He won’t propose until I lose weight

[Spidermum2]

A friend came round last night and we got talking about someone we know who had just got married. Friend said to me in a lighthearted way, “when is it your turn” to which dp said “I’ve told her I’ll propose when she loses weight” He has said this to me in the past, but I let it go over my head at the time. But as he has said it again, he must really mean it which hurts a lot. I’m in two minds as to whether I am over reacting. One part of me thinks it may be his way of ‘trying’ to spur me on to lose weight and in his mind thinks he’s giving me a kick up the arse and trying to be helpful. Or whether he’s being a total dick and I should consider if I want to be with him let alone marry him.

Even if you needed to lose weight, shaming people for losing weight has never ever worked as an effective method of inducing this.

The idea that he can say this while you still have a young baby is vile.

Sorry but I would be walking. How dare he make a comment like that, especially in front of a friend

He either loves you enough now to want to get married, or he doesn’t and it seems he doesn’t. What an example to his children

Seriously you need to reconsider the relationship

@Spidermum2

Just to add, I had DC2 only 6 months ago

You had a baby 6m ago and you’re only 1stone overweight still.. that’s good going actually

I’ve got a tip for you to help you lose about 11 stone though….

What an absolute dick.

He’s not a keeper. Your kids deserve a better role model of a healthy relationship. I bet if you dig a bit deeper there’s lots of other things he does too that are shitty towards you.

In my experience this type of man would find another excuse even if you did decide to lose with so he wouldn't marry you.

And if you lost weight, got married, then gained weight? What would happen then? Leave him now, when you can.

I would say to him that you will never marry him due to his ugliness and small penis. Seriously I would! You definitely need to end your relationship with him. Now he has said this it will fester in your mind and make you angry and resentful.

so you are good enough to be the mother to his children , but not to marry????

and one stone overweight when you gave birth recently?

he is an idiot .

I would seriously let him know in no uncertain terms that HE is not marriage material because he is rude and selfish and unthoughtful . Then don't speak to him for a while .

I would say to him

'you might not want to propose to me now while I'm carrying this extra weight, but plenty will do once I've lost it!'

Join a class, go the the gym, start walking whatever it may be. Loose the weight, be even more gorgeous than you are now and then leave him!

What a CF!!!

I'd order up a nice big takeaway and munch it down right infront of him. Then I'd tell him we wouldnt be getting married because I prefer curry to cunts.

He's being a total dick.

Nobody who loved or respected you would ever say something so demeaning in private, let alone in front of your friend.

His agenda is to diminish and belittle you. It's a method of control and has nothing at all to do with "helping you lose weight".

@Booboo24 @screechyowl

The OP is ONE stone overweight after giving birth just 6 months ago.

Jeez.

I could maybe understand his comment if you were very overweight and were obsessed with getting married in the perfect dress, and needed some motivation.

However, you don't seem bothered about the excess pounds, so this isn't about helping you. It's about him.

You said you had another baby recently - presumably his baby? If so, it makes his comments all the more disgusting.

Someone who won't marry you if you're a stone overweight is not the person you want at your side for worse, and in sickness. Conditional love is not love - it's not worth having.

If my husband would have said that, he would have been out the door

What a very unkind person he is. What is he like when he isn’t putting you down in front of friends?

@KatherineJaneway

In my experience this type of man would find another excuse even if you did decide to lose with so he wouldn't marry you.

I would imagine this is just one of his many reasons not to marry you OP.

You need to decide if this is a deal breaker for you. Do you want to get married? Do you want to marry him?

I had a friend who's partner reckoned he was too good for her. They got engaged fairly early on but he strung it out for 15 years. He had a list of reasons a mile long why he couldn't get married. Basically on the lookout for someone better. This oik was no prize himself.

When it dawned on him that Naomi Campbell wasn't going to swing by anytime soon he married her. Of course we all heard (from him) how lucky she was that he had deigned to marry her.

Don't be my ex friend.

He doesnt love you.

Please leave him. You deserve so much more than this.

Good god a stone overweight 6 months after giving birth is nothing!!

I'm currently 2.5 stone overweight (and 3.5 stone heavier than when I got married) but DH still loves me and tells me I'm beautiful, he is supporting me in losing weight as he's put weight on too!

I thought maybe you were extremely obese and self conscious and that you had maybe refused to get married due to your size (but that still wouldn't excuse your partner saying something in front of your friend).

I'm shocked!

Is your partner some kind of Adonis?!

@Pinkbonbon

I'd order up a nice big takeaway and munch it down right infront of him. Then I'd tell him we wouldnt be getting married because I prefer curry to cunts.

Love this !

He clearly holds himself in very high regard - he's making himself the prize if you manage to lose weight. I would find that deeply unappealing.

Wtf. I mean, would you want to if he asked?! Be kinder to yourself, he is an arse and you deserve better!

@Seriously79

I would say to him

'you might not want to propose to me now while I'm carrying this extra weight, but plenty will do once I've lost it!'

Join a class, go the the gym, start walking whatever it may be. Loose the weight, be even more gorgeous than you are now and then leave him!

What a CF!!!

Or don't lose the weight yet as you've said you're happy as you are and may want to lose it eventually. There's absolutely no pressure to lose any weight regardless of what he thinks.

Don't think of asking me to marry you till your penis is bigger..........................................................................

if he doesn't get the message I would start making comments about his body, performance, intelligence when his friends are around...see how much he likes that!

What the actual fuck?

The solution to your partner treating you like shit is to dump him. Not enter into stupid game playing and retaliation. How many years do you want to spend playing tit for tat with a complete dickhead?

How many years of potential happiness (either single or with someone better) do you want to sacrifice in your pursuit of sunk costs?

Life is far too short to waste your precious years of youth in a relationship as crappy as this!

@screechyowl @Shallwegoforawalk
Carry on reading through the thread........I'll wait