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Original poster

Drunk situation - I don’t know what happened

220 replies

Imdone1000 · 14/09/2021 11:14

Hey all

I’m newly seeing a guy, he’s amazing in every way, we’ve been seeing each other for a couple of months. He’s currently working away so I haven’t seen him for a couple of weeks so made the trip to go and stay with him at the weekend. It was the best weekend, he bought me a beautiful piece of jewellery and said I love you for the first time.
On Friday we drank with his friends and I admittedly got quite drunk. Parts of the night are blank. But I do remember taking myself off to bed and leaving the others to carry on drinking.
So the next day in the evening we went to a pub and I heard my boyfriend say to his friend, did you enjoy your FaceTime call? And they laughed. And I asked what do you mean? What FaceTime call. And he replied oh nothing he just tried to call whilst you was giving me a b............ and I said oh. I assumed this meant he didn’t take the call and he had just tried to call. I remember the bedroom antics but I don’t remember no call.
But I left it. Then the next few days the “did you enjoy your FaceTime call” played on my mind so I asked him about it and specifically said did you answer the call. And he said yea I wasn’t thinking you were fully dressed and he didn’t see anything it was dark. And the camera was at the back of my head. I made him aware that I wasn’t comfortable with this, and he said because we are a very sexual couple and his friends know this he didn’t think it would be a problem,,,and I said I just don’t want to be inviting people to watch me.
He said the only thing on view was his penis and called him out and said but you said the camera was at the back of my head.... he then went on to say that I was laughing about the situation at the time and we went back out to the friends after and I made a jokey comment about it. I don’t remember this at all,,,it could have happened because I was drunk. But I genuinly don’t remember that at all. The things that niggling me are when he initially asked his friend if he enjoyed the FaceTime call and I asked him he said oh nothing he “tried” to call. And his answer to this is because we were around other people he would want to share that with, so he just said that. Then also his story changed like he said you were fully clothed so he couldn’t see anything, and thy e camera was at the back of my head, to it was only his penis, I am really confused about the situation.
I take him to be an absolutely great guy and I would believe that he would be honest with me. But this has me confused. What do you think of it?
TIA x

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/09/2021 12:12

"Like what if I acted a certain way that made him believe it would be ok to do that"

This is still all on him . Do you think on some level you somehow deserved to be treated like this by a boyfriend, someone who professes to love you?. You were not in any position to give consent.

I think your drink could well have been spiked (you would not have noticed a difference in the taste of alcohol). I would not readily assume it is an unlikely scenario.

I am wondering about your relationship history and whether you have been abused in previous relationships.

Droite · 14/09/2021 12:12

I don't understand the business about the camera showing the back of your head. Assuming this was on his phone, wouldn't he have had to hold the phone out or up so that the back of your head was visible? Answering the call was weird enough, but if he felt he had to ,why not just hold it close to his face?

Clymene · 14/09/2021 12:14

He's violated you. He shared a private sexual act with his friends.

He's a sick fucker and you should dump him.

pollypocketlover · 14/09/2021 12:15

If you were too drunk to remember you were too drunk to consent to anything. What he did is illegal.

HaggisBurger · 14/09/2021 12:15

A good guy would not WANT an intimate sexual moment to be shared on FaceTime - particularly when he knew you were really drunk and not really consenting to it.
Like others have said - how do they know you are a very sexual couple. I am in a new relationship that is “very sexual” but I know for a fact that my bf is not telling his best friend about this. He’s not an immature dickhead. Run.

PumpkinKlNG · 14/09/2021 12:18

Surely you would know if this is the kind of thing you would allow drunk or not? I know no matter how drunk I am I would never agree with something like this.

Original poster
Imdone1000 · 14/09/2021 12:18

Oh god. I actually feel sick. You are all right. I’m worried now that he has (and he probably has) shared private photos as well. I feel like a right idiot. Thanks guys

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 14/09/2021 12:19

I've heard it all now. Are you really defending him, OP?

