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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Left out at work

206 replies

jingleballs22 · 01/12/2021 05:47

Hi I'm going to get straight to the point with this as I am in work so don't have time to write everything down .

Last year my married boss had feelings for me . Would message all the time , buy me gifts and was open about his feelings . Him and his wife don't get on at all . I know this as I have heard the way she speaks to him and he is a lovely man .

I developed feelings for him so we stopped working together because obviously it's wrong and there's was a lot of guilt there .

Last Christmas his wife messaged my partner and said we have been having an affair for years . We have not . We haven't done anything apart from discuss our feelings and then left it there .

His wife wanted me sacked and told me I had to leave but I wouldn't because I have done nothing wrong .

She's basically made my working life hell . I am not allowed to contact my boss for anything or go to our office . This has been for a whole year . Not allowed on work gatherings either

One of the women who work with us messaged me saying about our Xmas party this year which I was excited about going to because o have not seen anyone as not allowed .

I then text my boss mother who said I am not allowed to attend the Xmas party . Have I got any right to be sad about this or do you think this is what I deserve ?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 03/12/2021 13:49

@jingleballs22

TheRigatonini and also just to add I don't have a hatred of women . I have a hall teed of women who are key board warriors
I am really curious as to what your job actually is.
Nanny0gg · 03/12/2021 13:50

Cross-post.

I don't have a problem with typos. Easy to do with a phone.

But to have to look up misogynistic in this day and age does surprise me.

I still have no idea why you continue to work there.

lovemelongtime · 03/12/2021 14:36

So this thread has annoyed me so much - get back to the basics. the OP works in a solicitors - they have banned her from attending hte office or any work related social events. All because the "Boss"/Owner flirted with her.

Absolute disgrace and a walk in the park for any Employee Relations solicitors - constructive dismissal written all over it.

Either leave now and get a job you deserve with a company that values you or stay and suck up more of that crap.

I think I know which I would do - its disgraceful they treat you like this, but also you shouldnt let them walk all over you.

Good luck

girlmom21 · 03/12/2021 14:41

When this happened it was one way do I was not lying to him !!!! It was months after and us spending a lot of time together that I thought I had feelings for him and the subject at home was and never has been brought up since so I am not lying to him .

So he's never told you to stay since? So...leave...

Monalotmoore · 03/12/2021 16:09

Hopefully you will go ahead with tribunal. The fact he even asked you if you were going to take it to court is a clear admission on his part that he knew what they were doing could land him in serious trouble if you did decide to go to court.

Didimum · 03/12/2021 16:52

"Just she took an instant dislike to me and is very rude because she comes from money ."

Where on earth is this statement coming from? She dislikes you and is rude to you because her husband indulged in an emotional affair with you and you reciprocated You reciprocated by telling him you had feelings for him. It doesn't matter how minimal or fleeting you think that is, because, the only correct response to him should have been 'This is inappropriate and I am not discussing it with you' regardless of whether you had feelings for him or not.

dustandfluf · 03/12/2021 17:34

@Nanny0gg

Cross-post.

I don't have a problem with typos. Easy to do with a phone.

But to have to look up misogynistic in this day and age does surprise me.

I still have no idea why you continue to work there.

Oh don't worry they were 'taking the piss' when they said that 😂
Hattiehoops · 03/12/2021 18:03

I wondered what job role OP has too - no grasp on basic grammar and can’t put forward tangible arguments. Can’t be a solicitor haha.

Stonerosie67 · 03/12/2021 18:11

I wondered what job role OP has too - no grasp on basic grammar and can’t put forward tangible arguments. Can’t be a solicitor haha

This! Her posts are making my eyes itch!

Kennykenkencat · 03/12/2021 19:48

I can’t believe the abuse you are getting on here.

It’s as though posters are having difficulty in reading and making stuff up to suit their own narrative

thenewduchessofhastings · 03/12/2021 19:51

If nothing else find a new job to get yourself away from this family.

Monalotmoore · 03/12/2021 19:52

@Kennykenkencat

I can’t believe the abuse you are getting on here.

It’s as though posters are having difficulty in reading and making stuff up to suit their own narrative

You obviously didn't see the thread about a husband going off sex and the entire forum decided it was because he was a porn addict and ran with that narrative for days, even though op never once even mentioned porn or said it was a factor. She never returned again unsurprisingly lol
Kennykenkencat · 03/12/2021 20:19

Monalotmoore

Sometimes I think I am reading a different thread.

Bluntness100 · 03/12/2021 20:26

@Kennykenkencat

I can’t believe the abuse you are getting on here.

It’s as though posters are having difficulty in reading and making stuff up to suit their own narrative

No one likes the other woman on here. If the man was posting he’d also be lynched, but a woman in a relationship telling her married boss she fancies him and has feelings for him, then declaring her disdain for the wife, how she could split them up, have him whenever she wishes, making envious comments about the wife’s financial back ground, stating she’s no sympathy for her, telling how she lied to her partner, whilst bleating she’s not allowed back into her old office, how she can’t go to that branches Xmas party, even though she’s in a branch twenty miles away, and has been for a year, calling him her boss, even though he’s not, is never ever going to go down well on here.

