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Original poster

Left out at work

206 replies

jingleballs22 · 01/12/2021 05:47

Hi I'm going to get straight to the point with this as I am in work so don't have time to write everything down .

Last year my married boss had feelings for me . Would message all the time , buy me gifts and was open about his feelings . Him and his wife don't get on at all . I know this as I have heard the way she speaks to him and he is a lovely man .

I developed feelings for him so we stopped working together because obviously it's wrong and there's was a lot of guilt there .

Last Christmas his wife messaged my partner and said we have been having an affair for years . We have not . We haven't done anything apart from discuss our feelings and then left it there .

His wife wanted me sacked and told me I had to leave but I wouldn't because I have done nothing wrong .

She's basically made my working life hell . I am not allowed to contact my boss for anything or go to our office . This has been for a whole year . Not allowed on work gatherings either

One of the women who work with us messaged me saying about our Xmas party this year which I was excited about going to because o have not seen anyone as not allowed .

I then text my boss mother who said I am not allowed to attend the Xmas party . Have I got any right to be sad about this or do you think this is what I deserve ?

OP posts:
nitsandwormsdodger · 01/12/2021 13:44

Are you for real???
I cant understand why you are so passive , get another job ASAP sue them for sexual harassment - are you achuslly being truthful with us here ? as I cannot believe you are putting up with this because a) your husband tells you to and
b) you don’t want to upset them ??!

TeeBee · 01/12/2021 13:44

Errr, no, it wouldn't be your fault. Its their fault; that's not how you run a business or treat staff.

nitsandwormsdodger · 01/12/2021 13:46

Why do you care if they separate? From what you have said they should

ShirleyPhallus · 01/12/2021 13:48

Why did you text his mother…?

ZenNudist · 01/12/2021 13:54

Well you're going to have to find a new job. You've been sexually harassed and now they are attempting constructive dismissal. I would gather your evidence and seek legal redress. I'd be putting in a grievance complaint at the very least once I'd got a new job.

I don't know why you're worried about them ehen they are treating you like this. Your name is going to be mud now as well whilst he carries on as usual.

Original poster
jingleballs22 · 01/12/2021 13:57

Sorry I text his mother because she's the only one I'm allowed to contact if it regards her son . My boss . I was really upset about this a few months back then I calmed down but since the Christmas party situation and I am so friendly with two women who I havnt seen since all this happened , they keep asking me to come to the office but I keep making excuses because I'm not allowed to tell anyone what's happened . So they probably think I'm just being really mean . I have all the text messages from his family messaging me saying I got a month before I have to hand my notice in

OP posts:
CorrBlimeyGG · 01/12/2021 13:59

Do your old messages from him show him harassing you, or is there evidence of your requited feelings?

Is your partner making you continue to work there to punish you?

Original poster
jingleballs22 · 01/12/2021 14:01

Nothing I said was wrong in messages but there are loads from him . Also I told my partner months before I didn't want to work with him anymore because I thought he had feelings for me and it was creeping me out . He said it was all in my head .

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 01/12/2021 14:08

What industry do you work in?

Strangevipers · 01/12/2021 14:10

Wait a minute your poor partner thinks it was all one sided ?

That you didn't or don't have feelings for your boss

That's it's all in your head !

Surely , That's a betrayal

youvegottenminuteslynn · 01/12/2021 14:14

@jingleballs22

Nothing I said was wrong in messages but there are loads from him . Also I told my partner months before I didn't want to work with him anymore because I thought he had feelings for me and it was creeping me out . He said it was all in my head .
Does your partner know that you also had feelings for your boss and that you discussed the fact you had feelings for each other?
5128gap · 01/12/2021 14:22

They are treating you badly and you have the right to make a grievance. However, realistically unless you want all the details of your past relationship with this man potentially in the public arena (if it ends in tribunal) I'm not sure there's anything you can do. Its extremely unfair but if you want to keep the past under wraps, they hold all the cards.

Monalotmoore · 01/12/2021 14:28

Why are you not allowed to tell anyone? They don't own your brain. Stop this nonsense, resign and start a tribunal claim against them for constructive dismissal.

AnEpisodeOfEastenders · 01/12/2021 14:29

Go for constructive dismissal and take them to the cleaners.

Monalotmoore · 01/12/2021 14:29

@5128gap

They are treating you badly and you have the right to make a grievance. However, realistically unless you want all the details of your past relationship with this man potentially in the public arena (if it ends in tribunal) I'm not sure there's anything you can do. Its extremely unfair but if you want to keep the past under wraps, they hold all the cards.
It's a family business. Who does she submit a grievance to, the wife, boss or his mother?
MadeForThis · 01/12/2021 14:36

You definitely have a case against them.

Original poster
jingleballs22 · 01/12/2021 14:36

@ShirleyPhallus

What industry do you work in?
Family run solicitors , I am at another branch 20 miles from my original.
OP posts:
Original poster
jingleballs22 · 01/12/2021 14:37

@Strangevipers

Wait a minute your poor partner thinks it was all one sided ?

That you didn't or don't have feelings for your boss

That's it's all in your head !

Surely , That's a betrayal

At that time he knew it was all one sided but I havnt told him I also had feelings for him . He wouldn't of left me but what's the point in hurting him if I wasn't going to act on them?
OP posts:
Franca123 · 01/12/2021 14:40

Assuming other jobs are available to you. Negotiate a payout. It might be worth talking to a solicitor to get an idea of what it's worth to them to avoid court. Get a solicitor to act for you if you're not confident to do it yourself.

Original poster
jingleballs22 · 01/12/2021 14:45

@Franca123

Assuming other jobs are available to you. Negotiate a payout. It might be worth talking to a solicitor to get an idea of what it's worth to them to avoid court. Get a solicitor to act for you if you're not confident to do it yourself.
They were going to pay me to leave .... a months pay 😂
OP posts:
Dashel · 01/12/2021 14:49

Stop being so passive about everything!

Your partner shouldn’t be having the final say about your work. Where you work is up to you!!

I would start looking for another job and at the same time get an employment solicitor.

Whatever happens between your boss and his wife isn’t on your shoulders at this point. You need to concern yourself with improving your life as it doesn’t sound like work will ever get any better.

Monalotmoore · 01/12/2021 14:51

Seriously stop letting these so called solicitors get away with murder and wipe the floor with them for constructive dismissal. You can start a claim free online. You've already let the get away with absolute murder. A solicitor company behaving this way could be struck off by their regulator. You need to stop being so nicely nicely and start proceedings now.

Bluntness100 · 01/12/2021 14:58

Did you really not sleep with him? Very weird for him to just book a weekend away without discussion.

How old are you op and how old is he?

Bluntness100 · 01/12/2021 15:00

@MadeForThis

You definitely have a case against them.
What case? She said it was mutual and she had feelings for him and told him. She now works in another branch.

They are solicitors. If they wanted rid she’d be gone, they could easily come up with a performance issue and terminate after a few weeks. So there is more to this than being presented.

5128gap · 01/12/2021 15:02

Employment law applies to family businesses too. If there's a grievance procedure she should submit it in accordance with that. If not, to her direct manager. I'm not suggesting it will lead to a positive outcome, but its a necessary first stage if OP does want to take further action for what amounts to workplace bullying. As I said, its not straightforward because it will at some point be necessary for the back story to come out, which OP may not want.