Husband told dd he wish he had never had her

[Chohlin654]

DD (14) was winding her Dad up last night. He'd had a lot to drink, he had been out for 9 hours drinking. It was something he should have laughed off but because of drink, took her serious.
He told her to shut her mouth and he wished she had never been born. He never wanted her and regretted meeting me etc. Would rather be on his own etc. He really went off on one. He was sending lovely messages up until 15 minutes before, is it something he's been harbouring for a long time, I wonder?
DD was so upset and went upto bed, he went to sleep. We have been out all day with younger dd and he's been in the pub, he's now in bed pissed. I really need to leave him don't I? I think I may be finally in a position to do this.
He's always been a drinker and really nasty to me but never said anything like this to the girls before.

@Cimone You aren't 'presenting a different view of the situation' you're being vile about a 14-year old girl who was verbally and emotionally abused by her alcoholic father. She was raised in a home with a drunk as a father figure and she's 14-in the peak of adolescence with hormones and heightened emotions a few days before Christmas. Until you've lived with abusive parents you've no understanding of how it affects the soul.

@Viviennemary You never fail to post something sexist or misogynistic or victim blaming or something that sounds like it originated in the caveman era. If MN could give annual prizes for the most bizarre interpretation of threads you'd wi.n

I'd get the locks changed whilst he is at the pub. Gets bolts on doors too. Make him go to a travel Inn. Don't let him sit down to Xmas dinner with the dd he abused so cruelly. Get legal advise asap. Phone for appointment immediately as solicitors get busy in New Year.

Your DH sounds like pathetic alcoholic who makes for an abusive dad, and I feel sorry for your children if you can’t protect them from him. Sorry to put it like that but that’s what any normal person will be thinking even if they won’t say it to your face.

I was a shit as a teenager and I got bollocked for it but my parents didn’t say anything to me which would scar me for life FFS. It is not normal.

Sorry that was meant to be a report not a post. I'll have to report myself now.

As a recovering alcoholic myself, I think he will remember, but will claim not to.
What is the chance he will stop drinking? A lot of bitterness and nastiness actually comes from the despair of alcohol, if he recovers he quite likely will be a different person. He will be full of regrets, but also may have some gratitude and appreciation. He certainly will be more pleasant to live wit. Maybe this will be his moment of epiphany?

And may even it won't.

Stop encouraging op to stick around for more of this abuse of her and now her daughters.

Ot's not just the drink, he says regularly what hed be doing if he was single without kids; he thinks been leg shackled, he thinks he shouldn't have gotten married and had kids, he wants "freedom", sounds like they've split before but got back together mainly due to financial setup ..... this "man" is a Peter pan, eternal bachelor type who.diesbt really want to be there (he's delusional but thats another story).

Let him go and drink himself into a stupor on the reg, let him verbally abuse whoever has the misfortune to be in his radius when drunk ... they will become less and less over time.

Tell her she should never have had HIM, she deserved and deserves a lovely dad. Tell him he will end up old and alone.

He doesnt deserve a partner and children.

Maybe his children should tell him they wish someone else was their Dad, they wish he hadn't fathered them. That's what he deserves.

You will do your daughter such a massive Favour to show her that's no way to be treated.

Pack his bags & back your daughter

My mum said this to me once. 30 years later I have abandonment issues and am unable to love myself. I've never felt wanted. If anybody say's anything nice to me I instantly dismiss it. I hope you're daughter is ok.

Your past was financial dependence on an abusive alcoholic, with a helpless child.

Your present is the realisation that this must change, because he never will. He's told you what he thinks of you and your did. You're now having the conversation with yourself (and us!).

Your future? Well, if you stay, she won't. It'll be you and him - for life. She'll be off as soon as she can, to escape him, because children spread their wings.

If you split with him, you'll have a happier healthier home with her, processing what he is, what he said.

And your own money. That matters.

did = DD!

I've just re read and see you have two daughters, one 14 and a younger girl too. Adolescence is a super challenging time for all and the parents' job is to be the adults and guide and support them as they cope with these physical, emotional and neurological shifts they're going through. If one of the adults is incapable through choosing to drug themselves into a coma with aggression along the way, he's not fit for purpose. It's likely to continue as DD2 goes through adolescence too, and his dependence on booze tightens its grip. It's a volatile situation.

Hope the door hits him on the way out. What a horrible, pathetic excuse for a father.

Good riddance to him OP. You and your girls will be much happier without this waste of space.

@SocialConnection

I've just re read and see you have two daughters, one 14 and a younger girl too. Adolescence is a super challenging time for all and the parents' job is to be the adults and guide and support them as they cope with these physical, emotional and neurological shifts they're going through. If one of the adults is incapable through choosing to drug themselves into a coma with aggression along the way, he's not fit for purpose. It's likely to continue as DD2 goes through adolescence too, and his dependence on booze tightens its grip. It's a volatile situation.

This.

An argument of sobe sort happened between a 14 yr old girl, and a drunk man who'd been at the pub all say.

Who holds responsibility there; the sober 14 yr old child with a drunk man in their home?

I can imagine how that unfolded: drunks are very easy indeed to get into arguments with, if you can't leave the sane space.

Abd on top of that he absolutely crossed the line with what he said. You just do not say something like that. You are rge mature adult, act like one.

It fits in the context of nasty, abusive statements to op as well. The problem is clearly him, not anyone else.

There is an element of truth in what Cimone writes. This is not in any way to defend or excuse the DF's response.

It's a valuable lesson to learn that you can't just kick off in the real adult world without consequences. As a teen she needs to start understanding that now otherwise she'll quickly come unstuck.

You are defending it.

And your take is completely wrong.

Ops dh is a nasty drunk, I'm sure anything his child said was probably justified. In response he showed himself to be unfit to be a parent.

Not that he wasbt already showing himself unfit to be a parent with his alcohol abuse &verbal abuse of their mother.

Throw this nasty losef back in the sea he so clearly thinks he should be swimming free in.

Let the bar staff, bouncers, any unfortunate members of his family, any unfortunate ate partner he pulls til they realise what he's like etc deal with his alcohol problem and bile; he'll get short thrift.

Oh and I've seen what it's like when a forty plus alcoholic who likes to abuse ppl when drunk tries to find a new partner.

Mostly anyone they're hung for is old enough to know better then see a little bit of it and they run like fuck.

The only person they'll get is another dysfunctional, disordered, often alcoholic person; which becomes a sad cluster fuck.

my dad said thos to me when I was 8, or a bit older. I was in bits, and told my stepmum. he approached me later, and explained (very nicely) that I must have imagined it. I apologied to my stepmum, who retorted 'fat lot of good that is now'. I will never forget it..please leave