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Original poster

7 days and he hasn't reached out

148 replies

Bluenew · 05/08/2021 11:33

There was no argument I just felt he was becoming a bit flakey so I stepped back a bit. It was nothing serious, only been dating for 4 months but I really liked him and I miss him lots today. Day 7 of me not contacting him - putting the ball in his court , hoping he would contact me but nothing Sad.

How long should I go no contact?
Is there usually a time they would reach out by?
Should I reach out to him? What should I say?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluenew · 05/08/2021 11:35

We have known each other long than 4 months. He has also had family problems he has had to deal with so I've been trying not to take it personal. He has been lovely when we were last in contact but I feel if he wanted to see me he would.

OP posts:
Shellfishblastard · 05/08/2021 11:36

Did you tell him you were taking a step back?

Original poster
Bluenew · 05/08/2021 11:45

@Shellfishblastard no I didn't tell him. However we were both aware that I was doing 75% percent of the contact and he cancelled our last meet up therefore I felt I needed to step back and give him space as I felt he didn't want to see me but didn't want to tell me - he's not great with communication.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluenew · 05/08/2021 11:47

But then hr would be lovely to me, giving lots of complements. I'm at a loss as to what to do and how to deal with this situation. I don't want to screw it up.

OP posts:
WhereHasMyMojoGone · 05/08/2021 11:54

I feel if he wanted to see me he would.

Yes.

Tbh, I'd just leave it. If he can't be bothered making an effort at 4 months, when will he?

It should be normal for either person to get in touch after a day or so. He doesn't and this time you haven't. You're not screwing it up you're just not being the one to do all the running. Which is fair enough. Tbh, after 7 days, I'd not really want him to get in touch any more.

Polmuggle · 05/08/2021 11:59

I think after 7 days it's pretty clear. Even he of messaged you today you'd know that he's happy not seeing/talking to you for a week? That has no future.

Smackthepony · 05/08/2021 12:00

Don’t contact him. We all have problems. It’s no excuse for being rude and ignoring someone. If he’s into you he would have told you he needs some space or he has things going on. It would be the respectful thing to do. If it was the other way around and you had shit going on would you just leave him hanging with no explanation? He’s being disrespectful. Don’t enable that behaviour. If he likes you as much as you like him he will get in touch, apologise and explain his absence.

Taliskerskye · 05/08/2021 12:01

I was with one like this. We had a chat about it, he stepped up for about 2 months. The went rubbish again. So I left it, a week later he got in touch, I ended it.
It’s a mind fuck, it shouldn’t be this hard. I wish I hadn’t bothered giving him a second chance

PolytheneRam · 05/08/2021 12:02

OP, was it you that posted about your boyfriend cancelling a meet up because his grandmother had passed away?

Umberellatheweatha · 05/08/2021 12:06

I'm sorry op but, especially under these circumstances, if hasn't contacted you for a week then this is over. He is telling you that he doesn't give a shit and is only in your life on the grounds that you do the running. That's not a rfoundation for a relationship.

He isn't for you. You could reach out but just to end things if you want to give yourself proper closure.

Kollamoolitumarellipawkyrollo · 05/08/2021 12:08

Silence is an action. It isn’t passive, it’s a choice so I would own that and move on.

CremeEggThief · 05/08/2021 12:09

Time to move on. He's given you your answer.

Original poster
Bluenew · 05/08/2021 12:11

@CremeEggThief but what if he is thinking the same about me?

OP posts:
Orgasmagorical · 05/08/2021 12:11

@Bluenew

But then hr would be lovely to me, giving lots of complements. I'm at a loss as to what to do and how to deal with this situation. I don't want to screw it up.
Being lovely to you and giving you compliments is easy, just words. He's not doing anything that requires any effort, is he. He's quite happy to have you doing all the hard work and he also doesn't mind fucking with your head in the process by keeping you guessing.

I really don't think it's a case of you not screwing up, listen to what he's telling you Flowers

Taliskerskye · 05/08/2021 12:12

@Bluenew
He’s not. Trust me.

It shouldn’t be this hard

CremeEggThief · 05/08/2021 12:15

Bluenew, you said you do 75% of the running anyway and he cancelled your last meet-up. What does that tell you? I'm sorry. I know you must really like him but I can't see him changing and being someone who makes you happy.

WatieKatie · 05/08/2021 15:01

He clearly isn’t that interested or invested OP. Why would you worry what he thinks? He clearly isn’t concerned about you.

I’d draw a line under it and move on.

edwinbear · 05/08/2021 15:22

I think you've posted about him before OP. He's not interested, just forget about him and move on.

PokeAMan · 05/08/2021 15:26

If you were doing most of the running around and contacting then he will probably assume you're not interested anymore. However he will likely know that's due to his behaviour...if you want to contact him for closure then you could be honest, something like 'hope all OK for you, guessing you don't have time for a relationship atm'. If there is any misunderstanding then he will correct you very quickly... but tbh, with this long gap I think he's showing where he stands, sorry.

WhereHasMyMojoGone · 05/08/2021 16:57

The sad truth is that he wasn't that interested but was happy to go along with it all while you were making all the effort. But now you're not, he's happy to let it go too. He might not even have realised how much time has passed.

spotcheck · 05/08/2021 17:00

@Kollamoolitumarellipawkyrollo

Silence is an action. It isn’t passive, it’s a choice so I would own that and move on.
Yep.

Compliments are cheap- look at his actions.

Original poster
Bluenew · 05/08/2021 18:12

Yes he may not have realised how long has passed Angry. I will give it a couple more weeks until he realises and see if he reaches out. If not I will contact him - some may say I shouldn't but I'm not expecting a relationship just meets ups, that's all I have time for at the minute anyhow.

OP posts:
dryasaboner · 05/08/2021 18:13

You havent answered if you are dead nan poster

dryasaboner · 05/08/2021 18:15

[quote Bluenew]@CremeEggThief but what if he is thinking the same about me?[/quote]
If someone is interested they will let you know.
Unless you are dead nan poster and he's probably got more important things to worry about than your navel gazing

dryasaboner · 05/08/2021 18:16

@Bluenew

Yes he may not have realised how long has passed Angry. I will give it a couple more weeks until he realises and see if he reaches out. If not I will contact him - some may say I shouldn't but I'm not expecting a relationship just meets ups, that's all I have time for at the minute anyhow.
Why do you think he would want to meet up in a couple of weeks if he can't be bothered now? Seriously let this go it hasn't got legs
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