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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband looking at teenage girls

212 replies

Candyblosoom1 · 31/07/2021 23:26

I caught my husband (early 40s) looking at teenage girls a few times when we're out.

The girls he looks at are usually wearing mini skirts, shorts or have their breast out.

They look like there are between 15-18 years old.

I remember when I was around 14, I had a few men staring at me even though I always dressed modestly so I'm starting to wonder if that's in men's nature.

I asked one of my friend who's husband thinks his behaviour is normal. That every men are attracted to young girls(15-18) with boobs or nice legs even if they don't want to admit it. It doesn't mean that they will act on it.

OP posts:

DippingToes · 31/07/2021 23:27

Errrrr....no, that's absolutely not normal. I'm sorry you're going through this.

SpindleWhorl · 31/07/2021 23:31

What a weird post, and what weird friends you have

It's not normal, no; it's not in "men's nature"; and your husband sounds quite iffy.

wizzywig · 31/07/2021 23:32

Vomit

nimbuscloud · 31/07/2021 23:32

Really? Your friend’s husband is a creep

youvegottenminuteslynn · 31/07/2021 23:35

Your husband and his mate are both creeps. I remember being that age (14-18) and men age 40+ (who at the time I would have called old men) looking at me that way. I thought they were dirty creeps then. I think it even more now. Under 18s? Frequently and obviously that you've noticed it? Surely that's made any attraction to him disappear?

And if you mention it and he even dares to imply it's jealousy, he's disgusting. It's not jealousy. It's simply not wanting to go out with a fucking letch who pervs on children.

toomanyplants · 31/07/2021 23:35

Totally not normal. Call his creepy ass out the next time he does this

Superfoodie123 · 31/07/2021 23:42

Ewww no not normal. Your husband is a creep.

Recessed · 31/07/2021 23:42

I think it is "common" though I can't say it's normal! I see it all the time. I'm really aware of it since having DDs - they're still only little but since they were born I started seeing potential threats to girls everywhere.

Original poster

Candyblosoom1 · 31/07/2021 23:46

I brought it once to him before and he got super defensive saying that he was looking at this girl (again around 15 years old) because she was in the way. He was lusting on her, staring at her.

He made me feel so bad that day saying I was making it up and that I would ruin our relationship..

He's very nice and attentive towards me but I'm not sure I can accept that.

OP posts:

Enough4me · 31/07/2021 23:50

He sounds like a slimy creep 🤮 doesn't his behaviour make you feel the ick for him?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 31/07/2021 23:51

He was defensive not embarrassed. About eyeing up a girl under 16. Fuck me, what a creep.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 31/07/2021 23:53

There is a big difference between "common" and "normal". Rape is a common crime (1 out of every 6 women will be molested at least once during their lifetime) but that doesn't make a rapist "normal".

urbanbuddha · 31/07/2021 23:57

No, it's not normal. A lot of men do it but not the majority. A lot doing it doesn't make it in any way acceptable.

Why are they attracted to teenagers?
What is it about themselves that means they consider girls who are not fully developed attractive. Your DH needs to take on board that he has a problem. As does your friend's DH.

Mymapuddlington · 01/08/2021 00:00

That’s weird, at first I was going to say if he glances because of how they’re dressed that’s one thing (honestly the school girls here flash their bum every time they walk it’s gross, sometimes I do a double take and a wtf look) but if he’s listing after them that’s not normal at all!!

BumbleFlump · 01/08/2021 00:02

Sadly seen plenty of older men driving cars stuck in traffic jams ogling teenage girls and young women. It’s downright disgusting but suppose they think they can get away with it and they do 😕

Original poster

Candyblosoom1 · 01/08/2021 00:05

The problem is he keeps denying it. I wonder if he notices it.

A few years ago, we found out that his brother who is a few older had a one night stand with 17 years old girl. He told me that he found his brother behaviour disgusting and shocking.

I don't know what to think!

We don't have any kids yet, I'm approaching 30 and want to have a family soon. I know it's going to sound pathetic but I don't know how long it will take me to find someone else to do that with.

OP posts:

IdblowJonSnow · 01/08/2021 00:07

Agree it might be common behaviour, but so what? It's not acceptable to you, nor should it be.

Get angry and tell him in no uncertain terms to pack it in. Can you imagine leering at a young lad of a similar age? You can notice someone is attractive without perving all over them. Vom.

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 01/08/2021 00:08

Well under 16s no way, not ok ever. It is creepy if hes openly staring at them. But its hard to know how creepy because you dont know what hes thinking. For example women all the time ogle young "pop stars" and "celebrities" aged 17 to 19 and say how good their bodies are and say things like "Oh if I was a few years younger...." and "Oh he's gorgeous!" but that gets ignored as "motherly" or "harmless". So I dont think looking at someone (over 16 but still a teenager) has to be some sort of perverted interest in them. It can just be that they are attractive and because they've been through puberty they do have an adult body. So most people would see of the person is attractive the same as they would someone of twenty or older. But staring open mouthed at teenage girls (and only showing interest in teenagers, and not in people any older), or making the comments above for women and teenage celebrities, does sound creepy I think so it's an uncomfortable area.

Enough4me · 01/08/2021 00:09

A 12-14 Yr age gap?
Now he's looking for a much younger model as you start to want a baby, yuck on him.

Mymapuddlington · 01/08/2021 00:09

Are you potentially overthinking it? We all look at random people without really thinking about it or are you 100% sure he’s lusting? Could he be so defensive that he is genuinely hurt that you would think he would do that?

Stinkywizzleteets · 01/08/2021 00:11

It happens to my 11year old Daughter, she’s started pointing out her age or I do if I catch them ogling. I’ve found that the most effective response to ‘dirty old men’.

If I’ve been in the company of men ogling girls I tend to say “you do realise you’re making her feel uncomfortable with your staring” - it seems to get through. You can’t stop people looking but they can try not to be so creepy with it.

Original poster

Candyblosoom1 · 01/08/2021 00:14

@Mymapuddlington

Yes I saw him stare (lusting look) once. The other times he would look at them for more than a few seconds.

The last time it happened, the girl was wearing super short shorts and he looked at her face and after that his eyes moved to her legs. He wasn't staring long but the girl definitely noticed. She was looking at him.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 01/08/2021 00:15

Wake up. Your husband is a fucking creep. You are mad to have children with a man like this.

SupermanWithTheGreyHair · 01/08/2021 00:15

Jesus. You need to get rid of him. Do not have kids with him. What a sicko.

Lorw · 01/08/2021 00:16

Vom 🤢 imagine that was your daughter and some 40yo creep was leering at her.

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