DH using cam girls

[Teaaddict39]

I was recently using my DH's tablet to do some online shopping and I stumbled across an open tab which seemed to imply my DH had paid for a "private show" on a well known cam site.

I asked him about it and he got all embarrassed before finally admitting that he's done this a few times. I know DH enjoys porn and this doesn't bother me, however, I was shocked to find out he'd been paying cam girls, it just felt like a line had been crossed.

To be fair, he was open and honest and after talking for a while he also confessed that he regularly purchases tokens on other adult sites in order to view the girls' private galleries. He assured me that he loves me and this is all just a fantasy and I do believe him. I'm just not sure that I am okay with it. He's told me he's stopped and won't do it again and I'm trying to put this to the back of my mind.

I want to get over this, but I am struggling to work my feelings out

Am I overreacting? Do most men do this? Or am I right to feel a bit put out? Any perspective would be gratefully appreciated. Xx

Hi everyone, thank you all for the support. Nothing has changed at all as I have been really unwell with a stomach ulcer and haven't had the energy to deal with anything. I've barely made it out of bed. I'm sure it must be stress taking its toll. I'm hoping to be able to see things more clearly when I'm recovered. I feel bloody terrible and am zapped of all energy

Sorry to hear you have been so poorly

So sorry to hear you’re so poorly. Just concentrate on getting better, everything else can wait. 💐

To be fair, he was open and honest

He was anything but "open & honest".
All he has done is admit the least he can get away with ... AFTER you found out what he's been doing.

He's told me he's stopped and won't do it again

How convenient. Just as you found him out - he's ready to stop paying women to jerk off over their bodies. What a saint amongst men he is.

He's just going to get more sneaky about hiding it OP.
He feels entitled to use women's bodies, for money.
You are not over-reacting, & have every right to be very angry.

Thank you all for your honest replies so far, you have given me a lot to think about. I have told one friend in real life and she said I was massively overreacting and pretty much had a go at me for even considering ending such a good marriage because of a bit of "online fun". That made me feel really shit.

Your "friend" - & the other one with a similar viewpoint - can fuck off as well.
Their internalised misogyny & complacent blind eye to the sex industry is NOT your problem.

As to DH - now we know the housing situation ... he's about to lose his golden goose. He's panicking & telling you what he thinks you want to hear.
Being sexually unsatisfied is never an 'excuse' to pay sex workers FFS. His entitlement is revolting.

@Teaaddict39 It will doubtless be the stress and I hope you soon start to feel better although stomach ulcers can take a while.

I really really hope you do not decide to stay with this person. I've been where you are now and have come out through the other side. If you stay, life will be limited and joyless for you. You will never again be able to have a close physical relationship with this person. You will become cautious, untrusting, nervous. Your MH will deteriorate.

If you leave, the world will slowly start coming into focus for you.

You can do this.

Thank you for your support @quietinhere ❤

Sorry to heat that. Get well and feel better soon.