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Original poster

Drunk situation - I don’t know what happened

220 replies

Imdone1000 · 14/09/2021 11:14

Hey all

I’m newly seeing a guy, he’s amazing in every way, we’ve been seeing each other for a couple of months. He’s currently working away so I haven’t seen him for a couple of weeks so made the trip to go and stay with him at the weekend. It was the best weekend, he bought me a beautiful piece of jewellery and said I love you for the first time.
On Friday we drank with his friends and I admittedly got quite drunk. Parts of the night are blank. But I do remember taking myself off to bed and leaving the others to carry on drinking.
So the next day in the evening we went to a pub and I heard my boyfriend say to his friend, did you enjoy your FaceTime call? And they laughed. And I asked what do you mean? What FaceTime call. And he replied oh nothing he just tried to call whilst you was giving me a b............ and I said oh. I assumed this meant he didn’t take the call and he had just tried to call. I remember the bedroom antics but I don’t remember no call.
But I left it. Then the next few days the “did you enjoy your FaceTime call” played on my mind so I asked him about it and specifically said did you answer the call. And he said yea I wasn’t thinking you were fully dressed and he didn’t see anything it was dark. And the camera was at the back of my head. I made him aware that I wasn’t comfortable with this, and he said because we are a very sexual couple and his friends know this he didn’t think it would be a problem,,,and I said I just don’t want to be inviting people to watch me.
He said the only thing on view was his penis and called him out and said but you said the camera was at the back of my head.... he then went on to say that I was laughing about the situation at the time and we went back out to the friends after and I made a jokey comment about it. I don’t remember this at all,,,it could have happened because I was drunk. But I genuinly don’t remember that at all. The things that niggling me are when he initially asked his friend if he enjoyed the FaceTime call and I asked him he said oh nothing he “tried” to call. And his answer to this is because we were around other people he would want to share that with, so he just said that. Then also his story changed like he said you were fully clothed so he couldn’t see anything, and thy e camera was at the back of my head, to it was only his penis, I am really confused about the situation.
I take him to be an absolutely great guy and I would believe that he would be honest with me. But this has me confused. What do you think of it?
TIA x

OP posts:

wewereliars · 14/09/2021 20:43

He is a very nasty piece of work OP.

What he did in the first place was beyond vile, but the way he referred to it afterwards in front of you, to his mate, was designed to impress his horrible mate and to further humiliate you. Don't walk way OP, run.

Youknownothingsnow · 14/09/2021 21:18

How revolting.

I couldn’t date a man like that. Dump him.

ClareBlue · 14/09/2021 21:28

You are worth more than this
He wants to share intimate moments with you with his friends
He does this when you can not give informed consent
He lies about it
He jokes to his friends about it in front of you
He makes you doubt what you believe
He makes you think this might be your fault

Your posts come across as you are a really caring person who would be a great partner for someone. Just not this guy as you deserve better.

OnTheSafeSide · 14/09/2021 21:30

I am not sure if anyone has asked this yet but - who rang who? It is a bit weird the friend calling him when he knew he had gone into the room with you to go to bed, so possibly arranged beforehand? Bit conicidental he rang at that exact monent!! Or even worse your BF ringing his friend on purpose to show him during the act.

Either way fucking disgusting and possibly illegal.

MrsMaizel · 14/09/2021 21:34

he said because we are a very sexual couple and his friends know this he didn’t think it would be a problem,,,

WTF ?

honeygriff · 14/09/2021 21:35

Just passed this by my adult teenage daughter as I'm old so I think it's a terrible thing he did. Her response was "so she broke up with him right?"

Marjoriedrawers · 14/09/2021 21:37

This is a gross violation of trust. He clearly has little respect for you to have done this while you were vulnerable.

Gonnagetgoing · 14/09/2021 21:41

@honeygriff

Just passed this by my adult teenage daughter as I'm old so I think it's a terrible thing he did. Her response was "so she broke up with him right?"

Look we know what she should do and hopefully she will dump him but depends if she has self esteem issues etc. Not everyone has their heads screwed on tight like your teenage daughter.

Emmelina · 14/09/2021 21:46

It sounds like he basically streamed a video of you blowing him to his mates on FaceTime and is trying to talk it down. This isn’t acceptable and is probably illegal, actually.

spotcheck · 14/09/2021 21:47

For the sake of argument OP, let's say you both were very drunk, and engaged in behaviours you wouldn't normally engage in.
Plausible.

