Utterly, utterly, heartbroken

[colouringindoors]

I know I'm not the first and won't be the last. It's nothing new.

But I honestly don't know how I can bear this

This morning my relationship ended. We'd only been "together" for six months, friends for 3 years, I've "liked" him for over 3 years. It has been wonderful. I could talk about anything and everything with him. He made me laugh, he's kind, we had lots in common and omg the chemistry was incredible. I really thought he was the person I'd spend the rest of my life with.

This came after separating from my husband of 20+ years 4 years ago and a huge amount of trauma due to ex's severe mental illness, ds severely ill, dd diagnosed ASD. The last 10 years have been horrendous apart from meeting new man, getting to know him and becoming involved with him.

I feel worse than I did when I separated from my husband. I've been unable to stop crying all day. I literally don't know what to do with myself.

How do I bear this?!

Didn’t want to read & run, just offering you a virtual hug and 🌸 . It’s so hard, go easy on yourself. Is there any chance it’s not over for good?

thank you x no, it's definitely over.

Time

I’ve been where you are in October 2021 and I’m beginning to feel better and stronger!

Oh no, sorry to hear this. Can you both take time out to think things over & then talk. Perhaps it's not the end.

I don't know what to do with myself

Oh no you poor thing I understand what you mean, this relationship was full of promise, your marriage was probably dead in the water for years and separating was a positive thing in some ways.

Is it definitely fully over? If so then cold turkey is probably the best way even if the gap in your life will be enormous. You 100% won't always feel as bad as this.

It's just so crap, sorry I am struggling for advice but I totally and utterly sympathise. xx

Is there no way you can sort it out? Surely if you were both so good why end it x

mcmooberry thank you x never imagined I could feel this horrendous

he ended it. he's not totally over his ex. I had started to wonder, the last month, but couldn't face the prospect of splitting up.

I know. On top of the world to the bottom of the world overnight, it's grim.
Time is the only thing and a sense of perspective, it wasn't 100% perfect if he couldn't commit (or whatever reason he gave for ending it).
Romantic rejection is the worst feeling in the world. Can you exercise or call a friend who knows exactly what to say, anything to lift you even temporarily?

It's ok. It really is. You will feel better. What you had was lovely- it really was, and you will always have that experience.

It turned out that it wasn't forever, this time, but that's ok.

It means that you can do healthy relationships, that you can enjoy someone's company and being in a relationship and all that jazz.

So there is hope for another go in the future.

Try and hang on to it as a positive experience that offers hope for more positive experiences in the future.

Sending hugs to you. Keep reminding yourself that you deserve happiness and a man who is totally committed to you, not one who is still pondering previous relationships. I wonder if you feel so overcome with emotions because he was a good diversion after the breakdown of your marriage. Maybe there's some unresolved feelings from this that you had suppressed

I can totally relate - I’ve just ended thing with my DP - and I feel far worse than I did when I split from my XH of 12 years. It’s harder when you still love someone, especially if it wasn’t your choice.

I don’t know how you get over it, but you just will, because that’s what we do. Give yourself permission to grieve for the relationship as you would any other loss. It’s ok to feel bereft, more than ok, it’s natural and expected. Be kind to yourself and plough some of the love you gave to him into taking care of yourself.

One way I am able to calm myself when I wobble is to tell myself that this doesn’t have to be the end. If you are meant to be together then something will change in the future and you will find each other. Maybe he’ll work through his ex issues and then be in a better place in a year or two. But chances are by that point you will have moved on.

and a big hug for you.

And yes - if he can live without you, let him.

l think the prospect of a happy ending for me after so much trauma was so wonderful

You've been very invested in someone who probably can shrug off the short relationship you've had.
Be kind to yourself and have a cup of tea and a chocolate or two.

Find something to occupy your mind - take up DuoLingo! It's a fab way of stretching your brain.
In three months you'll have forgotten all about him.

thank you everyone x

I'm sure he was lovely but probably not as lovely as you built him up to be. Comparatively to your ex anyone was going to look good from what you have described.
You can still have a happy ending, with or without a man
Its awful, heartbreak. Its really only time and allowing yourself to grieve. It does get better

Oh OP, I'm sorry to hear this. It's only just happened so as cliché as it sounds, it will get better with time. I know that doesn't help now though so for now, allow yourself to be sad, lost etc and slowly it won't feel so raw.
For you

I literally feel like I'm going to be sick. I've cried all day and there's more...

I'm sorry this probably sounds ridiculously melodramatic and self absorbed. but honestly I've never felt this bad ever, and I've had a lot of bad shit happen

I was dumped callously the day after Boxing Day. He was the first person I let in after splitting with my daughter’s father 3.5 years ago. It gets easier. It’s shit, but at least you’re not still in a relationship with him when he’s hankering after an ex. It really gets on my nerves that people start relationships when they have unresolved issues regarding previous relationships. It’s selfish.

yes it really is. Sorry that happened to you x

Thank you, I’m starting to accept I had a lucky escape. Sounds like you have too. Keep reading here, it helps and post as much as you want. I would recommend cutting contact with him if you haven’t already. It doesn’t have to be forever, give yourself 30 days of no contact, I promise you’ll feel different by the end of it.

You'll not just be grieving for this relationship, it'll be all the feelings from your previous one too, which is why you feel so devastated. It will get better, one day, one hour at a time. Look after yourself. X

yes, and i think grieving for the future I saw with him