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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband told dd he wish he had never had her

217 replies

Chohlin654 · 22/12/2021 22:29

DD (14) was winding her Dad up last night. He'd had a lot to drink, he had been out for 9 hours drinking. It was something he should have laughed off but because of drink, took her serious.
He told her to shut her mouth and he wished she had never been born. He never wanted her and regretted meeting me etc. Would rather be on his own etc. He really went off on one. He was sending lovely messages up until 15 minutes before, is it something he's been harbouring for a long time, I wonder?
DD was so upset and went upto bed, he went to sleep. We have been out all day with younger dd and he's been in the pub, he's now in bed pissed. I really need to leave him don't I? I think I may be finally in a position to do this.
He's always been a drinker and really nasty to me but never said anything like this to the girls before.

OP posts:
Cmsadvice · 22/12/2021 22:31

Awful thing to say. Yeah I'd be out if there ASAP. Your poor daughter.

GettingItOutThere · 22/12/2021 22:32

there is no coming back from that, im sorry but what an awful thing to say to his own daughter. I would not forgive that, as a daughter or as a partner/wife

aggresive partners almost always eventually turn on the kids, its happened. leave.

AnyFucker · 22/12/2021 22:32

Off he fucks

GiveOverIrene · 22/12/2021 22:33

Well you should have left years ago if he's always been nasty to you, but better late than never.

DismantledKing · 22/12/2021 22:33

That’s unforgivable. Completely unforgivable.

LethargicActress · 22/12/2021 22:33

Yes, you do need to leave him.

HollowTalk · 22/12/2021 22:34

Completely unforgivable. That would be it for me.

RepentBirthingPersonFucker · 22/12/2021 22:35

You have to leave. Staying would be terrible for your daughter, she has to know someone has her back
Nothing he can say can make up for this

Original poster
Chohlin654 · 22/12/2021 22:35

I've put up with so much from him over the years despite knowing I should leave. I have never been in a position to do so before now due to working part time on a shit wage and it has always been my excuse I suppose. I have a good full time job and decent equity now, I need to do it

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 22/12/2021 22:36

He’s an abusive alcoholic. You and she both deserve better. Put her first.

LetItGoHome · 22/12/2021 22:39

It sounds like you already know the answer.
You must leave, for not only the sake of your children, but yourself too.
I really do hope you have the gumption to follow through with what needs to be done.
Best of luck xx

pilates · 22/12/2021 22:41

Yes don’t waste another year of your life with him. You and your children deserve better.

bearlyactive · 22/12/2021 22:41

Leave, OP. We'll be with you

Smackthepony · 22/12/2021 22:42

Yep, please leave now. As the daughter of a nasty alcoholic, I can tell you she will never forget what he said. Like me she will internalise those words. Alcoholics are never sorry and never take responsibility for their words or actions. There is no future for you or your children while he is in your life.

MrsWooster · 22/12/2021 22:42

Unforgivable. Make sure she knows you’re leaving because he’s an abusive cunt, and that she doesn’t weave some narrative that it’s her fault…

pinkcattydude · 22/12/2021 22:43

And get support for your children, those words stay with you

Queenie6655 · 22/12/2021 22:43

Fcker

How dare he

Sorry but yes leave

Viviennemary · 22/12/2021 22:44

Why was she winding him up. Sounds likd deep down he is very fed up with it all. Very wrong of him to say these things. Its awful.

Arethechildreninbedyet · 22/12/2021 22:45

@DismantledKing

That’s unforgivable. Completely unforgivable.
This.

Off he fucks. She’ll remember this forever.

Allsortsofroses · 22/12/2021 22:47

In vino veritas.

Let the for go free since that's what he wants (though im sure, sober, he'll decide living in a home etc two incomes, a woman who probably does the lions share or house work and wife work, conventional respectability and conformity, convenience not potentially losing his assets, pension etc is actually worth trying trying bullshit his way out of this for ... no doubt he'll not remember, he'll not have been serious, he'll ot have meant it blah blah.

Also him being a nasty drunk is now affecting your daughters as well as you.

savvy7 · 22/12/2021 22:48

My Dad said something similar to me when I was about 16/17. He wasn't drunk / an alcoholic but I've never forgotten those words and we have a cool relationship 30 years on. I wish my Mum had had the courage to leave him.

Allsortsofroses · 22/12/2021 22:48

*Let the fkr go free

Original poster
Chohlin654 · 22/12/2021 22:49

I don't even know where to start.

He doesn't have anywhere to go, neither do I really. I suppose it is house for sale ASAP.
We have split previous to this but I couldn't afford a mortgage alone, crap wage, no support and so we tried again. I have been building up to this in striving to earn more as I knew it was inevitable but its still a shock as it came from literally nowhere, he's not said a nasty thing in 4/5 years or more. He has just been keeping it in and so it will never go away.

OP posts:
FreeBritnee · 22/12/2021 22:51

Do you think he’ll even remember what he did/said in the morning?

Allsortsofroses · 22/12/2021 22:51

Also what he said is a line you don't cross.

Not even drunk.

She didn't ask to be born, maybe he should've used condoms or got the snip if he did want kids, I'm sute she's no better orators than any typical kid. She doesnt deserves that, what a fkg bastard. Would he like his mum or dad to have said that to him.