20

… you expect your eldest to be 18 before they get a phone?

Original poster
CM82 · 25/02/2022 11:21

The £300 he gives covers nothing. I've seen his pay slips, he isnt earning what he used to but she has a good business and clearly covers the cost of their rent and bills, so he should be able to give me more. If he was living alone I'd understand.

OP posts:
SD1978 · 25/02/2022 11:22

Shit attempt at a reverse....... your feelings of spite at your ex wife/ or your current partners ex wife still comes through in spades.....

username1293948 · 25/02/2022 11:22

@CM82

I think I will ask him to pay towards an after school group. My boyfriend and I are both on medication for our mental health issues and I am a good mam and the children love me - they are at a hard age now and it is a bit overwhelming.
I assume you hold your boyfriend to the same standards you hold your exes girlfriend? What is he doing to help?
girlmom21 · 25/02/2022 11:24

@Itsalmostanaccessory we're agreeing on almost everything except the after school clubs - I just don't think they're necessary.
I see what you mean about him paying for those because he's reduced his contact which does make sense actually - with the way you've explained it - if they were essential to stop OP's work being impacted, for example.

SD1978 · 25/02/2022 11:24

And if not a really crap reverse...... then you are beyond unreasonable. You already have two days without the kids, get what your entitled to with CSM, and he does not need to pay you enymore than he does already.

AngelDelightUK · 25/02/2022 11:24

At 14 and 10 they must be able to occupy themselves after school surely.

It’s one thing for the GF to finish early two Fridays a month when it’s her own business, but she’d lose money if she did it multiple times a week she would potentially lose clients

You’ve definitely got a better deal than some, I imagined your kids to be a lot younger

girlmom21 · 25/02/2022 11:24

@CM82

The £300 he gives covers nothing. I've seen his pay slips, he isnt earning what he used to but she has a good business and clearly covers the cost of their rent and bills, so he should be able to give me more. If he was living alone I'd understand.
How do you know what she 'clearly' covers?
BobLemon · 25/02/2022 11:25

What problem does having your DC at home pose you? You’ve not mentioned any struggles with clubs or hobbies, which can be very tiring actually. Do you really dislike cooking? Would like less washing? Are they noisy? What about your kids means you need a break from them?

ILoveYou3000 · 25/02/2022 11:25

[quote Itsalmostanaccessory]@girlmom21

He is working on days that used to be his contact days. He needs to pay for the afterschool club for the 10 year old on those days.

He is paying the CMS amount. That is the MINIMIM amount set by the government. If he worked fewer hours, his maintenance payment would be less.

You really cant praise him for paying maintenance. That is the minimum thing he needs to do. His debts are his problem. He still needs to pay for the kids.

Instead of finding a childcare solution during his working hours, he just handed them off to the OP. He needs to split that fairly.[/quote]
What do you think about the fact he used to have them 4/5 nights per week (as per the op) and yet still paid £500 per month maintenance (as per the op)?

Perhaps he realised OP was taking the piss and offered her a choice, either she had the children more or the maintenance stopped and he'd (rightfully) claim from her.

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