DH using cam girls

[Teaaddict39]

I was recently using my DH's tablet to do some online shopping and I stumbled across an open tab which seemed to imply my DH had paid for a "private show" on a well known cam site.

I asked him about it and he got all embarrassed before finally admitting that he's done this a few times. I know DH enjoys porn and this doesn't bother me, however, I was shocked to find out he'd been paying cam girls, it just felt like a line had been crossed.

To be fair, he was open and honest and after talking for a while he also confessed that he regularly purchases tokens on other adult sites in order to view the girls' private galleries. He assured me that he loves me and this is all just a fantasy and I do believe him. I'm just not sure that I am okay with it. He's told me he's stopped and won't do it again and I'm trying to put this to the back of my mind.

I want to get over this, but I am struggling to work my feelings out

Am I overreacting? Do most men do this? Or am I right to feel a bit put out? Any perspective would be gratefully appreciated. Xx

Not acceptable for me OP. He'll do it again, this is a habit. Good luck.

@signalstation he said that since DC he has felt unsatisfied in bed. I asked why as from my point of view and he said he couldn't explain it, things just weren't the same.

I burst out crying and he apologised and said he'd do anything to save our marriage.

Eventually, I got round to asking if cam shows were the extent of this. He said he'd never met anyone for sex but he did say he had been for a couple of massages which had resulted in "happy endings".

I'm so angry and devastated at the same time. I've told him we will get through Christmas for the DCs as they are so so excited this year but that we should separate in the New Year. I'm hoping the next few weeks will also give me a chance to sort my own feelings out which at the moment are just a jumbled mess.

Thank you for all the love and support so far. Xx

No he's crossed a line. In my opinion porn is fine but using or paying for anything responsive is wrong

Oh @Teaaddict39 I'm so, so sorry. I don't see how you could come back from this and how he thinks he could possibly fix this.

Does he somehow think the 'happy endings' weren't cheating because it wasn't piv sex or something? What an absolute cunt.

He said he'd never met anyone for sex but he did say he had been for a couple of massages which had resulted in "happy endings".

Fk.

I didn't want to out mor distress on you, but I I wondering if there was more with this man, who's buying sex workers pics and having cam sex sessions with them.

Well, for the very few posters who said it'd not cheating because ots not physical; he has physically cheated too.

Op, I think it's absolute bullshit about being dissatisfied with your sex life, which is why he can't even specify one thing, can inly say vague things things. He's just grasping for something to blame your sex life, to sto himself from being thrown out, and to rewrite history so he looks and feels like less of a bastard.

He had options if he truly was dissatisfied (dint believe it), options other than cheating on you with sex workers.

So dissatisfied but never said one word about it til after he was caught??!!

When further information comes out like this along the way, e.g. he's now admitted to massages with 'happy endings', it can often be a sign that he's not revealing the full truth.
You may never know the full truth, or he might indeed now have disclosed everything, but you'll never know for sure. That doubt can gnaw away at you.
I am so sorry you are experiencing this. Just know that the way you describe you are feeling is completely normal.

he did say he had been for a couple of massages which had resulted in "happy endings".

You also have to wonder if that's underpaying what he's done, or even if it isnt; whether he'd have been escalating to more in time/with experience.

If the above is true, he already looks up, books abd frequents massage parlours that are essentially brothels. Those places are on the sex industry/brothel trail, as it were. They are sex industry establishments, not in any way normal massage services ... not much of a leap to go to full brothels or, as is moreboften the case due to our laws, women operating out of flats etc. area get through adult work etc.

*arranged through adultwork

You don't even need to sign up to Adultwork, you can just view the prostitutes' profiles and pick up their mobile numbers from there. Anyone can do it. A curious bloody ten-year-old could do it.

I'd be asking him for a detailed breakdown of his phone list at this point. If he wants to 'save' your marriage he will have to supply it. Be aware of the possibility he had a dedicated phone or SIM purely for his activities.

Your h is increasingly sounding like a "punter".

If his value system means that if he's sexually dissatisfied (which I dont believe was, he just wants to be sexual work more than one woman) he goes behind hos partner's back and pays for cam sex, and has hand jobs at massage parlours/brothels; he's a punter. That's his mentality and modus operandi. You could never have changed that and you can't change it going forward.