I’m surprised actually any posters are supporting her. I really am.

Original poster
jingleballs22 · 03/12/2021 20:30

@Hattiehoops

I wondered what job role OP has too - no grasp on basic grammar and can’t put forward tangible arguments. Can’t be a solicitor haha.
Ha ha ha I went to uni for years to get my degree . I'm sorry im not up to your standards in the world of 'texting' what job do you do op ? Before you try belittling me ?
OP posts:
Original poster
jingleballs22 · 03/12/2021 20:31

@Kennykenkencat

I can’t believe the abuse you are getting on here.

It’s as though posters are having difficulty in reading and making stuff up to suit their own narrative

Thankyou ! I can mind . People Go on line mostly to bully . These people wouldn't say boo to a goose in real life
OP posts:
Original poster
jingleballs22 · 03/12/2021 20:35

@Didimum

"Just she took an instant dislike to me and is very rude because she comes from money ."

Where on earth is this statement coming from? She dislikes you and is rude to you because her husband indulged in an emotional affair with you and you reciprocated You reciprocated by telling him you had feelings for him. It doesn't matter how minimal or fleeting you think that is, because, the only correct response to him should have been 'This is inappropriate and I am not discussing it with you' regardless of whether you had feelings for him or not.

I seriously am struggling to get it through to some of you people .I don't know why I'm still bothering to waste my time saying the same thing ! Listen now , this was years before any feelings were involved . She doesn't like anyone . She's rude to most people and no one in the office likes her because of it . Example For you when I say comes from money . A work colleague lives in a normal bit of the city . She lives in the posh part . She then called college dull and common just because she judged her on where she lives . Get me now ?
OP posts:
Kennykenkencat · 03/12/2021 20:39

Bluntness100
Kennykenkencat
I can’t believe the abuse you are getting on here

It’s as though posters are having difficulty in reading and making stuff up to suit their own narrative

No one likes the other woman on here. If the man was posting he’d also be lynched, but a woman in a relationship telling her married boss she fancies him and has feelings for him, then declaring her disdain for the wife, how she could split them up, have him whenever she wishes, making envious comments about the wife’s financial back ground, stating she’s no sympathy for her, telling how she lied to her partner, whilst bleating she’s not allowed back into her old office, how she can’t go to that branches Xmas party, even though she’s in a branch twenty miles away, and has been for a year, calling him her boss, even though he’s not, is never ever going to go down well on here

I’m surprised actually any posters are supporting her. I really am

Maybe we are reading what has actually been written.

Bluntness100 · 03/12/2021 20:57

Maybe we are reading what has actually been written

Selectively.

Bluntness100 · 03/12/2021 20:58

Ha ha ha I went to uni for years to get my degree

Well it’s three years as standard, what an odd way to put it.

LemonGelato · 03/12/2021 21:54

OP, how long have your worked there? What are the job opportunities for similar role and salary in your area?

I think many posters are not familiar with the dynamics of small family run companies in provincial areas. I am and what you describe - everyone knows everyone, socialise outside of work, get jobs through connections, spouses get involved in the work environment etc is difficult. What you went through (before you 'had feelings') is sexual harassment. The fact you rejected his advances has now made it worse. Being moved offices and not able to go back to the old location or to attend social events is potentially victimisation. The wife's behaviour may be understandable but it's creating a unacceptable working environment for you.

You are being frozen out. There is every chance you will eventually have to leave eventually. If that is the case try to it on your terms and in your own time. Get some HR or legal advice if you can and talk to ACAS if you can't. As solicitors they should know the risks and be open to a better settlement agreement than a months pay. Find a new job and then talk about a compensation payment and an agreed reference. Stop contacting his mother - that will not help matters.

Tell your partner to stay out of it and that you can make your own choices.

MNHQ
LivMumsnet · 03/12/2021 22:04

Ahem.

Can we have a bit of peace and love on here please? Otherwise we're going to have to remove the entire thread.

Thanks.

DixonD · 04/12/2021 00:13

@dustandfluf

I find it very worrying that someone working for a law firm, in any capacity, doesn't know what the word misogynistic means.
And doesn’t know it’s “could HAVE”, not “could OF.”

It’s driving me crazy!

CompetitiveMumming · 04/12/2021 08:25

I don't think anyone is being too mean or troll hunting. And it's not just about the typos, OP, the whole way you present yourself, word choices, arguments, just sounds a bit harsh and not with the nuance I would usually associate with someone writing at graduate standard. And that's what made me wonder how this solicitor operates because usually people working for lawyers are a bit more staid. Is there a cultural thing at play maybe - are you in a family run business from within a particular community, doing immigration for others from your own community? Then I can see how people's mothers, brothers etc could all be involved.

KittenCatcher · 04/12/2021 10:21

I dont think criticisng his wife, saying no one in the office likes her, and giving examples of her behaviour on any social platform will help you if you do decide to take them to a Tribunal. Its very unlrofessional and makes it sound very personal between you and her.