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Original poster

My ex is an "Every other weekend dad"

215 replies

CM82 · 25/02/2022 10:10

My ex, who left about 6 years ago, used to take our two around four/five times a week, pay me £500 a month, bought me a car, let me keep the family allowance and even when I had my new boyfriend move in a few months after he left, he was OK with it until 3 years ago when the company he owned went into liquidation. He also started seeing a girl around this time. I noticed he was more stressed than ever, had to downsize his car and move into a smaller flat. Now he works full time and lives with his girlfriend. He only takes our two every other weekend and thinks £300 is enough in child support. He told me that with bills and back debt after his company went burst, he is struggling a lot. I think its his girlfriend - but our children adore her so what can I do? She works from home and when I've asked him if she can take the children after school a few times a week (he works long hours), he told me it is not her responsibility to watch our children. I work 3 days a week but I need some time to myself aswell.

He also gave the children mobile phones at Christmas (even though I said no because I think they are too young) so they can contact him anytime. I always let them call or text their dad on my phone.

Has anyone got any advice on what to do about this?

OP posts:
worriedatthemoment · 25/02/2022 10:56

Or you could work 5 days a week and use a childminder etc like thousands do
Hes paying you just over the correct amount , some don't even get that
Why can't your boyfriend pick up your kids ?

Original poster
CM82 · 25/02/2022 10:57

He said his work won't give him days away early during the week and needs a weekend free, so the best I can hope for is every other weekend and see if he'll pay for after school group.
Oh and the gf works for herself and collects them from school on the Friday afternoon when its their weekend so I don't know what the issue is on why she can't take them for a few hours 1 or 2 days a week. She tells the kids she loves them. What a joke!

OP posts:
Itsalmostanaccessory · 25/02/2022 10:58

You were newly single. Your kids had just had a massive change in their life with their dad moving out. You were suffering depression.

An within a few months you'd moved a new man in, who also suffers from depression.

And you think you've made good choices?

Ivyonafence · 25/02/2022 10:58

This is clearly a reverse.

Why don't you just post your own perspective? I don't understand why people do this, if you don't trust people to answer fairly and honestly then why would you even want their opinions?

worriedatthemoment · 25/02/2022 11:00

How old are your kids ? Do your school have any free after school sports or other clubs
But it really is not your ex girlfriends job to have your kids for you

Original poster
CM82 · 25/02/2022 11:01

This reverse thing? I don't understand what this is? As I'm the gf or the dad?

OP posts:
Itsalmostanaccessory · 25/02/2022 11:02

@CM82

He said his work won't give him days away early during the week and needs a weekend free, so the best I can hope for is every other weekend and see if he'll pay for after school group. Oh and the gf works for herself and collects them from school on the Friday afternoon when its their weekend so I don't know what the issue is on why she can't take them for a few hours 1 or 2 days a week. She tells the kids she loves them. What a joke!
No. You're the joke.

His gf will be arranging her work so that she is able to collect them on the friday. Being able to do something one day does not mean she has no work to do and can do it every day.

Your attitude towards her work is disgusting. I wore for myself. I have to pay for afterschool club because I have actual work to do. Working for yourself does not mean pissing about or pretending so you're totally free for childcare. You're being disgusting towards her.

If you need extra time then pay for after school care and, as I said earlier, go to their dad and explain the situation. He can only work those hours because you provide free childcare html your life is being severely limited by that so you need after school club and he needs to pay his fair share.

If he refuses, there isnt much you can do other than pack up your kids things and drop them off at his doorstep. He can then pay full time wrap about care and you can have the kids at the weekend and pay him child maintenance.

Original poster
CM82 · 25/02/2022 11:02

Our boy is 14 and girl is10

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 25/02/2022 11:03

@CM82

He said his work won't give him days away early during the week and needs a weekend free, so the best I can hope for is every other weekend and see if he'll pay for after school group. Oh and the gf works for herself and collects them from school on the Friday afternoon when its their weekend so I don't know what the issue is on why she can't take them for a few hours 1 or 2 days a week. She tells the kids she loves them. What a joke!
He shouldn't have to pay for after school club if he's already paying maintenance and the clubs are on your time.

Your poor children - both parents trying to palm them off on each other.

