Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Left out at work

206 replies

jingleballs22 · 01/12/2021 05:47

Hi I'm going to get straight to the point with this as I am in work so don't have time to write everything down .

Last year my married boss had feelings for me . Would message all the time , buy me gifts and was open about his feelings . Him and his wife don't get on at all . I know this as I have heard the way she speaks to him and he is a lovely man .

I developed feelings for him so we stopped working together because obviously it's wrong and there's was a lot of guilt there .

Last Christmas his wife messaged my partner and said we have been having an affair for years . We have not . We haven't done anything apart from discuss our feelings and then left it there .

His wife wanted me sacked and told me I had to leave but I wouldn't because I have done nothing wrong .

She's basically made my working life hell . I am not allowed to contact my boss for anything or go to our office . This has been for a whole year . Not allowed on work gatherings either

One of the women who work with us messaged me saying about our Xmas party this year which I was excited about going to because o have not seen anyone as not allowed .

I then text my boss mother who said I am not allowed to attend the Xmas party . Have I got any right to be sad about this or do you think this is what I deserve ?

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 02/12/2021 09:03

They will not split up over this

reasysteady · 02/12/2021 09:12

Just get another job somewhere else and don't ever entertain flirting with your boss again.

I wouldn't bother trying to sue them - you've all behaved appallingly - you I assume are very young and stupid so hopefully you will learn a lesson from all this.
Your boss, his wife and family are presumably old and stupid, and probably it's not the first time he's tried to shag a junior member of staff, so nothing will change.

Just getting another fucking job somewhere else! It's not rocket science!

Original poster
jingleballs22 · 02/12/2021 09:33

@reasysteady

Just get another job somewhere else and don't ever entertain flirting with your boss again.

I wouldn't bother trying to sue them - you've all behaved appallingly - you I assume are very young and stupid so hopefully you will learn a lesson from all this.
Your boss, his wife and family are presumably old and stupid, and probably it's not the first time he's tried to shag a junior member of staff, so nothing will change.

Just getting another fucking job somewhere else! It's not rocket science!

Wow you got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning or are you generally this aggressive ? I did not flirt for starters . And why should I get a new job when I done nothing wrong .
OP posts:
jingleballs22 · 02/12/2021 09:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 02/12/2021 09:58

And why should I get a new job when I done nothing wrong

Because this situation is absolutely not sustainable and will affect your mental health OP.

You can't continue to work in a company you are being ostracised and vilified by a boss who acted entirely inappropriately.

As I said you need to speak to your line manager about this or speak to ACAS about constructive dismissal, or both. Do you feel able to do any of those things?

This is your mental health at stake as well as your livelihood.

girlmom21 · 02/12/2021 10:07

Wow you got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning or are you generally this aggressive ? I did not flirt for starters . And why should I get a new job when I done nothing wrong .

You told your boss you have feelings for him...

You should get a new job because this one will wreck your mental health, your career and your relationship if it continues the way it is.

Original poster
jingleballs22 · 02/12/2021 10:08

@youvegottenminuteslynn

And why should I get a new job when I done nothing wrong

Because this situation is absolutely not sustainable and will affect your mental health OP.

You can't continue to work in a company you are being ostracised and vilified by a boss who acted entirely inappropriately.

As I said you need to speak to your line manager about this or speak to ACAS about constructive dismissal, or both. Do you feel able to do any of those things?

This is your mental health at stake as well as your livelihood.

Thankyou , it has already affected my mental health , not long after it all kicked off I had to go on anxiety tablets
OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 02/12/2021 10:43

I’m struggling with this op. A group of lawyers who are successful enough to run a company with at least two offices are sending you texts to tell you to leave? When they will know full well they could easily jist come up with a performance issue and get rid within weeks? They didn’t need to move you to a new site? Especially as it looks like at th time you were there only a year.

Even as a lay person I know you can put someone in a performance measure and fire if you felt like it. But successful lawyers resorted to threats and moved you to another branch? How very odd.

