Husband told dd he wish he had never had her

[Chohlin654]

DD (14) was winding her Dad up last night. He'd had a lot to drink, he had been out for 9 hours drinking. It was something he should have laughed off but because of drink, took her serious.
He told her to shut her mouth and he wished she had never been born. He never wanted her and regretted meeting me etc. Would rather be on his own etc. He really went off on one. He was sending lovely messages up until 15 minutes before, is it something he's been harbouring for a long time, I wonder?
DD was so upset and went upto bed, he went to sleep. We have been out all day with younger dd and he's been in the pub, he's now in bed pissed. I really need to leave him don't I? I think I may be finally in a position to do this.
He's always been a drinker and really nasty to me but never said anything like this to the girls before.

What Grumpy said about. I didn't want my DD to think that men were allowed to behave like this, and it not have consequences. Sounds like you are in a good position to leave. My XH was not fully committed to the marriage. He's no happier without me though. Funny that. Some blokes are just destined to be unhappy, but you don't have to let them inflict it on you and DD. Good luck.

Yes. Your husband did say this to hurt your daughter. And he would have. He has possibly caused serious damage to your daughter with his horrible words. But staying will only make it worse for your daughter. Because no matter how much you might try and tell her otherwise, she'll think you condone his comments if you stay. Please, please leave! Please put your child first in this situation! Ahead of your need to stay with this horrible man. And definitely ahead of any of his needs.

@FreeBritnee

Do you think he’ll even remember what he did/said in the morning?

As a recovering alcoholic myself, I think he will remember, but will claim not to. What is the chance he will stop drinking? A lot of bitterness and nastiness actually comes from the despair of alcohol, if he recovers he quite likely will be a different person. He will be full of regrets, but also may have some gratitude and appreciation. He certainly will be more pleasant to live wit. Maybe this will be his moment of epiphany?

Pretty much the worst thing anyone could say to their own child. And it’s something she’ll remember, forever. Not just a nasty throwaway comment that will be forgotten, that’ll live with her well into adulthood and possibly her whole life.

Today, book a session at your local family law solicitor. Because if you do so after Christmas, you’ll be hanging on a phone queue for aaages.

Likely you’ll get to see someone in the NY/January, so the heat of what has just happened will have passed. Use this cooling off period to make notes of what has happened in the past & journal what is happening now because the proverbial cat is out the bag, what has been said cannot be retracted & we are cruising into Christmas. Likely things will escalate because…

The solicitor will advise you about what grounds for divorce AND where you stand financially. This is just advice, you do not have to instruct the solicitor to proceed. The advice will inform your decision making & pave your path with fact rather than fear of the unknown.

Get through Christmas as best you can. It is the last one he will have with you & your family. Enjoy what you have, get out for fresh air & mood busting walks. Do not let him hijack your family Christmas. Let him sit in a drunken stupor if that is the best he can be. Any escalation, he leaves. Anything physical, call the police.

Womens Aid always for sensible advice.

When he says he’ll be better off on his own, show him the door.. Get up, go to the door & pull it wide open for him.

@Cimone are you for real?

This man is an abusive, alcoholic prick who said unimaginably cruel things to his own daughter. And you are blaming her?

She was probably winding him up but to teach her a lesson by telling her those things? Fucking unbelievable.

Op - now's the time to protect your children and yourself. Do not minimise what he said.

Your daughter will never forget those words. Stand by your daughter. Let her know that no one, especially her father, speaks to her that way.

I would see this as a good opportunity to show your dd exactly how to respond to abusive behaviour.
What a terrible thing to say to the poor girl. How in earth will she get over that?
No brainer - you absolutely have to leave him.

Teens a year or so from adulthood are not babies. They have the mouths to dish out crap, they need to have the spine to take it. I am very serious. This is how the real world is. Nobody gives a shit about you but your mother. If you are gonna be out here talking mess to adult men and women, be prepared to get your butt ripped to shreds. Nobody cares about your feelings but Mommy, as is evidenced in this post. This kid mouthed off to the wrong person at the wrong time, and got her butt told off. I do not feel sorry for her.

What I am concerned about is the mother tolerating drunken abusive behavior for the duration of the marriage. That is a different issue though and has nothing to do with the daughter and her mouth.

I don’t see this as a parenting difference. You’re excusing an abusive drunk. And you don’t teach respectful behaviour by behaving with zero respect for your children.

@Cimone

Teens a year or so from adulthood are not babies. They have the mouths to dish out crap, they need to have the spine to take it. I am very serious. This is how the real world is. Nobody gives a shit about you but your mother. If you are gonna be out here talking mess to adult men and women, be prepared to get your butt ripped to shreds. Nobody cares about your feelings but Mommy, as is evidenced in this post. This kid mouthed off to the wrong person at the wrong time, and got her butt told off. I do not feel sorry for her.

What I am concerned about is the mother tolerating drunken abusive behavior for the duration of the marriage. That is a different issue though and has nothing to do with the daughter and her mouth.

Yeah, that’s not my real world.

Mouthy teenagers are not victims. LOLOLOL!!! She could dish it out but when the REVERSE got fired on her, you want to coddle her like she is an innocent babe??? FOH.

Shrug. This is also not your letter.

Jeez @cimone are you OK hun??

Think you need help yourself!!

Make your dd understand that this was just the final straw when you leave him. You don’t want her to think it was her fault for splitting up the family. Also help her understand he doesn’t mean it but obviously it’s not acceptable.

Good luck with your new happy life.

@Cimone please stop derailing the thread with your support for the abuse of a 14 year old. It isn't you who is going to live with the legacy of the cruelty of the drunk father, it is OP and her daughter. You've said your piece, now do the OP a favour and move on.

@Cimone
Please don't bring your daddy issues to this thread. Yep it's fine to deal with teenagers BA chat but not by telling them they were never wanted. Words run deep and stuff like that is damage

Don't be daft love. My dh is black and he grew up in Brooklyn where his family still live. My dh is a fantastic parent. He's emphatic, kind and patient. He doesn't whip their asses with a wooden spoon when they step out of line. He parents by example.

Argh, posted too soon.

Meant to say it's damaging.
I think that what you might want to take from this thread is that your sense of what's ok clearly isn't ok and it's time for you @Cimone to address some
Deep rooted issues and beliefs.
Op- stay strong and leave for you and your kids. This won't ever get better

Your poor DD, awful thing for a parent to say. He was drunk, no excuse I know for most parents to say such an awful thing, but he was drunk. Discuss when he is sober, he needs to apologise to DD. Don’t make any rash decisions OP, bide your time.