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Original poster

Left out at work

206 replies

jingleballs22 · 01/12/2021 05:47

Hi I'm going to get straight to the point with this as I am in work so don't have time to write everything down .

Last year my married boss had feelings for me . Would message all the time , buy me gifts and was open about his feelings . Him and his wife don't get on at all . I know this as I have heard the way she speaks to him and he is a lovely man .

I developed feelings for him so we stopped working together because obviously it's wrong and there's was a lot of guilt there .

Last Christmas his wife messaged my partner and said we have been having an affair for years . We have not . We haven't done anything apart from discuss our feelings and then left it there .

His wife wanted me sacked and told me I had to leave but I wouldn't because I have done nothing wrong .

She's basically made my working life hell . I am not allowed to contact my boss for anything or go to our office . This has been for a whole year . Not allowed on work gatherings either

One of the women who work with us messaged me saying about our Xmas party this year which I was excited about going to because o have not seen anyone as not allowed .

I then text my boss mother who said I am not allowed to attend the Xmas party . Have I got any right to be sad about this or do you think this is what I deserve ?

OP posts:
HeartsAndClubs · 01/12/2021 05:51

Assuming your boss owns the company I would look for another job.

If he doesn’t, he or his mother? Confused don’t have the right to tell you you’re “not allowed,” to the party, and i would just ignore them.

Original poster
jingleballs22 · 01/12/2021 05:53

Thankyou so much for replying. Yes he does own the company. His wife has also took me off all work social media so Iv got no contact with work at all

OP posts:
PreparationPreparationPrep · 01/12/2021 05:55

It sounds like they are freezing you out rather than go through the legalities of sacking you. I would like for another job - you can't carry on like this.

PaterPower · 01/12/2021 09:03

They’re on thin ice with the way they’re treating you - I’m not a solicitor, but I’d think you’ve got to have reasonable grounds here for constructive dismissal if they’re creating such a poisonous atmosphere for you in the workplace.

IMO if it’s become too much for you to stay then you should speak to a specialist solicitor and consider taking them to a tribunal.

The ethical questions around whether you should or shouldn’t have flirted with your boss etc isn’t relevant to your employment rights.

Gwennid · 01/12/2021 09:43

Well you do need to leave OP for your own sake, are you staying out of stubbornness or because you can't get another job?

If his wife posted on here (perhaps she has) she would get a lot of sympathy.

Original poster
jingleballs22 · 01/12/2021 10:51

I have been told by so many people to take them to court and I'm sure that's what they are worried about too because I still have all the messages saved . Only reason why I don't is because I don't want to hurt them . But I am not liking the way they are treating me at all when I have done nothing wrong . The only reason why I have stayed is because my partner is making me . He keeps saying don't give them what they want. I actually miss my work friends . And I know she would get a lot of sympathy on here if she wrote on here but that's not my problem . It's her marriage and not mine .

OP posts:
percythewitch · 01/12/2021 10:56

Only reason why I don't is because I don't want to hurt them

But they are fine with hurting you.
Why is it OK for them?

girlmom21 · 01/12/2021 10:57

Is this his family business? If so, I'd leave.
I'm only assuming it is because you texted his mother.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 01/12/2021 10:59

I'm also wondering if this is a family business otherwise why would you text his mother.

But yes, you need to leave really. And not flirt with your new boss.

HundredMilesAnHour · 01/12/2021 11:03

You don't want to hurt them? This is business. Sounds like both you and them are treating this as some sort of personal relationship when actually it's not. You're an employee. They're your employer. Get legal advice and go down the legal route. They're not allowed to exclude you like this. It's bullying. Think about what the best outcome is for you. YOU. Not them. You need to prioritise yourself.

ANameChangeAgain · 01/12/2021 11:22

They're not bothered about hurting you, are they!
You need to take this to a solicitor or employment advisor. He approached you, sent you gifts, messages etc, then frozen you out because his wife didn't like it. He showed inappropriate behaviour as the boss. What actually happened when you developed feelings? If it was just a case of you having a talk about it and saying its no go, then his behaviour towards you is appalling. You could frame it as you turned him down so he froze you out.

Sonaftersonafterson · 01/12/2021 11:23

You havent done anything wrong, but come on OP. How would you like that? If you were the wife? She is probably deeply hurt, embarrassed, humiliated that this has happened. Awful for her. Seriously, do you want this drama? Be respectful and just get another job.

BobLemon · 01/12/2021 11:40

How many employees does the business have?

HollowTalk · 01/12/2021 11:43

It's strange your partner wants you to stay. Has he seen the messages?

girlmom21 · 01/12/2021 11:48

@HollowTalk

It's strange your partner wants you to stay. Has he seen the messages?
I agree with this. It ventured into EA territory.
Justilou1 · 01/12/2021 11:51

Fuck that! Go to ACAS!!!

IncompleteSenten · 01/12/2021 11:52

In what capacity is his wife employed by the company?

Look, you have been made the bad guy. Nobody has your back here. You owe them nothing. I would talk to acas about it and fight back.

TorringtonDean · 01/12/2021 12:00

So the boss harassed you, pursued you, gave you gifts that won over your feelings and then dumped you and sidelined you when he was caught. He treated you like a plaything. I’d say you have a case. Yes.

RB68 · 01/12/2021 12:07

You need to pursue this legally in my view and find yourself another job.

nocnoc · 01/12/2021 12:12

You’ve put up with this bullying for a year!!! This is constructive dismissal. Go see ACAS, citizens advice and an employment solicitor. This is not ok. Does the wife work there?

Thelnebriati · 01/12/2021 12:17

It sounds like you are caught up in a fucked up couples drama. He pretends to cheat and she kicks off. If his wife really doesn't understand him and is so horrible, why does he stay?
Talk to ACAS and work out how to leave.

Last year my married boss had feelings for me . Would message all the time , buy me gifts and was open about his feelings.

  • Your boss sexually harassed you at work.

Him and his wife don't get on at all.

  • Mm hmm.

I know this as I have heard the way she speaks to him and he is a lovely man.

  • He's a married man who messaged you at work incessantly until you responded. Stop being a mug!
Viviennemary · 01/12/2021 12:45

You knew your boss was married. You should not have been accepting gifts. If you feel you havd been wronged then speak to ACAS and see what they advise. In your position I would cut my losses and look for a new job.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 01/12/2021 12:51

It's basically constructive dismissal I would think. I'd get some legal advice and look for another job.

Original poster
jingleballs22 · 01/12/2021 13:37

Thankyou all so much for your replies . It was really odd how it happened . Sometimes he made me feel obligated to go along with his feelings because I was worried he would not be fair with me regarding my holidays ect . And when he mentioned his feelings I did actually feel really akward . He even booked a weekend away for the two of us and told me the day before ! Obviously I told him to cancel it . I do feel for his wife . I know it's not nice but she hates me from the very start . Made things hard for me . It's his fathers fathers business but both he and his mother run it . Him and his wife have twins and have been together for 19 years . So I really don't want to go down the route of going to court because if they end up separating over it it will be my fault

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 01/12/2021 13:42

Your fault? Don't be ridiculous. It would be his fault for sexually harassing a member of staff.

You're being incredibly passive in this and I think you're under reacting hugely.

It's a strong contender for constructive dismissal and you'd be sensible to pursue that through ACAS rather than continuing this frankly mental situation.

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