But he was stone cold sober when he gave you different stories about the evening, and GLOATED to his friend. There is no respect there.

TaraR2020 · 14/09/2021 21:50

@Gonnagetgoing I think she might also be reeling from the responses, given that we agree its not only a violation but a much more serious one that she considered

I really hope you're ok @Imdone1000

Plumtree391 · 14/09/2021 22:06

@Imdone1000

Like what if I acted a certain way that made him believe it would be ok to do that

You were drunk, people do act out of character under the influence of alcohol, often don't know what they are doing and barely remember it afterwards if at all. He took advantage of you when you were vulnerable and that is just plain exploitative.

Take care of yourself, Imdone.

Bouledeneige · 14/09/2021 22:16

OP I'm glad you're listening to the feedback. This is a very bad man:

consent
respect
privacy
exploitation
manipulation

Get away as fast as possible. Don't argue about camera angles or what he says you said yes to. This is wrong on every level. He's a very nasty piece of work with no integrity, moral or respect. Nor does his friends. Get away as fast as you can.

DDMAC · 14/09/2021 22:44

@WeAreTheHeroes

I'd be concerned he shared/videoed far more than that and is minimising to you. As a pp has stated, your drinks may have been spiked. He and his mates sound like a bunch of sleazeballs.

I’d be worried about this too.

Yarnandneedles · 14/09/2021 23:25

You are worth so much more than this, OP.

The right man for you would treat you with dignity and respect.

Maybe I’m just old-fashioned…

RBKB · 15/09/2021 06:31

If you feel up to it, go to the police. Thry will take it seriously and you might prevent him doing this to another girl. I am horrified, he has utterly disrespected you. And broken the law.....

CassandraTrotter · 15/09/2021 06:40

Tbh op ingot as far as seeing each other about 8 weeks, told each other you loved each other and he gave you a lovely piece of jewellery and thought he was love bombing. But the rest is awful.

It sounds like you couldn't even give consent to the sex.

Dump him immediately.

isitweds9thseptyet · 15/09/2021 07:04

He should be your guardian and protector when you over do it. Not your exploiter. Dump.

Howshouldibehave · 15/09/2021 07:10

he said because we are a very sexual couple and his friends know this he didn’t think it would be a problem

What is a very sexual couple?!

This thread made me feel sick reading it. I hope you have now split up with him?

rainbowstardrops · 15/09/2021 07:55

Who accepts a face time call when they're in the middle of sex or whatever???
I don't believe him for a second I'm afraid. I wouldn't be surprised if your drink was spiked or at least he made sure you drank loads and he made the call to show off to his friend. Vile. I'd ditch.

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 15/09/2021 08:04

If his mate face-timed him and you were passed out naked on the bed next to him, what would he do?

Hope you're OK OP.
Dump this creep.

Bluntness100 · 15/09/2021 08:39

Op have you let him take videos of you sexually? Your comment that you think it’s possible he’s shared concerns me you have.

To be clear, no man forms a lasting relationship with a woman who he abuses in this manner, he’s got you performing for his mates entertainment and finds it funny.

Get out fast. Run amd don’t look back. Before you end up that woman in the news. And worse this time as you know what’s happening to you.

Get out now.

Gonnagetgoing · 15/09/2021 09:07

[quote TaraR2020]@Gonnagetgoing I think she might also be reeling from the responses, given that we agree its not only a violation but a much more serious one that she considered

I really hope you're ok @Imdone1000[/quote]
@TaraR2020 - I definitely think she's probably reeling from the responses re the violation and it also being much more serious.

Poor woman also feels let down if she does have to end things with what she thought was a perfect man too.

Plumtree391 · 15/09/2021 16:26

rainbowstardrops Wed 15-Sep-21 07:55:48
Who accepts a face time call when they're in the middle of sex or whatever???
.......
An exhibitionist.

There are people who are turned on by others seeing them performing sex acts or by exposing their genitals.

Bluntness100 · 15/09/2021 16:29

@Plumtree391

rainbowstardrops Wed 15-Sep-21 07:55:48 Who accepts a face time call when they're in the middle of sex or whatever??? ....... An exhibitionist.

There are people who are turned on by others seeing them performing sex acts or by exposing their genitals.

Or the sort of bloke who demeans women by sharing sex videos of them.

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