Can't even bloody buy a man's affection anymore

[Hummmph]

Just that, really.

I appear to be unable to pull at the grand old age of 35. I am highly successful in my job. I am active. Overweight, but I have a pretty face. Two adorable children. Skills and hobbies out of my ears. I volunteer.

And yet, every relationship I've ever had has been at best neglectful (I once counted 4 full weeks without him contacting me at all before breaking it off) and at worst phsically, emotionally and sexually abusive.

I have no friends due to many house moves and an early pregnancy.

So I decided, enough with trying to have a relationship. Let's have some fun and book someone for a bit of physical attention (NOT sex, just massages/ cuddles, because I'm lonely as fuck). Nice guy, a few messages back and forth. And now the booked job got changed for (I assume) somewhere more lucrative as I only wanted a couple of hours and not a whole night.

Bloody hell. If that wasn't a kick in the teeth I don't know what was. So I can't naturally pull a nice one and I can't even pay for someone to pretend I'm worth something for an evening. No real solution wanted, just sounding off.

The booked job should bother you least of all! It was literally business and not personal. He got another request that paid more, that's all there is to it. If you'd outbid, he'd have gone with you.

I'd be very careful booking men for that sort of thing op. These people can have ties to organised crime. And you have kids to think of.

Don't get me wrong, no judgement, I've always thought i might try it myself on a holiday some day. Just for company and maybe a bit of snogging. But...not to my own home. Too risky op.

But chances are someone wanted more from him and that would pay better. I'm sure he has bills to pay (and pimps to keep happy xD) so don't take it personally.

I'd save your money and hit tinder instead. Plenty of short term company available there. Just be upfront from the start.

You thought it was a good idea to buy affection. Wouldn't that feel so hollow? :/ I think you've already experienced what this was - a transaction.

If you want a proper massage, then book one, but any more than that is inviting trouble, and sorry, I doubt this arrangement would end up purely non-sexual. I know there are people who provide cuddle services, but I don't know....I'm cynical about that!

I agree with Tinder or POF being the way to go, plenty of guys on there willing to offer their services for free but just be careful. I wouldn’t be giving anyone your home address (paid or not paid). I have made a few friends through dating apps and FWB’s. I’ve given up looking for a relationship as I’m done with being treated badly.

@Lovemusic33

I agree with Tinder or POF being the way to go, plenty of guys on there willing to offer their services for free but just be careful. I wouldn’t be giving anyone your home address (paid or not paid). I have made a few friends through dating apps and FWB’s. I’ve given up looking for a relationship as I’m done with being treated badly.

100% this

How depressing

@Lovemusic33

I agree with Tinder or POF being the way to go, plenty of guys on there willing to offer their services for free but just be careful. I wouldn’t be giving anyone your home address (paid or not paid). I have made a few friends through dating apps and FWB’s. I’ve given up looking for a relationship as I’m done with being treated badly.

Yes, but guys off Tinder will much more often than not be useless in bed. An escort at least guarantees he will make an effort to please her.

I doubt an escort cares about pleasing anyone. It's just about making enough money for their next fix.

Absolutely do not bring someone like that in your home where your kids are (even if they are away for the evening).

Online dating might be rough at times and can even be a little unsafe but still much safer than engaging with sex workers.

I can personally recommend Bumble! Although as he’s currently fast asleep and snoring next to me - keeping me awake - I might downgrade my 5* review to 4.5!
I was you, 3 years ago OP, never imagined how much life could change don’t give up.

Sorry I understand loneliness, but if you want a massage book in for a massage.

Anything else and you are buying/renting a person's body and that is not ok.

You just have to keep plugging away at trying to meet someone if you want affection, which is hard but fuck me prostitutes are never in it because they enjoy the job are they? You would be perpetuating the problem if you keep doing this.

Not to mention the risks as PP have pointed out to you.

Honestly you'd be getting the arse torn out of you if you were a bloke posting this tbh.

I can see how you feel OP but try not to take this personally. It could be for the best.

Zero judgement but are you sure that a couple of hours of professional attention is what you really want? If dating is slow at the moment (it has been for everyone with covid), how about a monthly professional therapeutic massage as a treat, then placing the focus on making friends for the time being as it sounds like you're now a bit more settled after the numerous moves, and some counselling for the abuse before maybe joining a good quality dating site in slower time?

If I've got it wrong and what you would really like is simply something physical then yes, tinder or bumble, but be clear with yourself what you're after as you don't want to feel rejected if no strings sex is going to feel like half measures.

You wanted to purchase a human being for a few hours to use them for your own gratification, and now you're moaning because you were outbid. Disgusting.

"Straight" male escorts don't make a living, and they defo don't have pimps, so lol at all the pearl clutching 😂

If you want a genuine physical experience with someone who gives a shit then hire a bisexual (not bicurious - that's code for "I'll do it for cash but wont enjoy it" ) female escort with good reviews on Adultwork who works independently.
Be prepared to pay £150+ per hour. If you're paying less than £100/hour then you're most likely dealing with someone who's trafficked.

Pm me if you want :)

You wanted to purchase a human being for a few hours to use them for your own gratification, and now you're moaning because you were outbid. Disgusting

Yup. Disgusting someone is so desperate for a fucking hug they'd pay for it.

Of course my children would not have been here.

Thanks everyone for the advice. I really can't be doing with online dating/ hooking up. I need someone to care about me, even if it's pretend and I get the feeling I'd be quite disappointed in that department, especially if I'm not really looking for sex. I can look after myself for that. I really just need a hug.

