Utterly, utterly, heartbroken

[colouringindoors]

I know I'm not the first and won't be the last. It's nothing new.

But I honestly don't know how I can bear this

This morning my relationship ended. We'd only been "together" for six months, friends for 3 years, I've "liked" him for over 3 years. It has been wonderful. I could talk about anything and everything with him. He made me laugh, he's kind, we had lots in common and omg the chemistry was incredible. I really thought he was the person I'd spend the rest of my life with.

This came after separating from my husband of 20+ years 4 years ago and a huge amount of trauma due to ex's severe mental illness, ds severely ill, dd diagnosed ASD. The last 10 years have been horrendous apart from meeting new man, getting to know him and becoming involved with him.

I feel worse than I did when I separated from my husband. I've been unable to stop crying all day. I literally don't know what to do with myself.

How do I bear this?!

@Thisisworsethananticpated Yeah I believe you're right. That or mind games. I'm exhausted with it. I was getting used to the NC and now this is has set me back. Thanks for your replies @diplop @ImJustMadAboutSaffron
Don't want to keep going on and on to my friends so this thread has been so helpful.

@milkandhoney i know what you mean about going on and on, i still am a bit after 9 weeks... this thread has been so helpful. the 2am Hey was probably alcohol furlled. if you poss can, stick to the NC. It is the best strategy. when I've deviated it's set me back...

Sending love to you all.

@scorpiogirly how are you doing? I miss you x

Went to a funeral today. Last 3 funerals I've been to ex was there. I fell in love with him at my bil tragic funeral. I really, really missed him today.

Attending a funeral is one of your triggers. Just be aware of your triggers, accept them. It'll get easier with time promise.

A funeral is hard enough @colouringindoors without the added reminder.

Thank you both. Cannot get him out of my head today. This is clearly going to take some time. One part of my brain still can't believe that something that felt so amazing has had to end. One day....

Urgh I'm on page 10. I still feel a bit insane.

I miss him so much. More than I've ever missed anyone

Just reading through this whole thread and so grateful for all the kindness and advice, especially in the first couple of weeks @Windywuss @AlbertBridge @Thisisworsethananticpated especially x

@colouringindoors

I miss him so much. More than I've ever missed anyone

What was the reason for splitting up? I just read your OP but you didn't say. I can't trawl 19 pages on my phone. Hope you have a positive weekend. Perhaps replacing things you did with him with new positive things could help?

colouringindoors
I’m sorry you are still feeling crappy
The funeral can’t have helped

Putting him aside how are things with life in general
Work kids and health
How’s the mental health support
Any plans for the weekend

Thanks.
Mental health support has ended - it was crisis team and crisis has def passed. There isn't anything else..
Work is ok though i do have in mind that i need to earn more. Have a crappy p/t term time job that has enabled me to care for ds..
But ds not great last couple of weeks. Loss of function Mon and Fri - no use of legs at mo. Which means, due to my back injury we're stuck at home (I can't manage his wheelchair) and I'm bored of home. He's at his dad's tomorrow. I need to make some plans, but will be on my own.
Sun is out. I will force myself to do a bit of gardening...

How sure are you that what he told you about being separated was actually the truth? Supposing when he was with you he was still sort of with his wife, but he genuinely believed he wanted to be with you? Then, she leaves him, and for whatever reason (his ego?) he decides he can't lose her, has to focus all his attention on winning her back, so can't have you in the picture while he's doing this?

The reason for splitting up was that he was not over his ex.

Sounds suspicious to me.

colouringindoors
It’s tough with your son
As it easy as it is to say ‘get out there , have fun’ there are some natural constraints
And yet , I wish for some more joy for you - whatever form it takes

Yeah. There's very little joy.

IceColdAlice thanks for your thoughts. I can't be 100% sure. But I have to just accept that his feelings for me weren't strong enough, weren't as strong as mine. If I keep analysing that side of things I really will loose the plot. I have to try and focus on me, and my mental health tbh.

colouringindoors you're doing so well! Don't get caught in the trap of ultra analysing everything. Like a previous poster said, if you concentrate on making your life good then you will be enough and any relationship will just be the icing on the cake.

It's so hard.. my ex wants to stay friends so I haven't blocked him but I look at his WhatsApp 'last seen' times and try to work out what he's doing. I almost messaged him today but stopped myself.. I find Friday and Saturday nights difficult.

Thanks. I'm not even sure how to get more joy in my life. I'm joining a choir. What else?!

Yeah weekends are definitely hardest.

This is a great thread, in the best possible sense, OP as it is allowing you to think and work through feelings and helping other people with the same or similar problems.

Thanks.

Well today I had a lovely chat with a guy in a cafe. Am trying to see it as a positive step.

The choir and cafe man are positive steps

I think feeling sexy again, feeling like a woman who puts that sexy dress on and walks in to some where and she is noticed. To feel good inside. To feel desired, wanted, a confidence boost, listening to your favourite music and dancing round the kitchen. Finding you again. These things can also help you heal and move forward with your life