And why do you keep saying you’ve no contact with work and he’s your boss. Every single day you’ve contact with work and he’s not your boss. And why were you so excited about going to that branches Xmas party? And now complaining to the mother because you want to go?

You’re also writing you can’t go to the office “because you’re not allowed” which indicates you really want to go.

So this isn’t as written is it? There is no way it’s as written.

Alltheblue · 02/12/2021 10:52

And I know she would get a lot of sympathy on here if she wrote on here but that's not my problem . It's her marriage and not mine .

Wow. That's harsh.

Alltheblue · 02/12/2021 10:57

Look, if it's affected your health it has probably affected the health of their marriage and perhaps your boss's wife who doesn't have the option of changing jobs and going anywhere. You've had an emotional affair with her husband which is for some people worse than any other. You do seem remarkably callous but equally your feelings are clearly of no concern to them. Businesses employ problem people, they get rid of them or freeze them out. There is no way for you to win this and it's having you ill. Imo you have no moral right to stay and it's his wife I feel sorry for. Leave.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 02/12/2021 11:10

As I said you need to speak to your line manager about this or speak to ACAS about constructive dismissal, or both. Do you feel able to do any of those things?

Monalotmoore · 02/12/2021 11:15

Why should you get a new job? Because you can't sue them for constructive dismissal until you do. Are you honestly not able to see how much trouble they are in with this? You can wipe the floor with them for what they have done to you but instead you just seem to want to roll over for belly rubs. Woman up and find your anger. You have been treated appallingly!

Darkpheonix · 02/12/2021 11:19

I suspect, that op isn't going to do anything. She is standing her ground, fair enough.

But I also suspect there's quite a bit more to this and it may come out that she hasn't been honest with her partner.

Asi1 · 02/12/2021 11:53

You haven't done anything wrong? Then why haven't you told your husband, your treating him like a cuckold and he deserves the truth.

I suspect you must still have feelings for the this man or more went on that you are not disclosing. Either way, you need to seek legal advice. Your have employee rights and don't need to put up with this treatment.

Something like this happened to me, l would take public transport to work and the driver would flirt with me and l with him, he had a wife. I stopped abd stopped getting on his bus. However, once l started using the bus again it started again and we developed feelings for each other. He never made it explicit and l didn't either but we both knew.

When l was getting married l told him and didn't see him after that. I also told my husband because l didn't want any lies.

His children attended the school l teach at, and his son was always making snide comments and muttering under his breath. I had to speak to him 1:1 and his parents complained. His mother wanted me sacked, l knew it was personal because it was school policy to speak with students away from the rest of the class and her reaction was very ott.

That's when l knew that the husband had either been mentioning me or that he had lied about what had gone on. Making me the bad guy and risking my job to save his ass. His wife obviously knew something. I was made to feel like scum by the school management who made me out as the bad guy.

The best thing l did was cutting him off. You won't be able to get anywhere if you continue to stay there. Take the advice of others for your sake, and the sake of your marriage

Bluntness100 · 02/12/2021 12:24

@Darkpheonix

I suspect, that op isn't going to do anything. She is standing her ground, fair enough.

But I also suspect there's quite a bit more to this and it may come out that she hasn't been honest with her partner.

Cmon of course there is more to it. Lawyers sending texts telling her to quit, when they could get rid easily another way? Bullshit. Lawyers who run a firm and don’t know the law to such a level they don’t know how they can remove someone and think they need to threaten them in writing? Aye that happened.

And she’s all excited about going to the Xmas party, wanting to visit the branch he’s at, calling that branch her work even though she works twenty miles away, texting the mother so she can go to the party he will be at, calling him her boss, when he’s not, her boss is her supervisor at the location she works at.

So yeah there is more to this.

Did you get an inappropriate crush on him op?

So yeah there is more to this.

