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Original poster

My ex is an "Every other weekend dad"

215 replies

CM82 · 25/02/2022 10:10

My ex, who left about 6 years ago, used to take our two around four/five times a week, pay me £500 a month, bought me a car, let me keep the family allowance and even when I had my new boyfriend move in a few months after he left, he was OK with it until 3 years ago when the company he owned went into liquidation. He also started seeing a girl around this time. I noticed he was more stressed than ever, had to downsize his car and move into a smaller flat. Now he works full time and lives with his girlfriend. He only takes our two every other weekend and thinks £300 is enough in child support. He told me that with bills and back debt after his company went burst, he is struggling a lot. I think its his girlfriend - but our children adore her so what can I do? She works from home and when I've asked him if she can take the children after school a few times a week (he works long hours), he told me it is not her responsibility to watch our children. I work 3 days a week but I need some time to myself aswell.

He also gave the children mobile phones at Christmas (even though I said no because I think they are too young) so they can contact him anytime. I always let them call or text their dad on my phone.

Has anyone got any advice on what to do about this?

OP posts:
DoNotTouchTheWater · 25/02/2022 14:31

I am agog that anyone would actually admit that this is how they think about things. The sheer level of entitlement is astounding.

Seriously OP, your ex is not responsible for you. And his girlfriend certainly is not.

You sound extremely controlling about the phones too. Every 13 year old I know has had a mobile for years. Why should you be the gateway to them contacting their father?

girlmom21 · 25/02/2022 14:32

@DoNotTouchTheWater

I am agog that anyone would actually admit that this is how they think about things. The sheer level of entitlement is astounding.

Seriously OP, your ex is not responsible for you. And his girlfriend certainly is not.

You sound extremely controlling about the phones too. Every 13 year old I know has had a mobile for years. Why should you be the gateway to them contacting their father?

Read the updates where the OP has acknowledged feedback and accepted what she can't change and has explained how she plans to change what she can control.

Her first couple of posts were clearly out of frustration as her latter posts are very balanced.

bigknickersbigknockers · 25/02/2022 14:46

This is piss funny, sorry OP but you need to give your head a wobble.

SpiderVersed · 25/02/2022 14:46

I’m glad you’ve seen sense - your ex’s girlfriend isn’t there to provide you with childcare. It’s solely an issue between you and your ex, as the children’s parents.

DoNotTouchTheWater · 25/02/2022 14:50

The very last post might fit that description but the ones before that were very much that her big mortgage etc are somehow her ex’s problem. And that £60 on mobiles should go to her instead etc.

girlmom21 · 25/02/2022 14:57

@DoNotTouchTheWater

The very last post might fit that description but the ones before that were very much that her big mortgage etc are somehow her ex’s problem. And that £60 on mobiles should go to her instead etc.
The post referencing the big mortgage (presumably on the house they bought together originally) specifically says that's her problem at that she's going to sell it. You just wanted to have a pop.
TicTacHoh · 25/02/2022 15:01

Why would his girlfriend look after your kids? Insane.

jelly79 · 25/02/2022 15:02

Maybe change your shift patterns to be more suited to a healthier balance for you all.

SeasonFinale · 25/02/2022 15:08

You are struggling to cope with the break up - this was 6 years ago. What you are struggling with in reality is that even after the break up (and after you moved your new partner in) your ex paid for more than he had to in law but now that he won't subsidise you and your partner anymore you have this mistaken belief that his gf should pay their household expenses so he can give you more.

Your current partner us around after school so there isn't a reason why a 14 Yr old (even one with anxiety) and a 10 year old don't just come home after school. They aren't babies.

PeeAche · 25/02/2022 15:10

This is a reverse, surely!?

worriedatthemoment · 25/02/2022 15:33

OP you could have a chat with your ex and explain you feel hes also missing time with the kids and that they will be off doing there own thing soon and see if that has any affect
It will get easier as they get older im sure and when you can sell up and move on

Guiltypleasures001 · 25/02/2022 15:54

If you have mental health problems op
Why did you saddle yourself with someone the same ?
How is that helpful to you and your poor kids

theemmadilemma · 25/02/2022 16:13

@CM82

The £300 he gives covers nothing. I've seen his pay slips, he isnt earning what he used to but she has a good business and clearly covers the cost of their rent and bills, so he should be able to give me more. If he was living alone I'd understand.
How much she earns, brings to the table for them, and how much free time she has are NONE, NONE of your business.

