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Original poster

He won’t propose until I lose weight

424 replies

Spidermum2 · 20/08/2021 07:44

A friend came round last night and we got talking about someone we know who had just got married. Friend said to me in a lighthearted way, “when is it your turn” to which dp said “I’ve told her I’ll propose when she loses weight” He has said this to me in the past, but I let it go over my head at the time. But as he has said it again, he must really mean it which hurts a lot. I’m in two minds as to whether I am over reacting. One part of me thinks it may be his way of ‘trying’ to spur me on to lose weight and in his mind thinks he’s giving me a kick up the arse and trying to be helpful. Or whether he’s being a total dick and I should consider if I want to be with him let alone marry him.

OP posts:
Orgasmagorical · 20/08/2021 10:53

It’s made it hard to imagine carrying on with him knowing what he thinks of me

He dangles the carrot of a proposal but wants you to make yourself more his ideal, six months after giving birth to his child. Not only that, he says it in front of someone else, to make you feel even worse about yourself.

Never mind what he thinks of you. What do you think of him?

MotherofPoodles · 20/08/2021 10:54

If there's ever a reason for eating more cake it's this.

Off he must fuck.

FenceSplinters · 20/08/2021 10:55

Wow! If he has an issue with one stone when you have recently had a child, how will he react when you hit menopause?!?! He is not a keeper.

CallMeNutribullet · 20/08/2021 10:56

This would genuinely be relationship ending for me. He deliberately set out to humiliate you. I bet there are plenty of other examples you've overlooked over the years

Loubiemoo · 20/08/2021 10:57

So you’re just one stone overweight 6 months after having his baby?

You deserve much better than this. Dump his sorry arse and you’ll be 12 stone lighter instantly.

Closetbeanmuncher · 20/08/2021 10:57

@spotcheck nailed it.

It's a vile thing to say at the best of times but to shame you in front of your friend. Sorry but I don't think I woulld have been able to keep quiet in her shoes.

You deserve better.

lovingtheheat · 20/08/2021 10:58

Get rid. Life is too short.

thepeopleversuswork · 20/08/2021 10:59

OP just know that you absolutely deserve a million times better than this and keep this with you.

LuvMyBubbles · 20/08/2021 10:59

Please leave now. You deserve better how about he just loves you for you whatever your size. Sad

PleasantBirthday · 20/08/2021 11:01

Do you actually want to marry him? Or are you so used to think that you should want that that maybe you've lost sight of what you actually want for yourself?

hangsangwitch · 20/08/2021 11:03

So you are a satisfactory enough woman for his Lordship to spend 9 years with and have 2 children with, but he does not see you as a potential wife until you meet his requests to lose weight?

What an absolute wanker.

sallievp · 20/08/2021 11:05

This is one of the saddest things I've heard. You deserve a lot better. He sounds absolutely Vile.

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 20/08/2021 11:06

@hangsangwitch

So you are a satisfactory enough woman for his Lordship to spend 9 years with and have 2 children with, but he does not see you as a potential wife until you meet his requests to lose weight?

What an absolute wanker.

This sums the situation up perfectly.
PearlyBird · 20/08/2021 11:08

Eurgh you couldnt have a happy life with them

TheVolturi · 20/08/2021 11:10

Tell him you will marry him when he gets a bigger dick? Oh actually, he couldn't be a bigger dick!

Gh0stontoast · 20/08/2021 11:11

I know of a couple where the husband was very insistant that his wife stay the same weight as she was in her early 20s when they got married. This meant decades of strict dieting for her, more so when her husband became very important at work and she had to “keep up appearances”.

But when she broke her leg due to osteoporosis, the hospital warned if the final attempt to set the bone didn’t work the leg would be amputated.

ChequerBoard · 20/08/2021 11:12

This is awful.

Actually, why would you even consider marrying a man who is telling you that you are as not good enough as you are?

Marriage is about spending your life together through thick and thin, sickness and health. He can't marry you unless you give him perfection. So what happens if you get sick, or need a mastectomy or any one of a hundred other things?

I couldn't live with someone who said that to me.

pommedeterre · 20/08/2021 11:14

And when he proposes you say NO.

FunnysInLaJardin · 20/08/2021 11:15

What an utter cock.

Wait for him to propose and then say no!

MrsDoctorDear · 20/08/2021 11:16

This can't be an isolated incident. He must be a twat in other ways.

Have a think and work out what you have put up with and why??

ButteringMyArse · 20/08/2021 11:17

I think a condition offer when it comes to proposing isn’t really the vibe when it comes to starting a life together. Loving someone for who they are is probably what most people hope for in a long term partner.

Precisely. To this end, while the comment about weight 6 months postpartum in front of a friend is particularly hurtful, it's also sort of not the main point. Not a red herring exactly, because that behaviour is unkind in itself and that matters a lot, but the underlying problem is the use of a future proposal to try and control.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 20/08/2021 11:22

@FunnysInLaJardin

What an utter cock.

Wait for him to propose and then say no!

Or maybe just dump him? Like a sensible person.

Why do so many people assume the OP has to stay with this inadequate piece of shit?

Sakura7 · 20/08/2021 11:23

Echo all the other posters, he's a dick. I'm sorry OP, what a horrible way to treat you.

Last year I was on medication that made me gain two stone. During that time when I was the heaviest I've ever been, my DP proposed. Because he wants to be with me for who I am, not what I weigh.

There are better men out there OP, you deserve one.

DerAlteMann · 20/08/2021 11:25

Tell him you'll accept when he gets another couple of inches on his cock.

windmill26 · 20/08/2021 11:28

I would have replied in front of my friend "this marriage may never happen considering how shallow you are,I can lose the weight but nothing can be done about your crappy attitude and small brain"....dickhead!
There is no way my husband would ever talk to me that way ,not in private and certainly not in front of others. If you want to stay with him you need to sit him down and tell him that it is not OK to put you down EVER...if he doesn't get the message I would start making comments about his body,performance,intelligence when his friends are around...see how much he likes that!