Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Drunk situation - I don’t know what happened

220 replies

Imdone1000 · 14/09/2021 11:14

Hey all

I’m newly seeing a guy, he’s amazing in every way, we’ve been seeing each other for a couple of months. He’s currently working away so I haven’t seen him for a couple of weeks so made the trip to go and stay with him at the weekend. It was the best weekend, he bought me a beautiful piece of jewellery and said I love you for the first time.
On Friday we drank with his friends and I admittedly got quite drunk. Parts of the night are blank. But I do remember taking myself off to bed and leaving the others to carry on drinking.
So the next day in the evening we went to a pub and I heard my boyfriend say to his friend, did you enjoy your FaceTime call? And they laughed. And I asked what do you mean? What FaceTime call. And he replied oh nothing he just tried to call whilst you was giving me a b............ and I said oh. I assumed this meant he didn’t take the call and he had just tried to call. I remember the bedroom antics but I don’t remember no call.
But I left it. Then the next few days the “did you enjoy your FaceTime call” played on my mind so I asked him about it and specifically said did you answer the call. And he said yea I wasn’t thinking you were fully dressed and he didn’t see anything it was dark. And the camera was at the back of my head. I made him aware that I wasn’t comfortable with this, and he said because we are a very sexual couple and his friends know this he didn’t think it would be a problem,,,and I said I just don’t want to be inviting people to watch me.
He said the only thing on view was his penis and called him out and said but you said the camera was at the back of my head.... he then went on to say that I was laughing about the situation at the time and we went back out to the friends after and I made a jokey comment about it. I don’t remember this at all,,,it could have happened because I was drunk. But I genuinly don’t remember that at all. The things that niggling me are when he initially asked his friend if he enjoyed the FaceTime call and I asked him he said oh nothing he “tried” to call. And his answer to this is because we were around other people he would want to share that with, so he just said that. Then also his story changed like he said you were fully clothed so he couldn’t see anything, and thy e camera was at the back of my head, to it was only his penis, I am really confused about the situation.
I take him to be an absolutely great guy and I would believe that he would be honest with me. But this has me confused. What do you think of it?
TIA x

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 14/09/2021 11:19

So he's claiming you were OK with him answering the call mid blow job and knew the camera was facing downwards? Does that seem likely?.. For me it would be a deal breaker.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/09/2021 11:22

I think your so called nice boyfriend needs to be dumped by you asap. I do not wish to upset you further but it could well be that you do not remember this drunken episode because your drink was spiked.

There are lots of red flags here, none of which you can ignore and all this has happened a mere few months in.

His friend likely saw you drunk and or otherwise out of it giving your bf a blow job. It was all deliberate and your boyfriend's story has kept changing too.

Bluntness100 · 14/09/2021 11:22

Jesus he put you on video to his mates so they could see you blowing him? And you haven’t dumped his arse?

moynomore · 14/09/2021 11:22

Omg, this sounds horrible and I would never speak to this man again. Sorry OP, but I would never put up with anything close to that. Maybe I'm a prude but I don't care.

CheekyChewinski · 14/09/2021 11:24

Putting aside the fact that's bang out of order and I wouldn't be seeing him again...it's also very weird. what would anyone get out of that?!

nzeire · 14/09/2021 11:26

That is so not ok. What an awful, immature man, I’m horrified at the lack of respect he has shown you.
If you really think he’s a great guy, I think you need some guidance here.

ThatSunnyCorner · 14/09/2021 11:26

I'd dump him immediately. He's a liar who filmed and streamed you without your consent engaging in a sexual act. There's nothing amazing or great about him, he's a seedy creep and what he did was illegal.

CrasterKipper · 14/09/2021 11:27

WTAF have I just read?

Your 'nice' boyfriend video called his mate during a blow job?! Whilst you were too out of it to consent or even remember it?

That is 50 shades of fucked up. You can't even get a straight answer out of him, you can't remember it at all, and frankly it's incredibly seedy and just weird as hell.

ImitationofBeing · 14/09/2021 11:32

Reading this I'm wondering if your drink was spiked in some way.

Please dump him.
What he did was disrespectful, shocking lack of boundaries and god knows what he'll try next without your consent.

Massive red flags.

Vallmo47 · 14/09/2021 11:33

Is this serious?
If it is, honestly you need to leave this horrific man and also I’d seriously consider never drinking to that extent again because clearly you are prone for blackouts and literally anything could happen.
I say this as someone who made the call to stop drinking due to the effects it had on me as a person and the events that followed.

WeAreTheHeroes · 14/09/2021 11:34

I'd be concerned he shared/videoed far more than that and is minimising to you. As a pp has stated, your drinks may have been spiked. He and his mates sound like a bunch of sleazeballs.

VimFuego101 · 14/09/2021 11:34

This is awful. Don't let him minimise it. As a previous poster said, do you think your drink may have been spiked?

Original poster
Imdone1000 · 14/09/2021 11:38

I honestly don’t think my drink was spiked. But I have already made the decision not to drink like that anymore. If he is being truthful and I was ok with it at the time, this is not ok with me and I need to not allow myself to get in that vulnerable state again. Thanks everyone for your input xx

OP posts:
Cherpcherp · 14/09/2021 11:40

Oh he’s a wrong en op, no doubt about that.

Ellarain · 14/09/2021 11:40

That is absolutely disgusting. He has no respect for you whatsoever. You need to dump him now Flowers

Shoxfordian · 14/09/2021 11:42

It’s not your fault for having a drink
He’s so disrespectful
Dump him

Ughmaybenot · 14/09/2021 11:43

Regardless of how drunk you were, what he did is clearly fucking wrong!! He’s disgusting, and this behaviour will ramp up if you accept it this time. Raise your standards, he’s awful.

Scautish · 14/09/2021 11:43

He’s an utter prick. Please do not see him again.

Original poster
Imdone1000 · 14/09/2021 11:44

But what about if he’s telling the truth and I was laughing and joking about it. And was “ok” with it?
I just asked if him if I told him to answer the call and he said I told him to tell him we are busy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Imdone1000 · 14/09/2021 11:44

Like what if I acted a certain way that made him believe it would be ok to do that

OP posts:
Eve81 · 14/09/2021 11:44

WTAF?! He sounds hugely immature. That would put me off massively even if he did think it was innocent. That’s something teenagers do (idiot ones at that).

DowntonCrabby · 14/09/2021 11:44

You are worth more than this, you know you are. Please please leave him Flowers

B00kMark · 14/09/2021 11:46

If you were sober and you wouldn’t be comfortable with this scenario (to each their own if you would be) then he shouldn’t do it ever, no matter how drunk you are.

If he waited until you were drunk to do this, then he knew that you wouldn’t consent to it. Ergo, he is not trustworthy. He could be filming you and putting it on the Internet for all you know.

Natty13 · 14/09/2021 11:46

He sounds like a stand up guy, you should marry him!!

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 14/09/2021 11:46

If you have to be on your guard every time you go out with him and his friends it's not going g to work op.

He put you in a vulnerable position whether he says you were aware at the time or not.

He clearly knew you were very drunk and took advantage,being a lad whatever but not good enough.

I'd be kicking his ass and not meeting up with him again

Swipe left for the next trending thread