Take her out of the equation. Being your exH girlfriend (even wife) doesn't mean she has any responsibility for paying for, or looking after your children.

I'm sorry you're struggling but you're looking massively in the wrong direction.

PlopperDoo · 25/02/2022 16:26

Oh and the gf works for herself and collects them from school on the Friday afternoon when its their weekend so I don't know what the issue is on why she can't take them for a few hours 1 or 2 days a week. She tells the kids she loves them. What a joke

Wow. Just wow.

Not excusing him but she has absolutely no responsibility to watch your kids a few times a week 😳😳 I can't believe anyone would think this were a reasonable request let alone be pissed off that she wouldn't agree to it. That is incredibly entitled OP.

PlopperDoo · 25/02/2022 16:27

used to take our two around four/five times a week, pay me £500 a month,

Also why was he paying you so much when he had the children more than you?

PlopperDoo · 25/02/2022 16:27

Unless you mean those times weren't overnight?

Graphista · 25/02/2022 17:19

"Family allowance"

Is what made me suspicious

A decent realistic amount of child maintenance I don't see anything wrong with.

Eow is fairly normal, be good if he could see them once a week too but doesn't sound like that's feasible with his new working hours.

His new girlfriend minding your kids at your convenience? NO! She's not a free babysitter AND has no responsibility here AND wfh means WORKS from home - depending on age of dc then especially if they're primary age or younger they can't just be left to their own devices! They would need entertaining, help with homework etc

Oooh reverse - yes could well be!

Frankly If he was having the dc 4/5 days a week at that point he was the resident parent was he not?! And therefore you should have been paying him maintenance!

If you want or need the dc supervised after school then do what every other single mum has to do and use asc or childminder

You had a boyfriend move in with your kids after just a few months?

Good spot hardly the wisest move - if true

I don't expect his girlfriend to pay for our children, I just expect her to help as much as my partner does.

Neither of your new partners have ANY responsibility towards your (him and you) kids!

NowEvenBetter · 25/02/2022 19:19

None of the new boyfriends/girlfriends involved (too soon) have any requirement or expectation to provide childcare for you or your ex boyfriend. Ever. Plus, how much ‘childcare’ does a 10 and 14yr old really need? 😂
You’re mind blowingly unreasonable beyond the realms of comprehension. That’s why everyone thinks your thread is taking the piss out of us, it’s so over the top unreasonable.

STARCATCHER22 · 25/02/2022 19:30

How come your boyfriend is around to watch the children after school when you’re working? Is he not working?

cptartapp · 25/02/2022 19:40

Your parents need to pay for carers if they need bathing, and a cleaner. And do their shopping online. They don't expect you to do all that indefinitely on top of your own responsibilities do they!? Really?
You don't seem to be one of lifes copers. Why make things more difficult than they need be? Step back.

honeylulu · 25/02/2022 20:09

I don't expect his girlfriend to pay for our children, I just expect her to help as much as my partner does. Watching them after school for a couple of hours shouldn't be an issue!

Two issues. They're not her children, and she is working!!! WFH is not free to provide childcare. I WFH as does other half and our kids are in childcare until 6pm.

Stroopwaffle5000 · 25/02/2022 20:19

@CM82

He said his work won't give him days away early during the week and needs a weekend free, so the best I can hope for is every other weekend and see if he'll pay for after school group. Oh and the gf works for herself and collects them from school on the Friday afternoon when its their weekend so I don't know what the issue is on why she can't take them for a few hours 1 or 2 days a week. She tells the kids she loves them. What a joke!
She can't take them on for a few hours 1 or 2 times a week because SHE IS WORKING!!!! Use after-school clubs like everyone else does!
TicTacHoh · 25/02/2022 20:23

Why does a 14 year old (even with social anxiety) need anyone to babysit him after school?

whysoserious123 · 25/02/2022 20:26

What I always find odd with these threads is the OP always wants a break, regardless of mental health issues or not and expects the step parent to be the unpaid nanny yet if the OP and her partner had NOT broken up there would be NO step parent in the picture and they would have to rely on paid childcare like everyone else. It's very lucky if a grandparent or auntie or uncle offer free childcare otherwise again the OP would need to rely on paid childcare

Lemonlady22 · 25/02/2022 21:10

@WouldIwasShookspeared

If you are really really struggling you could see if your ex will take custody for a while. They have two parents who are equally responsible for them. If one is at breaking point the other should step in.
And then you will get NO child maintenance.. 🙂