Utterly, utterly, heartbroken

[colouringindoors]

I know I'm not the first and won't be the last. It's nothing new.

But I honestly don't know how I can bear this

This morning my relationship ended. We'd only been "together" for six months, friends for 3 years, I've "liked" him for over 3 years. It has been wonderful. I could talk about anything and everything with him. He made me laugh, he's kind, we had lots in common and omg the chemistry was incredible. I really thought he was the person I'd spend the rest of my life with.

This came after separating from my husband of 20+ years 4 years ago and a huge amount of trauma due to ex's severe mental illness, ds severely ill, dd diagnosed ASD. The last 10 years have been horrendous apart from meeting new man, getting to know him and becoming involved with him.

I feel worse than I did when I separated from my husband. I've been unable to stop crying all day. I literally don't know what to do with myself.

How do I bear this?!

[colouringindoors]

Ended up looking out a photo of him. Bad idea 💔

[merl20]

Hi. I just read your post from January and I feel like this post was written by me today. I feel like this pain will never go away. I can't function at all. And I'm not sure if I want to anymore..I just can't.

[colouringindoors]

@merl20 oh my heart goes out to you. It's horrific isn't it. Do you want to share any more?

I am testament to the fact that it does ease, with time, sometimes quite a lot of time. But god it's brutal. For me the first two weeks were horrific and it was a case of finding ways to get through each day, being very kind to myself, finding distractions (Gilmore Girls on Netflix helped), talking and crying with friends.

💐💐💐

[merl20]

@colouringindoors I'd love to but my story is so long.

[colouringindoors]

Feel so low today

[WaiveringKate]

Why do you feel low @colouringindoors ? I always check in on this thread, going through my own heartbreak. I think he has met someone (online on what's app all the time) so I'm back at square 1. Knowing it will definitely never happen now. He didn't treat me well, and wants to forget he ever met me.
Some days are ok, some are really bad - I nearly had a panic attack yesterday.

[merl20]

I had a serious breakdown yesterday. I just can't stop crying. I know this pain will ease in time but at the moment I don't know how on earth it is possible. He is my colleague... and I have to go to the office today. I really hope I won't see him there today. But it's soo hard, my heart is so heavy.
@colouringindoors @WaiveringKate Hang on there.. I hope this day will pass quickly. 🌸

[colouringindoors]

Oh merl20 that's so hard he's your colleague. Really hope you don't see him today. Hang in there.

waivering I hope today is a better day.

I seem to have massively regressed. Lots of sobbing last night. Still feel dreadful. So want to see him. Maybe being away with my siblings and their OHs followed by coming home from a holiday which wasnt all good due to ds, to my lonely existence hasn't helped. I know ex would have enjoyed it too. I just miss him so much. More than I've ever missed anyone. By a long way.

[ImJustMadAboutSaffron]

@WaiveringKate

Why do you feel low @colouringindoors ? I always check in on this thread, going through my own heartbreak. I think he has met someone (online on what's app all the time) so I'm back at square 1. Knowing it will definitely never happen now. He didn't treat me well, and wants to forget he ever met me.
Some days are ok, some are really bad - I nearly had a panic attack yesterday.

Then, Kate, you would do well to forget him. He really doesn't sound worth it (sorry I have not read all your posts, this thread is mega now). He'll be treating the next woman derisively, too. Keep checking in with others who have gone through the same thing and support each other to move on, rather than dwell on these men who were not right for any of you, otherwise you'd have all had your happy ever after with them.

Wish you all lots of luck with your life focused on yourselves (for now, at least!)

[Wildflowerbeauty]

Hi , I’d just like to say how lovely you girls all sound . Supporting each other through such a difficult time in your lives . I would also like to say that reading these threads reminds me of my situation 5 years ago . I felt exactly the same after breaking up with my ex . It was horrendous! I used to carry around a list of all the bad things about him so that when I felt I was having a melt down or panic attack I would read the list and remind myself why we broke up . At that time I never thought I would ever get over him . The pain was physically overwhelming. My heart hurt so much . I always wanted to know how long would I feel like this . I never knew . So , I’m 5 years on and very happy . I can honestly tell you girls that it took me 2 yr to get over him . I tried to date during this time and it didn’t help . But after 2 yr of no contact I was finally totally over him . I’d think of him still but felt nothing . No sadness, nothing . I hope this helps you Grace ladies . Stay strong , you will get over him x

[colouringindoors]

Ahhh thank you @Wildflowerbeauty I really appreciate that. Your experience is very relatable. I'm so pleased you're happy now. I'm beginning to suspect it's going to take me some time....

