Just that, really.
I appear to be unable to pull at the grand old age of 35. I am highly successful in my job. I am active. Overweight, but I have a pretty face. Two adorable children. Skills and hobbies out of my ears. I volunteer.
And yet, every relationship I've ever had has been at best neglectful (I once counted 4 full weeks without him contacting me at all before breaking it off) and at worst phsically, emotionally and sexually abusive.
I have no friends due to many house moves and an early pregnancy.
So I decided, enough with trying to have a relationship. Let's have some fun and book someone for a bit of physical attention (NOT sex, just massages/ cuddles, because I'm lonely as fuck). Nice guy, a few messages back and forth. And now the booked job got changed for (I assume) somewhere more lucrative as I only wanted a couple of hours and not a whole night.
Bloody hell. If that wasn't a kick in the teeth I don't know what was. So I can't naturally pull a nice one and I can't even pay for someone to pretend I'm worth something for an evening. No real solution wanted, just sounding off.