Your partner sounds like more hard work than your children do.

girlmom21 · 25/02/2022 11:04

@CM82

Our boy is 14 and girl is10
You hardly need to look after them full time then, do you? Can they walk home from school? Your son doesn't need anyone to look after him for a few hours.
newbiename · 25/02/2022 11:06

@CM82

I'm not looking for sympathy and I know I probably come across as selfish but he knew I struggled with the children and depression before he left and now he is got this new life and doesn't care about me. My partner is great and helps me as much as he can but he struggles with depression and anxiety too so I cannot burden him constantly. I don't expect his girlfriend to pay for our children, I just expect her to help as much as my partner does. Watching them after school for a couple of hours shouldn't be an issue!
She's WORKING
Original poster
CM82 · 25/02/2022 11:07

I messaged him there to arrange a chat about after school care. Clearly, I'm the only one on here that is struggling big time and nobody gets that!
They also just feed the children junk food when he's got them. Never any decent food made.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 25/02/2022 11:08

You might not be happy with it but it is what it is. You have done very well for the last few years. His circumstances have changed so he can no longer keep this up.

Itsalmostanaccessory · 25/02/2022 11:08

@girlmom21

Now, that's not fair.

They used to have a much more even contact arrangement. He had the kids several nights a week.
Then he got a new job, but instead of paying for childcare in his days, he simply handed the kids back to the OP to do the childcare for him.

He should have paid for childcare because those were his days. He didnt. He handed them to the OP and limited her choices. She will now need to pay for childcare in order to have more choices. The childcare that was on his time.

He should contribute to that. Child maintenance simply isnt a high enough calculation to cover cost of living and childcare because childcare is expensive. The government have that one wrong.

Men become weekend parents and pay a couple hundred pounds a month. Women need to find a way to work and pay for full time childcare and then after school school care. The government are wrong on this one.

girlmom21 · 25/02/2022 11:09

I've just seen you only work 3 days a week. But you need time to yourself? Are you taking the piss?

Every other weekend you have two days to yourself but 3 days every single week.

If you're struggling for money, work more.
There's no excuse for needing more time away from your kids. If you really struggle that much with your children it might be best he takes them on full time.

ILoveYou3000 · 25/02/2022 11:09

Do either of the children have SEN? Otherwise I can't understand why a 14 year old needs anyone to collect them from school or 'look after' them. You won't find an after school club for the older child. How about finding them a couple of hobbies/activities to do and splitting the cost with your ex?

girlmom21 · 25/02/2022 11:10

@Itsalmostanaccessory he's earning less than he was before. He's paying as much as he can afford and he's working longer hours to be able to even do that. She's working 3 days a week and still thinks she needs more ' time off'.

Ttcfinalbub · 25/02/2022 11:10

What's really going on here ? You're now complaining about how they feed them at their home but want them there more often ?

It's seeming more like you resent them

whysoserious123 · 25/02/2022 11:10

i work 3 days a week but I need some time to myself aswell.

So you want more time to yourself than your ex's girlfriend. You have two days off a week ) kids are in school) and every other weekend while his girlfriend works all week and has every other weekend off and you want her to look after your children another 2 days a week on top of that

Give your head a wobble

newbiename · 25/02/2022 11:10

You haven't answered- you have two days a week off and every other weekend. Isn't that enough?
Your kids are 14 and 10 ? I expect the 14 year old is in their room or out most if the time.
I thought they were going to be 5&6 or something which is much more work.

layladomino · 25/02/2022 11:10

Do you understand that your ex's girlfried has no responsibilty at all to your children? She already picks them up once a week after school, to help him out presumably, and you use that against her as evidence that she can do it, so should do it more often?

And besides, even if she wanted to help more she couldn't as she's working! Working from home still means working!

If you are struggling with your children (and you have my sympathy if that's the case) it isn't your ex's girlfriend's job to help you out.

username1293948 · 25/02/2022 11:11

You’re insane to ask if his girlfriend can have them after school. Absolutely is not her responsibility. And considering he is still giving £300 a month despite being in debt and his company going into liquidation is better than nothing. You’re taking the piss.

Itsalmostanaccessory · 25/02/2022 11:11

I've just seen the ages.

Your oldest is 14. You dont need wraparound care for them. Just for the 10 year old. That's makes it more affordable and you can work more if the 10 year old is in after school care.

username1293948 · 25/02/2022 11:12

Oh and don’t throw the “I struggle with depression” card…. That isn’t an excuse to take the piss.

BobLemon · 25/02/2022 11:12

OP, people think it’s a “reverse” (a reverse is written by someone pretending to be a different person - usually pretending to be a person who they think is unreasonable) because your position is so objectively unreasonable.

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