KittenCatcher · 02/12/2021 12:40

Its weird that a firm of solicitors dont know anything about employment and harrassment law. Its also a bit weird that they all seem to have so many phone numbers and text each other and their partners.

girlmom21 · 02/12/2021 12:52

@KittenCatcher

Its weird that a firm of solicitors dont know anything about employment and harrassment law. Its also a bit weird that they all seem to have so many phone numbers and text each other and their partners.
And the bosses mother Grin
KittenCatcher · 02/12/2021 14:12

girlmom21, it sounds a strange place to work where op is in the office before 6am.

Original poster
jingleballs22 · 02/12/2021 14:49

I'm so confused right now . He is the boss ! The boss of the company ! He runs at for his father who is dying . His mother is the manager ! Who I was friends with before I even started work for them . Me and his mother are still really close now but I have tried to limit contact because I know I need to cut ties with the family . As for calling my original office my office it is ! I have been there years and I am apparently only put here covering maternity leave ! But I know I'm
Not.
His wife didn't do anything at all with the company but the 1st day she met me it was like she took an instant dislike to me and started coming to the office !
I did not flirt with the boss either . We got on really well that was it .
As for being all excited about the Xmas party and texting his mother . It was not about excitement it was me wondering how I was invited but have been told about all the other days / nights out that I'm not allowed . So I thought he wasn't going and that's why I was allowed to go . I am disappointed because I did want to have a catch up with my old friends . That's it . If I fancied him that much I could of easily of started a relationship with him . Just to clarify to all the ones abusing me on here . But guess what ! I'm not that kind of person .

Saying I need to tell me parter what exactly ? That I fancied my boss ? Surely he's fancied other people before and still does . As for his wife she's horrible . I don't actually feel sorry for her no more . I did but after all these months to think things over I do not . And also the only reason why I havnt been sacked is because I have been there so long that it has to go through the right procedure. And he phoned me after all this happened and said am
I going to take it to court . End of

OP posts:
Original poster
jingleballs22 · 02/12/2021 14:51

I was at work early this morning because I had a lot of emailing to do from the day before . On a normal day I don't get here until 8-45

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 02/12/2021 14:53

Saying I need to tell me parter what exactly ? That I fancied my boss ? Surely he's fancied other people before and still does

No, you tell him that you developed feelings for your boss and admitted that to him, after he'd said the same to you, and that that's the reason his wife is making your life difficult.

You tell your partner that you encouraged your bosses behaviour by making him think there was a chance for the two of you by telling him you felt the same way.

A harmless attraction is different to a borderline emotional affair.

Bluntness100 · 02/12/2021 15:03

This is so all over the place, you’re really close to his mother but she’s been texting you telling you to leave? You call him your boss even though he isn’t , he is the overall boss and you have a different boss?

You feel you have all this power and you can split their marriage up, but are not doing so just because you’re a nice person? But you’re also deeply jealous of her, that’s clear.

You fancied him and told him you’d feelings for him, which it sounds like you still do and that’s the issue, but you feel this is harmless and your partner does the same, so you lied to him and told him your boss fancied you and it creeped you out. Which you also feel is fine.

Therealjudgejudy · 02/12/2021 15:04

All sounds very suspect to me..Hmm

jingleballs22 · 02/12/2021 15:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Original poster
jingleballs22 · 02/12/2021 15:26

@Bluntness100

This is so all over the place, you’re really close to his mother but she’s been texting you telling you to leave? You call him your boss even though he isn’t , he is the overall boss and you have a different boss?

You feel you have all this power and you can split their marriage up, but are not doing so just because you’re a nice person? But you’re also deeply jealous of her, that’s clear.

You fancied him and told him you’d feelings for him, which it sounds like you still do and that’s the issue, but you feel this is harmless and your partner does the same, so you lied to him and told him your boss fancied you and it creeped you out. Which you also feel is fine.

As for still got feelings for him ? I have not . As for thinking I'm a nice person ? Yes I am
OP posts: