Utterly, utterly, heartbroken

[colouringindoors]

I know I'm not the first and won't be the last. It's nothing new.

But I honestly don't know how I can bear this

This morning my relationship ended. We'd only been "together" for six months, friends for 3 years, I've "liked" him for over 3 years. It has been wonderful. I could talk about anything and everything with him. He made me laugh, he's kind, we had lots in common and omg the chemistry was incredible. I really thought he was the person I'd spend the rest of my life with.

This came after separating from my husband of 20+ years 4 years ago and a huge amount of trauma due to ex's severe mental illness, ds severely ill, dd diagnosed ASD. The last 10 years have been horrendous apart from meeting new man, getting to know him and becoming involved with him.

I feel worse than I did when I separated from my husband. I've been unable to stop crying all day. I literally don't know what to do with myself.

How do I bear this?!

Wow @homebaby .. he's seriously messing with your head, do NOT let him get the upper hand. There is no need to respond quickly, or at all, to his message. How long were you NC?

Hadn't seen what @colouringindoors had said. Totally agree!

@colouringindoors @Itsmewithanewname thank you ❤️ I've done hours literally of research in to narcissism and psychopaths and the latter is him to a t. I swore I wouldn't get sucked back in but here I am, a few messages and I'm questioning myself again. I hate it. Been 3 months nc. Shamefully I'm not strong enough not to reply, I have said don't contact me again and blocked on my business page. I don't even like him as a person, he's vile, manipulative and definitely not a good partner but god this is hard. It's like all my dreams could possibly come true...... but they never will because he's really a fake person. I could scream at myself tonight. Really appreciate the replies, it's helping put things in to focus which is what I need right now

Try not to beat yourself up x. Messaging him to say don't contact me is really fine. Not weak. Or shameful. Not doing any more than that takes strength.

Sorry for your pain back in January. How are you feeling now ? Hope you are feeling a lot better

Thank you. I am doing very much better. I still miss him and I think of him quite a lot. But it's less painful and I'm trying to move forward with hobbies, work, friends. Still sometimes can't understand why we're not together.

I joined a choir tonight. Baby steps...

Still hope he's missing me though.

@Homebaby

So, just when I thought I was moving forward after going complete nc he messaged me on my business page, he's blocked on my phone and personal fb. Apparently met someone new but it's ended as he's not over me. Wants to try again, regrets everything blah blah blah. It's messed me up so much. Despite knowing he's a narcissist, I've done enough research about it, why do i question if he's telling the truth and if we really are meant to be together?! Can't believe I'm here, I've been so strong and now I feel like a weak mess again. Need a handhold

What a creep. Don't capitulate!

@Homebaby how are you doing today?

Today I sent off a prospective job letter and CV to company I'd like to work for! Never done that before! Fingers crossed!

Got me thinking really after last night's choir.... It's three months since we split. I'd say I'm well on the road to recovery now. So, for me, it's taken some time, but I've got there. And if I can, believe me.....

That gives me hope, @colouringindoors .. I am just feeling so low right now! Have been doing OK and counting my blessings, but I just have a constant feeling of low-ness that I can't shift. Until I start thinking about him / the situation / wondering if he's going to come back to me, it's truly the only subject I can concentrate on. I tried online dating and no one appealed. I was getting annoyed with him prior to our split because he wasn't making any effort to talk about the future or plan for it, and I didn't want to wait until his grown up children had left home before we could make any plans, and now I'm just regretting the three years I wasted on him. And yes I do feel that they were wasted.. I can't look back on anything with happy memories now.

Oh I'm sorry to hear that. It is hard not to feel the time was wasted. But we will have learned a bit about ourselves. What we like in a partner, what we don't, how we enjoy spending our time. And hopefully you did have some good times together tho it probably doesn't feel like it now. Tbh the going on dates thing is not a good strategy for me. I am focusing on developing my friendships, saying yes to everything I could do (not that much!) and have joined a choir, all trying to get busier and have more in my life.... Don't get me wrong I still have my moments but they're fewer and less painful than before. I've also discovered very late in the day that relaxing in a bath to an audio book is nice! "The Enchanted April" is really lovely and heartwarming.

I still do the "F**k Off [Name]" in my head when he pops in....

"The Enchanted April" is really lovely and heartwarming

I have the DVD and the book. Am going to watch the DVD on Sunday (my birthday) and then read the book. Or would you recommend the other way around?

Oh nice x. I'd probably say book first but to be honest it doesn't really matter. Enjoy 😍

Do you have the misfortune of still having to see him @colouringindoors ?!

@colouringindoors thank you so much for checking up on me, I've only just seen it! I'm doing ok, it's been one hell of a week though. Things have come to light that make me extremely thankful I'm not still in the relationship. However along with that has come the realisation that this may not be a straightforward situation to deal with. Sorry to be cryptic but don't want to be outing. I am no longer upset by the break up and my eyes have been firmly opened but moving on for me is going to be way more difficult than I thought, don't think I'll ever trust a man again after this.
I'm so pleased you're doing better, love that you've joined a choir and are getting on with your life!
Definitely need a follow up thread!

@thestraitofillinois thankfully not. Don't honestly know what I would have done if that was the case.

@Homebaby very cryptic! But hopefully it helps a bit knowing you're best out of it. Hope your weekend is better than the week.

I'm on holiday with dcs but have had a horrifically long drive due to 2 motorway closures and am wrecked

@colouringindoors sorry to be so cryptic, basically I had an idea of what he was potentially capable of but that's been confirmed and more. Scary. But it does help with the old maybe it could have worked in my head scenario haha.
Thank you 😊 I hope your weekend is good. Keep moving forward!

No need to apologise x

Tough day today. On holiday (good) ds symptomatic with his FND (shit) = too much time to remember similar little holiday with ex (wonderful). Missing him and thinking we could have had such a lovely time here together. Feeling lonely tonight.

@colouringindoors ah sorry colouring. I empathise as was on holiday last week and felt so guilty and stupid for spending my whole break away thinking of ex.
Checked his social media tonight and there are 2 new (gorgeous) women following him. Makes me feel sick that he's obviously dating.
Sending a virtual hug, you may feel lonely but you are absolutely not alone. Enjoy the rest of your holiday. Keep doing the F off mantra!

Thanks so much @milkandhoneyy take care

@colouringindoors it's always hard doing things for the first time after a split isn't it. Once they're done and you realised you survived I think it actually helps with the moving on process.
I do hope you get to enjoy some of your holiday!
@milkandhoney if you can block him do it, it's actually quite empowering but I know how hard it is!

Yeah, though it's kind of the second time! Missed him a lot driving home for some reason (more time to dwell?) Back home today, unpacking. Kids at their dads so have a welcome day on my own. I love them dearly and they're very independent now as teens, but there's something about having the house to myself... Going to try and distract myself with more gardening...