SoloJazz · 14/09/2021 12:19

Why would someone try to facetime in the middle of the night unless it was prearranged

Palavah · 14/09/2021 12:21

@Imdone1000

Oh god. I actually feel sick. You are all right. I’m worried now that he has (and he probably has) shared private photos as well. I feel like a right idiot. Thanks guys
Please don't blame yourself. He played a good game and you trusted him.

Is there someone you can talk to in real life?

You can keep talking to us here if you need to.

You are better than this guy.

Original poster
Imdone1000 · 14/09/2021 12:21

@HollowTalk

I've heard it all now. Are you really defending him, OP?
No not at all. How am I defending him?
OP posts:
Donotgogentle · 14/09/2021 12:25

Don’t blame yourself op, he acted like he was a good guy.

Buckingthetrend · 14/09/2021 12:25

He’s not a nice guy op. He’s telling you what he thinks will get him off the hook.
This is just awful behaviour. He’s an immature dick head.

Alicenwonderland · 14/09/2021 12:26

They're all good guys in the beginning, abusive people don't show their true colours straight away. This is not right and a real red flag.

MissMaple82 · 14/09/2021 12:29

Oh my word! You need to dump this dickhead he is NOT your Prince charming!!

Iusedtoliveinsanfrancisco · 14/09/2021 12:29

Report him. He’ll do it again it’s a crime.

Iggly · 14/09/2021 12:32

Sorry OP but he could have chosen not to answer the call. He probably made the call. That says it all about his judgement.

ShingleBeach · 14/09/2021 12:33

@SoloJazz

Why would someone try to facetime in the middle of the night unless it was prearranged
This is a good point.

Actually I don’t know any male friends who face time between themselves as part of general communication.

MitheringMytryl · 14/09/2021 12:38

This is awful.

Please don't have anything to do with him anymore.

NotPersephone · 14/09/2021 12:38

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Rugrats21 · 14/09/2021 12:39

Whether or not you were 'ok at the time' you were not coherant enough to give informed consent to his friend viewing what was happening. Any decent guy wouldn't have wanted to take advantage of you if more sober than you. The fact parts are blank to you makes me wonder if you were served larger measures etc than you thought given you don't think you were spiked.

Either way he's not to be trusted given how he acted when you were in a vulnerable position. It will always be in the back of your head too. You need to stir clear.

gncq · 14/09/2021 12:40

What the actual fuck?

Your boyfriend streams live videos of himself getting a blowjob to his male mates, and you want to stay with him?

Is he closet gay? Why would he want to show his erect dick to his mates?

Either way that's porn addict/exhibitionist/closet gay/sexual abuser of drunk women all wrapped up in one.

Fucking RUN.

Famousinlove · 14/09/2021 12:40

When you first asked him, he lied to you. That's because he knew you didn't know it happened and didn't want it to happen.

TaraR2020 · 14/09/2021 12:40

Dump him now.

I think you also need to chat with someone about what you've experienced, like the people at Rape Crisis.

You feel the way you do because it was a violation and deep down you know it. That's why you're questioning yourself and seeking excuses for him.

I would argue his behaviour did more than cross a line, it was criminal. You were too drunk to consent to being filmed/photographed even if you had been aware that it was happening, which you were not.

You need some professional support to process what's happened to you.

The important thing to remember here op is that it's not your fault and that you have done nothing wrong.

The entire responsibility lies with him and his friends.

Reach out for support and help and cut him out of you life. Be gentle and kind with yourself, you're not to blame.

We're here if you want to talk about it more. What matters now is that you can take control back and move forward in the way that you decide is best for you. Flowers

Pinksmyfavoritecolour · 14/09/2021 12:42

Have you got so drunk in the past where you do not remember chunks of the night before like this?

It sounds quite a big thing to not remember, which is a big concern as to why?! You otherwise drink to excess and experience blackouts or as other have suggested been spiked.

Regardless of this, him wanting his friends to watch you perform while drunk is very disrespectful and grim.
Ask yourself right now would you be ok with this now while your sober? If not - why would you change your mind and be ok with it while drunk, he took advantage of you! Xx

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