[colouringindoors]

Been going backwards all week. Hope that stops soon.

[Earlgrey19]

OP, I get it, this happened to me, also after a lot of horrendous family trauma, and I never knew pain like it. I did eventually get to a much better place through taking time to invest as much as possible in my friendships and the things I like to do that are really me.

Then in this case, he got beyond his ex issues (I hope) and we are together again. If it’s meant to be it will work out, and not if it doesn’t. But if he doesn’t feel he wants to be with you more than his ex, then it’s not right and you’re better out of it, as painful as that is. Reach out to do nice things with your friends as much as you can, even if you don’t feel like being social. You need your people. Hugs and courage, you will find yourself.

[colouringindoors]

Thanks @Earlgrey19 I am really not doing good tonight 😪

[Earlgrey19]

i feel for you. Know that you are loved by the important people in your life, try to get some sleep now, and tomorrow maybe reach out to someone close to you for a chat, if you can.

[merl20]

@colouringindoors I can feel you. For me it’s like one moment I think okay, I have to move on etc, there are plenty of other guys out there. and on the second moment I’m like jesus christ I love him to bits and I miss him soo much! And then I start to read messages his lovely messages and I can’t understand what went wrong. He loved me, he really did, what on earth happened with us..🥺. I just want to mope around all weekend, I want to cry and just be alone with my thoughts😭

[Thisisworsethananticpated]

Ladies checking in on you all
I joined this thread when I was upset after a fling ending
went online , met another
fell for him majorly
split , or fragmented over Easter
now sad about the second one !

i also have ups and downs

I spent Easter alone in a strange city and I’ve been

• writing in diary non stop

- also changed WhatsApp so I can’t stalk them or be seen either

• trying to keep busy

but yeah I look back to before I started dating again and I miss that peace !!!!!
wish i could turn libido off

sending 🎈 to everyone
love hurts !!

[Thisisworsethananticpated]

And brutal tidying
I delete all photos and messages
eveything must go !

do they spark joy ? No
delete

[merl20]

I am not ready to delete anything yet.. i know it’s self-torture.
I wrote him a message “I miss you” but I haven’t pressed send button yet. I am so weak 😕

[Thisisworsethananticpated]

Maybe don’t torture yourself
and berate yourself
want to send it ? Send it
but be ready for a ‘not reply’

i told my chap I missed him
he replied but didn’t say he missed me back !
so yeah

but don’t be hard in yourself
it’s ok to miss someone that meant something you

[colouringindoors]

Thanks all. I'm going to start a follow-on thread though my current state of mind is telling me everyone's had enough of this. Fuck I know I have.

Much ❤️ to everyone else struggling. I'm having a being very kind to myself and feeling sad day. Hopefully I'll feel a bit better tomorrow.

[colouringindoors]

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4536085-utterly-heartbroken-pt2-baby-steps-forward

[colouringindoors]

i feel for you. Know that you are loved by the important people in your life, try to get some sleep now, and tomorrow maybe reach out to someone close to you for a chat, if you can. @Earlgrey19 thank you, lovely kind message.

 me it’s like one moment I think okay, I have to move on etc, there are plenty of other guys out there. and on the second moment I’m like jesus christ I love him to bits and I miss him soo much! And then I start to read messages his lovely messages and I can’t understand what went wrong. @merl20 this is just like me 🙄

sending 🎈 to everyone
love hurts !!
thanks @Thisisworsethananticpated it fkn does!!! Hope you have more up days v soon.

[Wildflowerbeauty]

Just wondering how you are now ?

[Crankley]

Did you read the OP's penultimate post in which she links to her second thread? Obviously not.