If you separate and he gets into new relationships he'll always be a potential punter, especially when the honeymoon period wears off. He will always be a risk for that behaviour, no matter who's he's with.

Somewhere inside he thinks he's entitled, he's thinks it's OK, and he doesn't have the integrity not to do it, and doesn't have the balls to end the relationship.

If he's truly the sort of person who can't feel sexually the same about their partner after she's had his children, then he's pathetic, not a family man, and the best thing that can ve said about him is that hes be better in a relationship where he has no kids with his partner (though I still think the possibility of sex industry involvement would be ever present with him).

So sorry you're going through this op.

While it may not seem like it at this time, it's a good thing he told you about the massage parlours hand jobs (if that's truly all) because now you know its not "just" no contact cam sex etc.

What happened to the shame associated with visiting a brothel? A swanky one bed new-built apartment opposite Waitrose used by a prostitute for 'massage' is still the same as visiting a brothel in my opinion.

@Allsortsofroses you sound like you know what you are talking about. Do you have direct experience of this?

He said he'd never met anyone for sex but he did say he had been for a couple of massages which had resulted in "happy endings".

@Teaaddict39 Wow OP. So sorry you're going through this. Well done for telling him he has to find somewhere else to live next year. Please stay firm about that. He is effectively using prostitutes, and will probably go further into that (if he hasn't already.)

I can imagine he might try and claim he's a 'sex addict' as a get out of jail free card to make you feel sorry for him and feel you have to stay with him. If he comes out with that I suggest not falling for it.

You can't trust him at all.

You don't even need to sign up to Adultwork, you can just view the prostitutes' profiles and pick up their mobile numbers from there. Anyone can do it. A curious bloody ten-year-old could do it.

I got the impression appointments at massage parlours were managed, as ot were, through central number/s but yeah its possible the women working there take bookings individually too. There are sometimes pimps involved in those places, I saw from UK punting.

In any case, the point remains the same; he has established himself using sexual services, not a huge leap into full prostitute use.

Oh sorry I thought you were referring to booking massage parlours through adultwork, you mean prostitutes.

Yes, though their numbers are often not numbers for an individual prostitute; pimps and others use them to book several prostitutes. Customers sometimes don't even get the woman they (thought) they booked.

UK punting is a very eye opening site.

It’s not your job to tolerate or be “okay” with this if you’re not. Why must women always compromise like it’s our job? It’s not your fault your “dh” can’t stop perving over cam girls when he has a wife. Can’t do it well guess what be single or find someone who doesn’t care. He’s wasted your time all these years by being dishonest.

I don't know you or your husband but I think your marriage is worth saving. I can understand how hurt you must feel but life can be hard to deal with sometimes , sometimes impossibly so. I had to tell a guy his wife had just died but his baby was OK. His life has changed immeasurably but he owes it to his daughter to pick up the pieces. You have a chance, don't let it go. Just my opinion.

@Pyewackect so because another persons wife died OP should be ok with her husband paying for sex acts?

@Pyewackect Wow. Have you seen OP's more recent updates? I don't think many women would stay with a prostitute-visiting husband.

@Alphavilla

How about you Facetime Dave from accounts, get naked and enjoy a mutual wank and see if your DH has no objection? 🤔

Exactly

[quote me4real]@Pyewackect Wow. Have you seen OP's more recent updates? I don't think many women would stay with a prostitute-visiting husband.[/quote]
Yes I read her last update. Divorce affects children. I should know. And as I said, it's just my opinion.

[quote girlmom21]@Pyewackect so because another persons wife died OP should be ok with her husband paying for sex acts? [/quote]
She didn't just die, believe me.

What a fucking revolting specimen...

There's absolutely no way I would stay with someone who risked transmitting STDs to me for the sake of "variety" 🤢🤢

There was nothing wrong with your sex life OP, he's just a scummy cunt...

@Pyewackect get off the crackpipe, ffs.

Yes I read her last update. Divorce affects children. I should know. And as I said, it's just my opinion

So what if divorce affects children? So does their mother staying in an unhappy marriage where her self worth is slowly eroded. And I say that as someone whose parents divorced when I was a child.