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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

7 days and he hasn't reached out

148 replies

Bluenew · 05/08/2021 11:33

There was no argument I just felt he was becoming a bit flakey so I stepped back a bit. It was nothing serious, only been dating for 4 months but I really liked him and I miss him lots today. Day 7 of me not contacting him - putting the ball in his court , hoping he would contact me but nothing Sad.

How long should I go no contact?
Is there usually a time they would reach out by?
Should I reach out to him? What should I say?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluenew · 05/08/2021 18:17

@dryasaboner yes I'm the nan posted but I don't think that makes any difference as if he wanted to reach out/see me he would.

OP posts:
Taliskerskye · 05/08/2021 18:18

I don’t think dead nan has a lot to do with it. Sadly. Sorry

MayEye · 05/08/2021 18:19

I had someone I was seeing for 7 months (who I also had to instigate majority of dates with) say he needed a two week break to deal with some family stuff. After 4 weeks of not a word I send him a closing off message for my own head as I couldn’t hang on wondering any more. He never responded to my message and blocked me.
He knows what he’s doing. He’s just too cowardly to end things.

Original poster
Bluenew · 05/08/2021 18:19

@Taliskerskye me neither Sad

OP posts:
Orf1abc · 05/08/2021 18:19

I'm not expecting a relationship just meets ups, that's all I have time for at the minute anyhow.

You'd make all this fuss over a meet up?

You're going to humiliate yourself if you keep pursuing this.

dryasaboner · 05/08/2021 18:19

It makes a difference as you sounded utterly obsessed then and sound even worse so now. I understand the feeling of rejection when you like someone is awful but someone who is interested will let you know, all this angst isn't healthy or worthwhile

Original poster
Bluenew · 05/08/2021 18:20

I have a couple of items of clothes at his place so I will have to contact him at some point.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluenew · 05/08/2021 18:24

You'd make all this fuss over a meet up
Yes I really like him.

@dryasaboner he has no idea about my obsessions - I have not made that known to him. If anything he probably thinks I'm not that interested anymore.

OP posts:
ImRhondaAndthesearentreal · 05/08/2021 18:25

Why ask for advice if you're just going to ignore it?

Everyone is saying not to contact him. You're determined to contact him anyway.

Vanilla1Cookies · 05/08/2021 18:27

Keep some self respect and don’t contact him.

He can contact you if he wants his clothing back. Don’t find an excuse to ‘have’ to message him.

Orf1abc · 05/08/2021 18:27

I does know about your fixation, and he's run a mile. Do you really need the clothes back? They can't be that important if you left them there.

Orf1abc · 05/08/2021 18:28
  • He does know about your fixation
Vanilla1Cookies · 05/08/2021 18:28

@Bluenew

You'd make all this fuss over a meet up Yes I really like him.

@dryasaboner he has no idea about my obsessions - I have not made that known to him. If anything he probably thinks I'm not that interested anymore.

I doubt it if he’s aware that it’s you doing 75% of the graft to meet.

Of course he knows.

user16395699 · 05/08/2021 18:31

This makes no sense.

girlmom21 · 05/08/2021 18:32

If you have some of his things post them to him.
If you don't have his address, text and ask for it as you need to send his things back.

He's not interested. It's already over in his head so he won't mind that you've accepted it too.

Taliskerskye · 05/08/2021 18:33

Problem is with men like this is you end up feeling insecure and desperate, even if you’re not or ever have been before.
It’s mind games, and you end up feeling like you’re needy and mad.
When you’re not

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 05/08/2021 18:37

He's just not that into you.

Seesawmummadaw · 05/08/2021 18:38

Stop playing games. I assume you are a grown up?
Ask if he’s ok and go from there.

1forAll74 · 05/08/2021 18:42

I would not bother with any contact, he would contact if he wanted to, but looks like he wont, You already stated that he was a bit flaky anyway. Waiting around for some people, is a waste of time and thoughts.

Original poster
Bluenew · 05/08/2021 18:43

I doubt it if he’s aware that it’s you doing 75% of the graft to meet.

Of course he knows.

I'm sorry but me contacting him more than I contact him does not mean I obsessed. I would only contact him once every 2-3 days - proves nothing. If anything I've played it too cool with him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluenew · 05/08/2021 18:45

*more that he contacts me

OP posts:
AnnaSW1 · 05/08/2021 18:46

A person's actions tell the true story. He's just not that into you

RaininSummer · 05/08/2021 18:52

These days it takes literally seconds of your life to quickly contact a person even if it's just to let them know that you can't come out to play for a while. Unless he is very very ill or worse, there is no excuse for this other than doesn't want to see you (cowards way out) ,or can't be arsed (very rude). Dont contact him unless you are checking he is still alive.

FlowerArranger · 05/08/2021 18:52

@Bluenew - some may say I shouldn't (run after him) but I'm not expecting a relationship just meets ups, that's all I have time for at the minute anyhow.

Yes keep telling yourself this Shock

You are actually running after a totally disinterested man, just so that you can be his FWB ???

Where is your self-respect...

FunnyWonder · 05/08/2021 18:53

Honestly, let him run on. If he wanted to see you, you'd know. There would be no room for doubt. I've been there and he's not worth another minute of your time.