But you’re not buying affection, attention maybe, but it won’t be affection.

I think you need to take a step back and think about what you’re doing and why, OP.

If you want physical contact, there’s no end of it available on Tinder but using a sex worker isn’t going to solve your problem.

I read an article about cuddle therapists, have you looked into that? I don't know how legit it is but seems to be more of a holistic therapy type thing

A hug. Why dont you put up one of those signs saying free hugs then? Ive seen the youtube videos. Always seems to work. Saves you money too

Ugh. I am judging.

Ah, honey, you sound at your wits end.

But paying someone to hug you is possibly going to be the emptiest thing ever.

And I guess a load of people judging you on the internet feels shit too.

The best way to meet people is to do something you like doing and you'll meet like minded people. What do you like to do?

I may be way off the mark, but at 37 and long term single without any affection, I just thought I'd pop in with a recommendation that's helped me.

Would you consider a social dance class or the social dance scene? Things like Salsa, Bachata, Kizomba? Or just good old Latin and Ballroom? It helped me have not just an outlet and a confidence boost but, crucially, "safe" physical contact with men when healing a broken heart and when sex wasn't really on the cards, though at some of the bigger Salsa/Bachata/Kizomba/Argentine Tango socials sex would definitely be on the cards if that was what you were looking for. Dancers also tend to be quite huggy people too. And I've made a few gay male friends who adore me, tell me I'm wonderful and give me lots of cuddles which again is a "safe" substitute in the meantime and has boosted my confidence.

I know it might be out of left field a bit but, it's got to be better than paying someone to hug you.

I second regular paid professional massage too. Some training colleges look for volunteers and you get free massages.

And...I know it's not the same but...dogs. Dogs are an endless source of love and affection. If you can't take one on,
local charities are often looking for dog walkers or volunteers to help with animal care. And there are lots of men out walking their beautiful doggies every single day, and it's easy enough to start a conversation up with them over your dogs. One might be lovely, single and interested.

Think of it as a possible lucky escape. I wouldn't trust a service like that at all.

As others have said, it's something of a numbers game when you're single and dating. My advice would be not to waste time on any relationship where you are treated neglectfully or there's no 'spark'. You say you waited 4 weeks without contact to end a relationship - don't. Give anything like that a couple of days at most and then move on.

You sound (if I can put it like this) an attractive prospect - successful, wide range of interests, pretty - you just need (unfortunately) to eliminate the dickheads in the process of finding the right person.

Op If you really only want hugs/cuddles, there are various groups and clubs around the Uk, listed on 'meet up' . Maybe try one of those?

Really sorry to hear you've found yourself in this position Op.

I don't know think finding a relationship is about your 'prospects', it's about luck, timing and being in the right place at the right time, otherwise we simply wouldn't see so many unattractive, lacking prospects/hobbies people getting together.

I'd second seeking out something casual via an online dating app, though as pointed out already, be clear what you're after especially as I'd imagine a lot of men would presume sex is on the cards at the some point.

I've been single on and off for a while now and am not sure what the solution is to be honest. But it's certainly not a poor, substandard relationship... It's depressing

Going to be really "harsh" with you here OP. Because you're not addressing the issue, just trying to fix it with a weird temporary solution.

I appear to be unable to pull at the grand old age of 35.

Agreed, it's not your age. That's no age at all to meet someone.

I am highly successful in my job.

What does this more accurately reflect as? You are career driven and work long hours and maybe relationships have suffered because you're in the office so much? Are you very successful and some guys are intimidated by this. Again, not a criticism, just trying to gain a bigger picture insight.

I am active.

Most people would like this.

Overweight, but I have a pretty face.

This (sorry but it is the truth) will massively affect things. Like it or not, people are physically attracted to their partner. And most are not attracted to overweight, from both the appearance aspect, and the health aspects that can arise. Of the couples I know, where one/both are overweight, they all were much slimmer when they met, and it's gradually happened. Of the four divorced couples I know, the 8 people in question, 5 have started new relationships. The other 3 that are definitely looking for someone but haven't found anyone, all 3 are overweight. Like it or not, this isn't coincidence. I'm sure someone will be along very soon to be hyper offended by this, and "love thy curves" and of course, yes, but it still doesn't change that it's a hindrance in the world of "meeting someone"

Two adorable children.

Are they? My DTwins are the best things ever. To me. Would someone else want to take on twin toddlers? Yes, they're beautiful. They also yanked the TV from the unit yesterday. They take up a lot of my time. They are hugely dependent. The concept of a potential stepfather role, is usually what people are happy to accept, as opposed to actively look for. Ask yourself, would someone rather date you, with two children, or without. If your DC are very young, again, like it or not, this might be putting people off, and you'll find you suddenly have a lot more success in dating when they are a few years older and less immediately dependent.

Skills and hobbies out of my ears.

What sort of things? Could you get more involved here and meet someone through a combined interest?

I volunteer.

Nice.

And yet, every relationship I've ever had has been at best neglectful

Look into this more. Why do you think this is? Are you a people pleaser and feel deflated in return. Do you have really high expectations? How did things manifest that you describe as neglectful? Where did you meet the people who have been neglectful? Online dating, or a variety of places? Are you looking in the wrong place?

Sorry if that was a tough read. But if it's really bothering you, I think you need to examine the whole situation and look at why things may have happened.

You sound like an incel… it’s horrible. If a man has posted this he would have been decimated

A good job (congrats on being an adult by the way) or volunteering or hobbies doesn’t entitle you to a relationship or sex.